9 Months
by JackpotGirl
Summary: Spencer Reid doesn't hate many people, but he definitely hates Harper Hillman. Now what happens when a normal night turns out different than planned with big and growing consequences...Reid/OFC
1. Harper Hillman

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Criminal Minds.

**Summary: **Spencer Reid doesn't hate many people but he definitely hates Harper Hillman. She was involved in one of the most horrible pranks in his High School days of horror and he's not going to forget about it. But when one all-normal after work party turns out completely crazy, he temporarily changes his mind. See now, just what happens when our favorite genius is thrown into a completely unexpected world and has to face decisions he'd never thought he'd have to make. Will he be a man and take responsibility for his actions or will he hold on to his grudge?

**Author's Note:** The name of Harper Hillman is the one also mentioned by Spencer when he tells Morgan about him being bullied in school (Season 3, Episode 16 Elephant's Memory). We only get the name and how she was involved in the incident, so her back-story, her personality and all that Jazz are my work and must not be accurate to what the writers intended with her. I doubt they'll bring her back though, so I suppose it's fine this way.

**PLEASE REVIEW!! Seriously...please do!**

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**9 Months**

**Chapter One **

**Harper Hillman**

Dr. Spencer Reid sunk yet deeper into his chair, stretching his arms behind his back and suppressing a yawn. They'd come back from their last case three hours ago and all the paper work he needed to go over wasn't half done yet. He'd had a lot piled up from the case before and saw himself drowning in a mass of papers and forms. So the distraction that came in form of SSA Derek Morgan was highly welcomed. The tall, buff, dark-skinned man towered over his – in comparison of built – rather pathetic young colleague and batted his shoulder to gain his attention.

Spencer looked up from hos note-book and pulled one eye-brow up, meaning 'yes?'.

"We're having a beer in the city, d'you wanna come?", he asked, his eyes traveling over the mass on Spencer's usually tidy desk.

"I don't know", the young agent replied uneasy. As much as he wanted to get the furthest away from this desk as possible his sense of duty hung over him, denying him the favor, "I still need to go over all of that" He vaguely let his hand trail above the files to illustrate his statement but Morgan didn't give up that easily.

"Hey, kid, it's not good to bury yourself in work like that, we don't have a case coming up, you'll have plenty o' time to take care of this", he said, "we're going out tonight, as a team and you come along"

Spencer knew for a fact that JJ for a start was not going to come, as she'd hurried home to her son, Henry, who was also Spencer's godson, a whole hour before. Also their supervisory agent Aaron Hotchner wouldn't be there either as he had retreated from any unnecessary activities that kept him away from his son Jack. After his wife died he now took care of him alone. Spencer didn't envy him. He couldn't imagine raising a kid, let alone raising it all alone. Not that he didn't like children, in comparison, they had a very special sincerity and honesty about them that wasn't to be found in many adults but they also required so much time and consideration, he just didn't think he could handle it.

"Fine", he heard himself say suddenly, discarding the thought of being a single parent. Tonight, he would go out because he could, because he didn't have any other commitments and as much as he might feel he needed to finish his work, getting away from it for a bit was too tempting to let it go.

As he stood up, he heard Morgan turn around and yell over to the gallery where he supposed Penelope Garcia, their tech-assistant, to wait for them: "He's on board"

"Now we have a party", said Emily Prentiss, who had obviously retouched her make-up, coming from the direction of the toilets, already wearing her coat.

Spencer smiled as he put on his jacket; this maybe wasn't what a duteous agent would do but it was definitely something a normal guy working a normal job, leading a normal life would be doing. Surely none of that applied to Spencer Reid but he was tired of feeling different from everybody else.

For as long as he remembered he was always singled out, peculiar to others because of his irregular intelligence and social awkwardness. Starting out at the BAU he'd felt even more alienated because there he'd been, physically incredibly weak, psychically often overstrained by the cruelty of men, frightened by the abysses his job forced him to look into on a daily basis and worried how much of his own possible abyss would gain power in his mind. Also he was surrounded by such content personalities that never seemed to have insecurities, weaknesses or inhibitions. He'd always felt pathetically irrelevant. But things had changed. Through his nine years in the bureau, of which five spent with this team, he'd grown up, gained self-confidence and security, he'd learned of his value and his strengths and had also witnessed his team-mates cracking down, showing they were only human as well. He was in a good place now, better than any time before in his life. The times were he always had to force himself past the apothecary so he wouldn't get himself dilaudid were long past him as well as his fear of speaking in front of people or the constant nightmares that tortured his nights. He still dreamed weird sometimes but it was less horrid and less frequent. His brain had built another barricade to secure him which maybe wasn't too good if you considered it psychologically but it allowed him a sense of normality.

Finally Spencer Reid felt almost like every other citizen, like the next guy and so there was absolutely nothing wrong with joining his friends on an evening out.

They took Morgan's car for the 45 minutes ride to the city center of D.C., with Garcia always leaning back from the passenger's seat to discuss with Emily, who sat beside Spencer on the rear seats who their favorite Muppets were.

Penelope's was inevitably Miss Piggy, whom she attested a great sense of style and great ways of self-producing, whereas Emily remained faithful to her teenager Goth-years and declared she'd always hold a soft spot for the Count.

"Who's your favorite Muppet, wiz-kid?", asked Penelope after she had her giggle. Spencer had never really heard of the Muppets in his kid-years, his mother had him read books instead of parking him in front of the television but eventually, you couldn't get past the Muppets, could you?

"Kermit", he replied and had both women throwing him questioning looks, "he's got a very distinct sense of humor" He shrugged and then smiled wryly when they started chuckling.

He didn't get what was so funny about it but he decided not to show them another episode of 'Reid's not getting the joke' so he just smiled along.

"So, Penelope, where's Kevin?", asked Emily when the laughing slowly ceased to make it stop at once, at least on Penelope's part. Her face momentarily lost all jolliness to be replaced by a strict mask. Spencer looked at the change to her features because that always interested him, seeing the sentiments appear on ones face before the words explained them, Emily held her breath, knowing she'd touched an icky subject. Spencer could have sworn that even Morgan, who'd been concentrated on driving before, slightly turned his head to be in better ear-shot of Garcia's answer.

"We're constantly fighting", said Penelope finally, "I'd never thought it could be so annoying being with someone that's so much like me"

"Sorry to hear", said Emily, lingering on the sorry as they exchanged a perfectly typical female look of sympathy and understanding.

"Yeah, well", Garcia waved it of with a swing of her hand, "I guess it's after all true what they say, opposites do attract more than similarities"

While the women found their way to lighter subjects fairly quick, Spencer's thoughts rested on Garcia's statement for a little while longer.

If opposites truly attracted about every woman he'd met should have been deadly attracted to him, which they – of course – hadn't been.

Apart from few exceptions he'd never found a lot in common with women he met because he liked unusual stuff, classical music and comedies from the twenties, he loved Halloween and chess and so far he had met more women that had opposite interests and none of them had been overly attracted to him. Neither had the ones that had similar interests. The laws of attraction obviously didn't work well on him. He was the furthest away from being a ladies man one could be, he had virtually no experience with women, if you didn't count the embarrassing loss of his virginity at age sixteen with fellow chemistry student Lizzie Albert at college or the weird kiss starlet Lila Archer had given him when the team was working a murder case down in L.A. which had 'Transference' written all over it. He was unskilled in flirting and most of all presenting himself in the best light. He had theoretical knowledge of course, from all his studies of psychology and with that also female psychology. Theoretically he knew perfectly which buttons to push once he'd seen through a woman, most of them ridiculously easy to read but he felt a) unfair to be using his training to 'pick up chicks' as Morgan would put it and b) too insecure about his own appeal to even try it on a real woman in praxis. Although meanwhile he had at least taken the hurdle of speaking to beautiful women without stuttering until everything that left his mouth was a weird mix of syllables and awkward coughs. To be accurate, when he _did_ his voice still skipped about sixteen octaves and he sometimes tripped over his own words but not half as much as it did when he'd been younger. Spencer Reid just wasn't laid out to be lady killer and he'd learned to accept that. But that didn't take away the loneliness he felt underneath it all. He'd never cared much about a companion, always thinking someday it would all fall into place when he met the right one, but now he was twenty-seven and he was slowly beginning to worry if he'd be a loner for the rest of his life. There was no miracle-lady in sight that would suddenly change his life and he'd never learned how to look for her. Maybe his time was running out and he did not like the idea.

"Hey kid", Morgan's deep base broke through his lacking-love-life-contemplation, "get ya head out of the clouds, will you? I was just saying that you three get a table while I park the car"

"So get you're tiny white ass out of here", joked Garcia, imitating Derek's voice.

"Easy there, poppy", he warned but he lost the battle to hide the wide smile spreading on his face.

"Sorry", Spencer mumbled and got out of the car to join Emily on the sidewalk in front of a shabby looking bar that was so much better than its outward appearance. He heard the car door being slammed and a second later Penelope stood beside them, who opened her mouth to say something but her words were drowned by Morgan driving off.

"Didn't catch that", Emily said.

"Nothing important, I was just saying that we need to make sure that our boys take the stage tonight", the blonde replied with a bright grin. The bar had a karaoke-set and it happened to be Karaoke-Thursday, Spencer recalled.

"No way", he said immediately when he felt their glares on him, "I don't sing"

"Oh you will", smirked Emily and at that, both women linked arms with him and pulled him inside the bar.

Inside it was remotely full, with only three spare tables and one in far corner that promised enough privacy for the four while still being close enough to the bar. It smelled of a mixture of sweat, cologne and beer and a pudgy white male in his thirties stood on the stage, presenting his horrible out-of-tune rendition of "These Boots Are Made For Walking".

Garcia laughed aloud as they sat down and whispered something to Emily who still stood up.

"I'll get drinks", she announced.

"Appletini", Penelope ordered.

"I'd like a coke", Spencer said but neither of the women were having it.

"You're getting nothing without alcohol in it today", Emily smiled devilish, "We want you on that mic, remember?"

"You can't make me drink everything else than coke, I'll go and order myself", he said stubbornly.

"Oh no, my dear, because we snook your wallet,you will drink nothing at all or what we'll buy you"

"Yeah, right", he said, believing they were joking but he noticed their faces were just a little bit _too_ smug, their expression a bit _too_ confident, "no you didn't, I'm completely dehydrated, you can't do that to me"

"Oh come on", Emily mourned, "once in your life take a ride on the wild side, Dr. Reid"

"Exactly", Garcia joined in, "When was the last time you had fun?"

"I can have plenty of fun without getting drunk", he talked back.

"No one's saying you should get drunk, we're just talking of loosing inhibitions, enough to make you sing", Emily laughed, "I'll get you a beer" That was not a question, it was a statement.

Spencer didn't like it much but he figured if he had one beer, they'd let him off the hook and stop their childish game, so he slightly nodded and watched his dark-haired colleague make her way to the bar.

"Hey Reid", Penelope said, "how are you? We haven't talked in a while...you're good?"

"Yeah...I...um...I'm fine", he replied truthfully and smiled.

"I thought so, you seem happier", she wrinkled her forehead, "is there a specific reason for that? Maybe...a change in the 'luv'-department?" She stressed the 'luuuv' making it sound slang-like and stupid, like school-girls would.

"Uh...no...no, I'm...I'm still single", he admitted with his head wobbling uncontrolled in somewhat of a nod, looking at his hands. Why was everyone so keen on always talking about relationships?

"Someone will come along", she said and gently lay her hand on top of his, "when you least expect it"

"Hey, baby-girl, you tryin' to make me jealous?", the husky voice of Derek Morgan growled over their heads but he wore the widest grin as he sat down beside Garcia.

"Is that possible?", the tech-expert said cockily and they laughed together and with a sting of envy Spencer realized he didn't have anyone whose company came so naturally, so easy, no relationship worked so well for him like the one Morgan and Garcia had with each other.

"The beer is here", declared Emily as she came back with the drinks shortly afterwards. She was pretty loaded with three beer and Penelope's Apple Martini, "Derek, I got you a beer, thought that was alright"

"Sure, thank you", he answered taking the bottles from her hands, "and – wohoo – you've got the kid to order a beer" He chuckled as he passed on the drink to Spencer.

"I was forced", he stated, taking it on reluctantly. He wasn't the biggest fan of beer, he'd never drank much anyway and if so, just a sip of brandy or whiskey, something that tasted decent and not bitter. None the less he hadn't really had a drink in about a year, so his stomach rumbled when the fluid hit his system. He had no idea why he didn't put it aside, it tasted ghastly but then he had been so thirsty the whole way to the bar. And while the others were discussing the vocal talent of a large breasted blonde, he finished his first beer.

"You want another one?", Emily asked as he put the emptied bottle down.

"Or a whiskey?", Penelope grinned, "See, we're leaving you the choice"

"Thank you", he pursed his lips, knowing his irony would've came through anyway, "I think I'll have another beer"

He didn't know why but halfway through it had stopped tasting like dead cat and although he hadn't planned on having another one he'd just ordered it. After all, what was so wrong about it? So what, he would have a little fun tonight. There was no way in hell he would sing though, never ever.

"Good boy", Emily joked and made her way over to the bar to get replenishments.

"She was cute", said Morgan nodding his head towards the stage behind Spencer who didn't bother to turn to check and Garcia eyed Derek disapprovingly.

"She couldn't have held a straight note if her life depended on it", she said only half-joking, "but all the guys see is her tits"

Morgan laughed a little and patted her arm, "I bet once your on there you'll stun us all with your amazing talent"

"Oh you bet", she snapped and was getting up but the chords of a new song told them someone else had been quicker. The common base line of Ben E. King's "Stand By Me", an old time classic Spencer enjoyed, but he'd expected to hear a male voice singing the song; wrong he'd been.

It was girl singing, she had a nice voice although the tune was a bit too low for her, anyway she wasn't singing alone, everyone in the bar knew the song and even Morgan and Emily were humming along. Funny enough, the girl pronounced her words like people in Vegas did and that was not the only thing common about it. He felt he'd heard this voice before and just out of curiosity he turned around.

He regretted it the second he did. He _had_ heard that voice before, even singing precisely that song at his High School graduation ceremony.

Harper Hillman. Bloody Harper Hillman, it was her. Of course she wasn't the little eleven year old anymore with the glowing red cheeks and the even brighter red hair but it was undeniably her. She'd used to sing on every possible occasion, so she naturally did when her bigger brother Adrian Harper, head quarterback of the Schools football-team graduated. He'd been in Spencer's class, Spencer being twelve and more the age of Adrian's baby sister than his. He'd jumped several grades to graduate so early and even though he was about five years younger than his classmates, he was still the smartest kid in the room. He wore glasses, had weird clothes and the air of a nerd. And the other kids let him pay for it every passing day. And Harper Hillman, innocent looking as ever had played her part in it. One day, not far from Spenser's graduation, she'd searched him up in the library, twisting her curls, unknowingly or not, in a Lolita-like-manner through her tiny fingers and told him Alexa Lisbon wanted to see him behind the gym, making it sound like an invitation. Little Spencer's mind had bloomed. Alexa was one grade below him, although four years older than him and easily the most beautiful girl in school.

He'd went there, his heart beating like crazy and the rest was history. He'd only told one person in his life, Derek Morgan, what they'd done to him on that day.

Alexa Lisbon had been there...and she'd brought the whole Football-team, also little Harper's brother. They'd stripped him naked and tied him to a flag-post with half the school watching and laughing at him. He'd begged them to let them go, called out for help but everyone was just watching, hauling over the pathetic little genius-boy, the stupid nerd that deserved all of this by simply breathing. Little Harper had come around later, he'd seen her fiery hair through a gray mist of tears. They eventually got bored and trailed off but still left him tied up. It was late when he got home, about midnight, but his mother didn't even bother, having one of her episodes. He'd tried so hard to forget that day but seeing grown-up Harper now brought it all back to his memory; the humiliation, the pain, the disappointment, it was boiling up his insides like acid. He grabbed the half-empty bottle on the table and emptied it in one large gulp while his eyes were still locked on the woman.

She was beautiful, glowing red, bouncy curls going up and down as she swayed with the rhythm, her voluminous lips caressing every word she sung. She looked like the most friendly and beautiful angel but it was treacherous. He would never forgive her for being an accomplice in a prank that made one of the worst days in his life.

"I need a shot", he said loudly and because he didn't turn his eyes away from the stage he couldn't see his friends exchanging suspicious glances.

"Shots for everyone", Garcia shrugged after a second and went to get some.

Harper was dancing along with the music as the guitar solo of the song played, smiling at her friends who sat near the stage and cheered her up.

"Reid?", Garcia said sitting down, finding him hypnotized by the girl on stage when she came back, "your shot"

Spencer just took it without saying cheers, or turning around to look at the others, he just swallowed it down and then, on a whim, took Emily's just before she could take it.

"Hey", she protested but Morgan just laughed.

"Let him get brave, Em'", he chuckled, thinking Spencer fancied Harper in some way, maybe wanting to hit on her. Thinking wrong.

Spencer just needed something to calm his rumbling stomach, rumbling with rage that was a rare feeling for him. He couldn't stop starring at her, thinking how unfair it was that she was both so beautiful and so happy. That Karma hadn't had her messed up until now. Life wasn't fair at all. A dim voice in the back of his head was mad at him for thinking such things, for seeking some sort of revenge but he had had too much alcohol to be reasonable. He hated her truthfully this very second with a well deserved hatred that didn't care about reason.

The song was finally coming to an end and she said "Thank you" into the microphone and got down the stairs from the stage, her curls bouncing, her cheeks blushing from the applause and her dimples deepening. She waved at her friends, grinning, starting to make her way back to them as she suddenly turned her head and -

All the blood in Spencer's face went away, being replaced with fluid ice. She'd caught his eye and for the hint of a second he saw recognition cross her features. She knew who he was.

He rapidly turned around, eager to pretend he hadn't seen her but it was too late.

"Spencer", he heard her approaching, making all the heads of his friends turn in surprise. He stared at his newly arrived beer that Emily must've ordered in advance and acted as if he hadn't heard her. But it was too late, she already stood beside their table.

"Spencer Reid", she said again and he reluctantly looked up, her green-brown eyes piercing him, he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen such a beautiful woman from that close and hadn't felt anything but anger. Probably because this was possibly the very first time, apart from seeing her old friend Alexa Lisbon back in the days.

"I'm Harper...Hillman? You probably don't remember...but...", another winning smile on her side.

But he kept his feelings under a mask of composure and shook his head vaguely: "I don't know what you're talking about"

"Oh come on, I know it's you, Spence, I googled you", she grinned happily and apart from just half a second of a twitching mouth, completely ignorant to his obvious rebuff.

His team-mates eyes jumped from one to the other, their faces nothing but big question-marks.

"Hi, I'm Harper, I know Spencer from school", she said into the round when she caught them starring at her and Spencer didn't seem like he was going to say 'hello' or anything.

"Hey Harper", smiled Derek charmingly and offered her a chair.

_Traitor_, Spencer thought, his friend obviously didn't remember her name from his horror-story.

She sat down radiantly and started babbling at Spencer.

"So how you've been? You've been in the news in Vegas quite frequently, that's so cool, I'm just doing my degree in psychology so I've read almost all of your publications, I told everyone I knew you from school, but no one believed me, they said I was just a show-off", she giggled nervously because she started to notice that she was practically talking to herself.

And as much as Reid would have wanted her to make a giant fool of herself talking to a wall, he was just too nice to not reply. So he turned round to her and forced a smile onto his face.

"Hey Harper, I'm good", he said dryly before taking another sip of his beer. She just wouldn't go away; soon, she was so engaged in a conversation with the women, it didn't look like she would disappear so soon. Spencer didn't talk any more unless he was directly addressed and if so he just replied curtly, only to drink more later. The others mistook it for his famous shyness and didn't bother much, unaware of his true sentiments towards the red-head beauty.

She just wouldn't leave and at sometime after his first whiskey-coke the lights became blurrier and the music drowned his ears. She was really beautiful. He despised her. The lights were too bright. He wasn't used to so much alcohol.

He needed another drink. And another one.

And another one.


	2. Bad Awakening

**9 Months**

**Chapter Two**

**Bad Awakening **

-Month One, Day One-

Everything hurt. Most of all Spencer's head; he'd woken up from the throbbing pain. He felt like his brain would push through his skull and he didn't even dare to open his eyes to the sunlight he could see yellowy through his shut lids. So there was his first hangover. He swore this second he would never drink even an ounce of alcohol again, he'd never felt so sick in his life.

A quiet mourn left his mouth and he brought his hands up to his forehead, god, he was so uncomfortable. He didn't have the slightest idea how he'd got to his bed. After his second whiskey-coke, his memory blacked out, probably Derek had taken him. How embarrassing. He needed to call him to thank and to make sure he hadn't made a fool of himself. And why the hell was he naked, he thought in panic. Did Morgan...? No...he couldn't have. But he had never been a naked sleeper, anyway, he'd must've stripped down and fell asleep straight away. Last night had gotten severely out of hand and all because of this hell-breed Harper Hillman.

Even though he didn't want to, he slowly forced his eyes to open. The getting up was inevitable, he wasn't due to a special time in the office but he had to go there today, finishing his paper work he'd abandoned the night before. He just wondered how he would do that when he needed to got throw up all twenty minutes, it sure felt like he would be any second now.

He weakly sat up in bed and with the stream of air from the movement reaching his nostrils he noticed the different smell. It smelled sweaty, somewhat earthy, as in...human...sort of, he couldn't quiet tell what exactly it was but it surely stunk grossly of alcohol. It made him sick. He flung the blanket aside and with his hand pressed to his mouth he sprinted towards his rest room, emptying his stomach violently into the toilet seconds later. He'd never felt so miserable in his life, not even with his body cracking down with anthrax. This was so much worse. After about five minutes he was sure that there couldn't be anything more left inside of him to throw up and he flushed the mess away before rinsing his mouth in the sink and straight afterwards brushing his teeth twice. He looked horrible, the glimpse into his bathroom mirror told him that much. The dark shadows underneath his eyes looked even more zombie-like than usual, he was searching for a word for his state and came up with 'destroyed' when he saw a motion in the reflection that startled him.

There was someone in his bed!

He rushed around and stumbled into his bedroom more than alert. What the hell? How hadn't he noticed before? How the hell get someone else get into his bed? And more importantly; who was it?

He froze on the spot when he noticed. This couldn't be real, this just couldn't be happening!? There had to be a logical explanation for what he saw. No, it just had to be another nightmare, the most frightening one yet.

In his bed, wrapped in _his_ sheets, lay peacefully asleep Harper Hillman. And she was naked. And _he_ was naked. When he processed that fact, he frantically grabbed his boxers nearby and put them on at inhuman speed. There was no way she was ever going to see him naked again, once in High School was more than enough. Then his oh so smart brain did the obvious of calculation; she probably would have already seen him – the twenty-seven-year-old-version of him – naked the night before. And what was even worse: they had _both_ been naked. In his bed. He didn't need an IQ of 187 to do the math. And now he could tell perfectly, what it smelled like in his room, beside alcohol; it smelled...for crying out loud...his bedroom smelled like sex. No, no, no. But that was impossible. They had not. He had not, he wouldn't have. Spencer Reid never had one-night stands. Spencer Reid didn't have any sex at all for a start. He didn't even know how it worked properly. He wouldn't _just_ jump to bed with someone he barely knew and _definitely_ not if that someone was Harper Hillman!

She turned around again, making his heart stop beating with fear for an alarming amount of time; she would wake up any second. And when she was awake he would have to talk to her, he thought, panicking even more. He would have to talk about what happened, well, _first_ he needed to make sure that what he dreaded to have happened had in fact happened for real. Was there only the slightest chance that they'd just gotten naked and fallen asleep? All innocently? How would that even have worked? He couldn't remember a thing of what they might've done, given that he was in any state, both motorically – drunk as he'd been – and experience-wise capable(which he was as low on as one man could be). For a split second he felt even more embarrassed just imagining how pathetic he must've seemed to her, not knowing where to put his hands, with no idea whatsoever what women liked in...in bed. God, no, she'd probably laughed at him. That was the only reason he could be glad not remembering a thing; it meant he also didn't have to remember the abasement.

Her lids fluttered a couple times now, her face momentarily changing from peaceful to twitched and she let out a moan very much alike Spencer's when he got up. He stood at the end of the bed absolutely petrified, unable to move one limb. She was waking up and there was nothing to do to stop it.

She finally opened her eyes and the same moment noticed Spencer standing there like a marble sculpture.

He wasn't even breathing anymore, as she rubbed her eyes with her knuckles, tilting her head as if him in that weird-statue-state was just a vision that would disappear with the sleep from her eyes. He didn't and then, of all possible reactions in that moment, she chuckled. Spencer's jaw fell from pure shock. How could she be laughing now, when she just made him make the biggest mistake in his entire life? Was she making fun of him? Was she...was she laughing about something that happened the night before? He felt what was left of his pride fall to pieces inside of him.

"You look like those people that got surprised by the lava in Pompeii, preserved for ever in their horror facing death, believe me you totally look like that", she said suddenly, the sound of her bell-like little girlish chuckle making him jump as she sat up in bed as if it wasn't absolutely repulsing and wrong that she was even here. Naked. She noticed the exact same second that Spencer stared at her full, round, perfect and pale breasts, that the sheet had dropped from her upper body by her movement. She blushed and covered herself again. Yet, her softly rosy cheeks didn't compare to Spencer's crimson red face. His hand had hit his eyes reflexively, just when he realized he was gawping at her chest and he buried his head in shame. He hated her even more now for doing this to him. Being tied to a flag-post had nothing on this. It was awful.

"What happened?", Spencer asked in terror, too afraid to look at her but slowly removing his hands from his forehead.

"You don't remember?", she asked and her light expression vanished at the sight of his twisted features when he made himself look at her again. A small crack went through the happy mask that was her face and another high, nervous giggle followed to cover it up.

"I don't remember anything", Spencer admitted, alternately looking at her and gasping out of the window, his stomach rumbled again. He just might needed to vomit, but not because of the hangover this time. He groaned, loud noise of displeasure, saying more than a thousand spoken words, expressing how wrong this was, how inconvenient, how embarrassing and how much he despised it.

Harper suddenly looked very tiny and the crack on her face deepened, slowly tearing her gaily, naïve expression apart and making it an insecure, baffled one. She started to look...hurt.

"Can you please tell me what happened?", Spencer demanded, his voice gaining an edge with every word, his choked anger coming through. Why did she look at him like _he_ was the bad guy? Didn't she even think about what she'd done to him.

"We...well...we", she stuttered in instant reply, "we had a couple of drinks and...well...sort of...one thing let to the other...I didn't think you would be so...disgusted" The cover-up giggle sounded unconvincing and so sad it had almost made Spencer ashamed to have caused it, if he hadn't been so angry.

She'd read his face absolutely right, though, he _was_ disgusted...with her, with the fact that they'd had sex, but even more with himself. How could he have been drunk enough to even touch someone like her. Someone who'd hurt him so bad. Wasn't it only fair now, that she was irritated? That she probably thought he'd used her? Wasn't this the Karma-thing he'd wanted for her? He was right to be furious and she had _no_ right to make him feel bad about it.

"I...I need to go to work, I'll let you get dressed", he said coldly, with a certainty uncommon to him. He didn't look at her again as he fled from the room and from her, with her puppy eyes and that freaking, dumbstruck, distressed expression. He locked himself in the kitchen, leaning against the door with his hands clasped over his face again. He couldn't think straight.

He heard her hurry into her clothes and then out of the door. He was being an asshole, he was well aware of that but he couldn't change it. He'd never thought he would ever – ever – be in a situation like this and if had been any other woman there in his bed, he'd been nice, he'd made coffee and thanked her on his knees for noticing him, for giving him the time of day...or night, depending how you considered it. But not with this woman. It was a frightening fact that she should be his first one-night-stand ever and he felt dirty and nasty enough, he never wanted to have another one.

Whatever had gotten over him that night, it hadn't been healthy. In his right mind, Spencer would have never taken a girl home like that and not Harper Hillman, even if she'd been the last woman on earth. In a normal scenario, if you could dare to call it 'normal' when Spencer had sex with a girl for once in about a decade, he would have been sad about the fact that he couldn't recall one second of it. With the things being what they were, though, he was glad about it.

He wondered how she'd got him to do it. Surely he wouldn't have done anything to lure her to bed, not in a thousand years. He didn't know that he was easy to seduce. He swore not be any more.

When he arrived at the BAU headquarters in Quantico later, after a long shower, he was welcomed by a chuckling Derek Morgan. His cheeks turned a flushing red when he realized a confrontation was inevitable.

"Someone got lucky tonight", Morgan announced semi-loud and some heads turned, "wow, kid, you never struck me as the pick-up-artist you are...charmed that pretty girl right home with you"

"Shut up", Spencer squealed and then he paused, "wait...what? _I _charmed _her_?"

"You don't remember?", he heard for the second time of the day and Morgan laughed even harder, "wow, we didn't realize you were _that_ drunk. Kid, halfway through the evening you started magic tricks on her and it worked, she was totally into you...when we were leaving you said you wanted to show her something back at your place and the rest...well, I was not around for the rest gladly"

Spencer didn't say anything, he just studied his shoes, his mind running, so _he_ had seduced _her_? How in hell? How could he have been so drunk? Had someone replaced good, well-behaved Spencer Reid with a charmer and tricker?

"My god, kid, you really don't remember?", Morgan said finally his voice of one shade richer; pity, "You can't recall what you two did afterwards?" He was being nosy, of course.

"She said...heavens...she said that one...that one thing let to the other", Spencer moaned painfully to the ground and threw his hands on top of his face to hide his blushing. This was so uncomfortable. If, again, in any 'normal' imaginable scenario he'd have sex with a woman he sure wouldn't be telling Morgan but things were different, so he had to tell him. He had to understand.

"What are you so upset about, then kid?", Morgan asked baffled, he really couldn't see it.

"She...I...I know her from school", Spencer said, still not looking at his colleague who was under the weird impression, Spencer had _achieved _something by sleeping with her.

"She told us that", Derek said.

"No, you don't understand", Spencer said and looked up, "I know her from _High School_, don't you see? When I told you about Alexa Lisbon and the football-team and the flag post?"

Morgans features darkened when he recalled the story and the details came back to him but Spencer continued nevertheless.

"She's Harper Hillman, the girl that sent me right into their arms, the girl that walked up to me in the library"

"Oh kid", Morgan said after a while, the tone of his voice indicating he remembered the story now, "I'm sorry, I didn't...make the connection...I-"

"It's fine", Spencer said, "just...please just don't mention this to anybody, if Emily or Penelope ask...just say me and Harper went our different ways...despite what...what I...wanted to show her...uh...they don't need to know who she is"

Morgan nodded and Spencer knew his secret was safe with him.

He just wanted to forget about it, he wanted to go back to the Spencer Reid he knew, the one that didn't get drunk and have sex with women he picked up at a bar. That had been an episode displaying a very unlike version of himself he never wanted to be seen in public or private again. All he wanted was to forget about it, to never have to remember it again.

If life only was that easy.


	3. We Need To Talk

**Author's Note: **Okay, I know third update of the day and I know it's very very short but...well...I'm onto something and I need to get it out before it disappears on me, also the story doesn't really begin after this so...the next ones will be longer...please review if you read this far. Does it interest you? Can you see it happening? What do you guys think? Tell me, please! Thank You.

**--**

**9 Months**

**Chapter Three**

**We Need To Talk**

-Month Three, Week One-

Months passed around Spencer, two months, to be exact and they worked five cases and plenty of distraction kept his mind off of Harper Hillman and their little incident. It worked well, except of one little thing. He blushed each time he even thought about it, it was that meticulous.

He still didn't remember the night with her concisely but whenever he fell asleep his subconsciousness replayed little scenes and spilled them shattered over his dreams. It was nothing concrete, all blurry and in schemes and also weren't visual episodes mostly, it was more sounds, and feelings and smell. He heard her moan into his ear, but not pained, not sad but joyous, ecstatic, he saw a flash of red hair waving, he smelled her flowery very own scent, he felt her fingertips on his skin, his face buried in her neck. It was just glimpses but it made him wake up every morning soaking with sweat and an every time-new erection making him so ashamed of himself if hurt. He wasn't supposed to dream about her at all and if so, then not this way, he shouldn't be waking up aroused only to start an internal tirade. He wasn't used to these kinds of dreams, he was used to wake up in sweat but he'd never dreamed about sex. This was a field, completely unknown to him and he couldn't handle it.

He didn't tell anyone about it, just imagining to share what has become his darkest secret made him cringe. He would never tell a living soul about it.

Morgan gladly never mentioned Harper again and Emily and Penelope didn't either, he supposed Derek had told them not to bother him with it, so it was fairly easy to avoid thinking about her at work and he literally buried himself with it, to keep it that way.

That's why, when he saw her again, he couldn't have been more surprised.

He'd been at the office, going over a case-file that needed his finishing report when he heard Hotch call for him.

"Reid, there's someone asking for you in the lobby", he said, walking past Spencer's desk, not stopping.

"Who?", he called behind him, watching his boss' head turn around to him but still walking on.

"A girl", he replied curtly and left Spencer as clueless as before.

A bit curious he put the file down and made his way across the room to the small foyer in front of the glass doors and that's when his heart stopped.

Harper Hillman, holding on to her handbag as if to give her support, stood there, looking around nervously as if she was about to steal something any minute. It seemed like she felt...guilty, trapped, caught in some un-happening act. What did she want? He didn't want to talk to her, he didn't want to come close to her, he wanted to get as far away from her moans and sighs he heard in his head, now that he saw her. She looked different from how he remembered her. She'd put on a little weight around her face and she didn't radiate the self-confidence she'd had before. She looked rather...lorn now, worried and sort of haunted. She didn't look good, it was not a happy occasion so he decided to walk on, even if he hated it. His character simply forbade to leave a person standing like that somewhere, obviously in need for help. He had no idea why she would turn to him for help, though.

He took a deep breath to brace himself and stepped through the glass doors, when she finally spotted him, too. She attempted a smile but didn't succeed to keep it set as he didn't pay it back.

"Hey, Spence", she said quietly and looked up to him. He didn't recall her being so small, she was about two heads shorter than him and again she wore those pitiful puppy-eyes, hoaxing you to believe she was the most harmless and the most in need of protection person in the world.

"Harper", he said curtly, wincing inside at how well her scam worked on him, making him feeling almost sorry for not being able to be decent with her. He told himself to at least try, unwillingly enough. He was twenty-seven years old, he should start behaving like that. He was rude and that was unlike him, no matter what she'd done and how inexcusable it was, he should get a hold of himself, not for her sake, but for his own. He knew better than that, no; he _was_ better than that.

"Can we...uh", she stuttered and looked around hastily again, still appearing to be running away from something, "can we go somewhere quiet...uh...I think we...we...we really need to talk"

He eyed her throughout, furrowing his brow, what was this about? Her voice was hushed, weak, if he had to guess, he'd said she was in serious trouble but how could someone that seemed so gentle to the rest of the world get in trouble? And how could she believe he was in any mood to help her out?

But he nodded slightly anyway, according to his new found manners and if he had to be honest, he was also a bit curious now. He turned around and gestured her to follow him and with deliberate distance, they walked toward the nearby corridor that held three interrogation-rooms.

She followed him silently as he opened the first door on the right and entered the narrow, dimly lit room.

"What is it?", he asked and for the first time managed an ever so tiny smile but this time it was her that did not repay it.

"Uh...um...this is...ah", she looked as though she was in pain, Spencer watched her patiently but getting more curious by the second, "um...I guess you recall the...other night...I know it's been...well...a while...but..."

"What's wrong, Harper?", Spencer asked again, not only in dismay but sincerely worried about her suddenly, although he despised her, she looked so vulnerable, so painfully lost, his helpers-syndrome kicked in and made him preoccupied. She took some steps back without looking behind her, so she didn't see that she was about to crash against a wooden table and Spencer reflexively grabbed her arms and stopped her before she did so. She looked up to him, startled by his sudden touch, then behind herself and understanding his motive and then, out of nowhere tears sprung into her greenish brown eyes and she looked like a sad child that was just told her family was moving cities and she had to say goodbye to all her friends. A single tear went down her full cheek and when she finally spoke again, her voice was raspy.

"I...I am...I'm abut two months pregnant and its yours", she nearly sobbed.

And that was when Dr. Spencer Reid passed out because it suddenly all made sense.


	4. In Two Columns

**Author's Note: **I went over the last three chapters again and improved them, so if you want to, have a look at it, you should definitely check out the second paragraph of the third chapter, I added something that will be important or at least probably will give you a laugh. I also want to add that, cause we're all not so used to the angry Reid, because he never really gets angry on the show, you might have problems imagining him pissed off, if so, check that out on youtube: .com/watch?v=qvZZgmYKzN8 and keep it in mind...I want him to be somewhat like that angry with Harper, I hope I got it half right. =) Let me know what you think!

**--**

**9 Months**

**Chapter Four**

**In Two Columns**

-Month Three, Week One-

"Spence...Spencer"

"Reid"

"Dr. Reid"

"Spencer"

Through a clearing mist of noises, Spencer heard people calling out his name, one of them being Harper who'd might've just caused him a minor heart attack, calling him 'Spence' again. She was the second girl to ever call him that, only JJ did usually. JJ that had a baby. A baby. A BABY. His mind fought itself back to senses, to clarity and he regretted it straight away. He wanted to pass out again, the quicker the possible. He pushed his eyes tighter together and tried to force that gentle unconsciousness, that had drowned him only a few seconds ago, back onto him. If he would just stay faint long enough, it would go away, stop being real. If he never opened his eyes he would never have to face it at all.

He wasn't even trying to deny that she had told him the truth, there was no use for her in lying. It was all true. She wouldn't have looked like gazing into her own dug grave when she told him if it hadn't been true. And she wouldn't have bothered to seek him up to tell him, if he hadn't been the father. She'd probably noticed that one morning back then that he hadn't liked to see her in his bed much and she'd looked hurt enough when he'd last seen her on that day, looking like _she_ felt used and betrayed. She must've realized he was about the last person in the world that was going to support her with a baby that wasn't his. His. His baby. No, no, no. He knew it was true but he still couldn't believe it. What did that even mean? He would be a father. What the...how could he...what...how...his brain crashed down. He was an expert on about every possible subject but all his knowledge didn't do him no good at all now, nothing did do any good now. How did things like this even happen? How in all the worlds luck could he end up sleeping with her of all people and then how, how, HOW could she get pregnant from that one single, drunk, probably rushed and embarrassing time? Why did he never care to buy condoms? Even if it had seemed pathetic...like...as if he would ever have sex, as if anything was ever going to happen, And now it had happened. He had gotten a girl pregnant that he despised like few people in the world. How, how, HOW? How did he deserve this?

"Spencer", she said again and he felt a gentle female hand touching his head, removing his slightly too long curls from his forehead. It burned where she touched him. He was probably in fever.

"Reid, wake up", a deep base; Morgan, now what did he there.

"Maybe we should put his legs up?", a female mused...Emily.

"He's awake", his eyes are moving normally – this was Rossi, "he chooses not to open his eyes"

He sounded faintly amused.

"Come on kid, stop the game, get up", Morgan said and he felt his rough hand rocking his shoulder.

"REID", he yelled so sudden and so loud, Spencer's eyes flew up in reflex, even though he didn't want them to. Now it was to late. The world had him back.

He starred up to Morgan and Emily who were leaning over his head and next to him, her hand resting on his upper arm, kneeled Harper, her face a poem of worries.

Rossi sat on the table and looked down at him.

"What the hell happened kid?", Morgan asked, "we just heard her scream out for help and then, here you are, not moving"

What was he going to tell him? Did Harper tell them what she'd just revealed? Was that why he looked at her that grimly? Spencer opened his mouth, trying to say something but then, lacking words, closing it again, he must've looked like a fish washed ashore.

"We just talked about something and then suddenly he went all white and fell", said Harper quickly, shooting him an almost uncatchable glance of reassurement and for one split second they were partners in crime. She hadn't told them and he certainly wouldn't.

"I...I have no idea what happened", he lied and lifted himself up to sit with his free hand.

"You better take the afternoon off and get some rest", Emily said and the others nodded in agreement.

"I can take him home, I'm here by car", Harper's high voice rang again, too close to Spencer's ears.

NO!

"Yes", said Emily, "that's a brilliant idea, Harper"

Spencer looked at Morgan, the only one knowing how he felt about the red-head, panic-stricken.

"I can take him", the husky man said dutifully, meaning to help out his friend.

"It's no big deal, I need to get back to the city anyway", Harper said smiling but her determination shone through more than obviously, "plus Spencer and me have to talk about a _little something_"

Done. Spencer Reid was done. He couldn't say no. He couldn't be that guy to deny her that. They really needed to talk and he wouldn't send her away. It didn't matter that he didn't want to, he couldn't say no anymore, it had just become impossible. The moment she mentioned the '_little something_', the result of his reckless act, he couldn't back off anymore. This was serious.

He couldn't run away from that.

"It's alright", he finally said under his breath, "Harper will take me home, see you tomorrow, then?"

He got up, with a hand of Morgan and saw them nod at him, Emily looking smug. He had a quiet suspicion why; he thought him and Harper were dating. And he had no doubt that she would spread the word.

"Get well soon", Rossi and Morgan said in unison as he and Harper left the now crowded room. They made their way wordlessly and with even greater distance than before to the elevators. Almost right at the second, the doors opened and released five agents Spencer didn't know and then they had the cabin to themselves.

When the elevator rumbled downwards, one could've cut the silence with a knife.

"I'm sorry", Harper mumbled, staring at the metal doors, "I didn't mean to u-"

"Please", Spencer cut her off resignedly, "let's not talk about it here"

She fell silent abruptly. Now he really felt bad, not just because he felt he needed to to be a good person, no, right now, he really felt bad for treating her like that. It was just...he couldn't deal with it just now. There were just too many thoughts in his head. He needed to sort some things out for himself first before he could talk to her.

For example how this could all be happening. How on earth he was ever going to be a father, what this all meant for him and how he could be the right person, doing the right thing, when the 'wrapper' around his baby was _who_ it was. He'd checked, but his aversion for Harper was still there, now just weirdly mixed with the preoccupation he'd felt for her earlier. But that wasn't for her, not for her as a whole, just for the part of her that was the mother of his child and naturally the child itself inside of her. It needed to be safe...given...that she decided to keep it. He wanted a word in this and he would have. He would veto. No matter how he felt about her, he wouldn't let her kill their child without protest. He wouldn't be able to stop her, after all it was her body and her decision and she had no reason to consider his opinion but he would let her know that he didn't approve it, didn't accept it. He didn't know where that was coming from, the instant care about the being inside this...woman but it was strong enough to make him jump to her side frantically, when she suddenly stopped on their way to her car and leaned weakly against the wall of the building.

"What's wrong?", he asked her, his voice higher than usual with worry and supported her until she stood for herself again.

"Thanks", she whispered, standing alone, but still holding on to his arm, "I just get that sometimes, I get dizzy, the doctor said it's because my body needs so much blood down with the baby, it's sometimes short on my brain"

"What else did the doctor say?", Spencer asked, carefully but decisively removing her hand. She understood the hint and started walking on at their now usual distance.

"It's...a risk-pregnancy, I...it's...I'll explain later, okay?", she said when they appeared to have reached her car. Spencer could tell because she took out the car keys. His brain immediately buzzed in alarm.

"What are you doing?", he asked, eying her intensely.

"Driving you home?"

"Not when you're getting dizzy like that", he ordered, holding out his hand, "I'll drive" He usually wasn't bossing people around like that but he wouldn't let her drive that car if she was close to passing out frequently, it was too dangerous. He was alert like he was when they worked a case and entered the unsub's house, unsure if he would be standing behind the next corner pointing a gun. It had been about the same level of anxiety when he'd seen her putting her keys into the lock on the door.

The car was a shabby, kind of turquoise old Ford and it took her less than two steps to get around it to pass on the keys.

"Thank you", she said.

"I'm not doing this for _you_", he answered coldly. He was slowly starting to be ashamed of himself. His behavior was over the line but he couldn't help it. With everything happening, he didn't function properly anymore. He should be able to control his emotions but he wasn't. He wanted to apologize but the words didn't cross his lips. He felt like he was watching himself from a distance, not able to interfere with what this guy, that wasn't really him was doing. Somehow everything was mixed up and it didn't look like it was going to be any better.

He was a bad driver but good enough to get home to DC safer than she would've, risking to get another dizzy episode behind the wheel. The whole time, he didn't say anything, half afraid to say something mean again and half tempted to ask her how she'd been so irresponsible, not taking the pill and then having sex with him, so all in all, he was completely confused and pretty much in two columns. Who would have ever expected Spencer Reid to wind up like that?

And there he'd thought he'd finally grown up. He felt all fourteen again, confronted with things too big for him alone to handle, loosing all of the personality he'd thought to be his and watching it fall apart.

His apartment was the same he left it, tidy and mostly empty, he didn't have a lot of furniture, the majority of his disposition consisted mostly of filled book-shelves, sorted by theme and language.

He led Harper, who still clung to her handbag, through his little entrance corridor, passed the guest rest room next to the entrance door and over to the somewhat spacious living room. It was a combined living and dining room, with a sofa and two armchairs facing a little coffee-table and the TV set on the left wall. He didn't have cable or satellite but a DVD-player installed to watch some movies sometimes. The opposite side of the room held an in-built kitchen and there was a small dining table with two chairs. Of course, Spencer usually ate alone but he'd thought it looked unsymmetrical and, to be true, too sad to have just one chair standing on the table.

"You can...sit down", he said, turning his head slightly to Harper, trying to be friendly to make up for his mean comment from earlier, "Do you want a coffee?...Uh...are you allowed coffee?"

"A moderate consume is perfectly safe", she replied with a timid smile, almost as if she was afraid he'd snap at her again if she smiled for real.

Spencer silently made coffee as she sat down and studied her fingernails, she was obviously uncomfortable and somehow Spencer didn't feel like they were two late-twenty-year-olds, but it seemed like they were both kind of thrown back to their teen-years where everything was awkward and weird and hard. About ten minutes later with no word spoken, he poured the coffee into two mugs and put them on the table before sitting down as well.

"Thanks", she said and looked at him, sort of checking if it was safe to start talking.

"So...well...uh...I really didn't mean to...ah...sweep you off your feet", a nervous giggle, "I just...well...I wanted to tell you...after all, I think you need to know because it's yours after all and as I'm going to keep it-"

"You're keeping it?", Spencer interrupted but not with bad intention, only because it surprised him and he was happy about it and throwing in questions like that was the first Spencer-typical thing he'd done since he'd seen her in the foyer an hour ago, that seemed like a lifetime now.

"Yes", she answered, raising her eyebrow at the unexpected positive note to his voice but she obviously still felt like she had to explain herself, "I...well...I might as well tell you...ten years ago, I...I had an abortion. I was only sixteen and it was about the end of the world for me...also because...uh...well, the father was...well he...I mean, it wasn't rape exactly because I said it was okay but it wasn't far off, he just...took advantage of me at prom and I was really in love and...I thought it was going to be okay but when I told him about the baby, he called me names and said he wouldn't let a slut mess up his life by adherence him a bastard"

She paused as she brought back the old unhappy memories and left Spencer wondering why she told him if it obviously hurt her and also, deep down in his chest he felt a ball of dark material curling up, weighing tons and pulling him down. This had been the bad Karma he'd wished unto her,it had hid long before he met her again and now he knew it didn't make him happier, he only felt guilty for even thinking such a thing. No one deserved what had happened to her, not even she.

She cleared her throat and when she started to talk again it sounded like she was close to tears.

"So...all of the sudden I was all alone with that baby and I had no idea what to do, I had dreams, I wanted to be a psychologist, I wanted to go to college and...I...I hated myself but I...I didn't know what else to do and I knew I couldn't set it out for adoption because once I had it I would want to keep it...and...ah...I had it killed...I really...I...I was crying the whole way through when they got it out and then there was just pain...and...then everything went black", she swallowed and suck in some air, trying not to cry, "and when I woke up the doctor said there'd been...complications...something went...horribly wrong...he...he said I would probably...I would never be able to conceive another...another child...I was...I...I always wanted a family, not like that, I mean...later when I was all set and found...the right person...and it was all gone...I..."

She wiped her eyes with the collar of her sleeve and took another two or three deep breaths before she continued.

"And then, this happened and I...you know, I didn't use birth control because I thought it was impossible that this could happen...and it...did...this...this baby is a miracle, you know and...I'm not...I'm not giving it up"

Silence fell upon them and Spencer looked at her, the way she still stared at her shaking hands.

"I wouldn't want you to", he said simply after a heartbeat.

And then she looked up to him, her eyes were teary and unreadable.

"If there is anything I can do...", he said and not only because it was the right thing to say but also because she needed him to.

"I...I mean...if there's something...I mean...I would...I mean...d'you think I could call you?", she replied in a quiet voice as if afraid to ask.

"Anytime", Spencer said, his eyes locked on her, unable to think about his grudge this very second, "and if you want I can check on you from time to time, making sure you didn't get dizzy again"

The hint of a smile crossed her features.

"I...uh...well, I kind of don't really have an address anymore", a nervous giggle and an alert Spencer again, "I am...I was...living with a friend of mine, Chelsea, but her boyfriend just moved in with her so...there'll be no room for two more, so...I...I-"

"And where do you think you're going?", he asked with a stern look.

"I...don't know...I've been thinking...students arms maybe, I'm pretty short on money...uh..."

"You're staying here", he didn't know why he said that, and why with such determination, objection was useless. He had no idea why he nearly ordered the one person in his life he'd had the most negative feelings about to come and live at his house but he wouldn't have her live in a shabby arms apartment of probably two square-feet in the most wrong environment for a mother-to-be. That was just not happening no matter that it meant that she'd be around for quiet a while and he'd have to cope with it. But this wasn't only about him any more and it was the right thing to do.

"I...are you...serious?", she asked, faint hope mingling with her teary voice.

"Yes"

"I mean...I would...it would...be...great, I wouldn't have dared to ask, I...god, I swear I'm going to work double-shifts to save up enough money to get my own place-"

"-after the baby is born", he threw in and caught yet another look of surprise.

"after?...well...then after...uh...well...I'll get onto my feet, I will be out before you even notice...I promise and I will cook and clean and do everything here, I...I used to give Chelsea two-hundred bugs for the rent, you'll get that, too-"

"-that won't be necessary", Spencer knew she must've been pretty desperate, the way she agreed to his offer most immediately, he wondered what she would've done if he hadn't...working double-shifts with a baby on the way. Well, not with his baby on the way.

"You see those two doors?", he gestured towards the third wall of the rectangular room, the one opposite to the door leading to the corridor. She nodded.

"The right one leads to my study, there's a guest bed, you can...you can stay there, put your stuff there, I'll be at work all day tomorrow, so you can set up everything unhurriedly"

Suddenly she made a sound that sounded hardly human, it was some sort of a haul and now she was really crying. Spencer jumped at the sudden outburst and wondered what had led to it.

"Thank you so much", she cried, grabbing his hand into both of hers, "that's the nicest thing...anyone has ever done for me...I...I'm sorry about the crying...I..can't really control it lately"

Another of her nervous giggles but this time, mixed with sobs.

"It's the best for the baby", Spencer said and squeezed one of her fingers slightly. She nodded again and they looked at each other for a while.

"You know what, I think I'm going to get my stuff now, and...say goodbye to Chelsea", Harper said wryly as she let go of his hand.

"O...okay", Spencer said, "I'll be in bed early, there's a spare key next to the front door, take it, then you can come back as you please"

"Thank you", she said and got up, she headed for the door slowly and then stopped halfway, "Spencer?"

He looked up.

"Really, thank you, you...you have no idea what this means to me, you know, I've felt like pretty much alone with this, you needn't be doing all this, I mean...it's all my fault we're in this mess, I don't know how to thank you for what you're sacrificing for me...for _us_", she gently stroked her belly, where there was no trace of her state yet.

"There's always two people to do that", he said, tilting his head towards her body, "and...well...it's not really much of a sacrifice"

When she turned to leave he thought about his own words.

Wasn't it a sacrifice? He would have to deal with having her around always, always reminded of what she'd done and what it had done to him but then...she'd also been through a lot and now there was something more they had in common, something so much bigger. He was literally stuck in two columns, one part of him still hurt and grudging and the other one suddenly affected, suddenly even...affectionate. It sure would be a lot harder to hate her from now on.

When he lay in bed that night, before she'd returned he felt overwhelmed with everything. Everything had changed over the course of one single day.

When woke up in the morning, he'd been living alone and his only family was his mother, when he'd woken in the morning his only responsibility was his job, his only commitment was to himself. He went to sleep with a roommate and more than that, with a family of his own, so many new responsibilities and one commitment that was stronger than anything he'd ever felt in his life. He was about to be a father, and that alone, not to speak of all the other severe changes, turning his whole life upside down, was, even with a mind like his own, hard to come by.


	5. Another Revelation

Thank you everyone for the nice reviews! The always make my day, they really do, so...keep them coming ;-) Tell me what you think!

--

**9 Months**

**Chapter Five**

**Another Revelation**

-Month Three, Week One-

Spencer woke up from his alarm clock at six in the morning, he'd be the first one in the office but he wanted to avoid running into Harper at the breakfast table. He couldn't really put a word to it, why he didn't want to cross her way but a little spiteful part of him didn't want to start liking her. It was narrow minded and stupid and if he'd been reasonable enough, he'd known better but he was refusing to forgive her. It was inexcusable, it was a terrible thing to do and she'd done it none the less and she'd probably never thought twice about it.

When he was ready, he left his room carefully, finding the living room empty with no sign, that Harper had been up already. He picked up his leather teacher bag form the sofa where he always put it and started walking out. Just before opening his front door, he hesitated and then went back to the kitchen, taking a pen. On the counter lay a pack of post-its and he got one of the little yellow papers and scribbled his cell phone number and a note on it.

_Take anything you need, call when somethings wrong. Spencer_

He put it on the refrigerator-door, hoping she would be able to decipher the hieroglyphics that were his handwriting and then finally left the apartment.

He was indeed the first one in and immediately started going over a very small pile of paper work, he would have to ask the others to do their work for them if he wanted to be distracted for longer than two hours. But so far it worked, he almost didn't think of Harper the whole time until Morgan dropped in, about an hour later, shooting him a glare that said as much as "explain."

Spencer didn't want to, but also knew that Morgan would never going to leave him in peace if he didn't tell him and also...it was probably wise to confide in someone who had a little more knowledge on 'woman'-things and apart from that, Spencer seriously needed someone to tell him what to do and maybe Morgan could.

He nodded at him, into the direction of Morgans new office and they both started walking. His colleague carefully closed the door behind them once they entered.

"What was that passing out-business yesterday? Did she knock you out, kid?", Morgan asked, unknowing he'd pretty much nailed the facts.

"So to speak", Spencer sighed, he had no idea how he was supposed to put it in words what happened, he feared it would take hours to explain how absolutely unexpected, weird, terrifying and unreal it was.

"So what happened?", Morgan asked impatiently.

"Ah...well...it's...", oh god, Morgan would probably pass out when he heard, too, "uh, you remember the other night, don't you?"

"Where you revealed yourself to be quiet the pick-up artist , you mean?"

Spencer pursed his lips, staring at the floor, this was going to be really awkward.

"Yes, that night", he said and took a deep breath, "Harper dropped in yesterday to...uh...inform me, that...well...that she is...uh...pregnant with my child" He'd rushed the part about the pregnancy and had started mumbling severely. That he told Morgan didn't mean that he had to understand it acoustically. When Spencer didn't hear anything after a few seconds, no reaction whatsoever, he peeked up at his friend he found him staring at him with a wide open mouth and the most surprised surprise-expression, he'd sever seen on a human.

"Okay, very funny", he said eventually, shaking his head, but still with the weird twist in his face, implying he was just hoping that Spencer was joking and wasn't really convinced yet.

"I'm serious", Spencer said curtly and then looked him straight into the eye to make him see he was not being funny.

"Oh my god, kid, you're serious?!", he exhaled soundly with features becoming more shocked and yet more disbelieving by the second.

"I know", Spencer said, "and she is keeping it and...uh...she sort of hasn't a place for her own at the moment so I...I kind of offered her to stay with me"

Morgan just stared at him while he shuffled his feet as if it could kick the surreality of the situation away, his colleague looked as if his whole world view had just tumbled to the ground.

"But you hate her", he said and sounded nothing like a thirty-six-year old man, more like a school-girl that just heard the newest-unthought-of-gossip.

"I know", Spencer repeated, "except, I don't in a way now, I mean...she's been through a lot and...uh...she's the mother of my child"

"_Your_ child, _your child_, damn Reid...I would've never thought you'd have a family before I did", he smiled jokingly but Spencer knew exactly how true it was.

"Congrats, then, I guess", his colleague said, holding out his head.

"Thanks", mumbled Spencer, shaking his hand, but definitely a happy expecting father would have looked different from the lanky tall man that had started biting his bottom lip again.

"When are you going to tell the team?", Morgan asked the question, Spencer dreaded to answer.

_Never?_

"You know, you'll have to eventually", he added, "you'll need a new insurance, covering your child and believe me, Hotch will want to know about it"

"Yes, but...well I have seven more months, right?", he attempted a smile that failed at the image popping up in his mind of his team-mates reactions, all shocked and buffed out, "just...let me sort things out for myself first, okay? I will tell them just...just not yet"

"Alright, kid", he answered after a while, "if you need anything, I have your back"

"Thank you", Spencer said sincerely as the left the office and Morgan put his hand on his shoulder in a reassuring manner.

The rest of the day Spencer just kept his fingers crosses, hoping JJ would turn up and tell them to get their go-bags because they where headed to the Antarctic, or something very very far away from DC. He wasn't so glad, so the hours just traveled past him and his thoughts inevitably started trailing around Harper and their kid.

It all seemed so unreal, he'd said to Morgan he had seven months left, seven months and then things would never be the same again. He wondered how the child would be, a pretty little girl with red curls and an affinity for books? Or a little boy that hopefully inherited more of his brains than his looks. He wondered how it would feel when he or she was there, he already felt responsible, preoccupied about it but wouldn't there be so much more of a stronger bond? He knew JJ couldn't survive the day without calling Henry when they were in another town and she was always dead worried about him. He also wondered how it would be when Harper left with the baby, how often he would see his child and he would, he would see it as often as he could. He would never become like his father, walking away from the person that needed him the most in the world. He would never be that man in no child's life, the one you only remember to regret it because the pain of abandonment is just too much.

It was almost four o'clock pm when Spencer's phone rang, an unknown number appeared on the display and he almost didn't answer the call before he remembered that he'd left Harper his number on the post-it.

"Yes", he spoke into the phone.

"Spencer?", asked Harpers voice unsure and tinny through the speaker.

"Yeah, Harper, it's me", Spencer caught Emily eying him suspiciously and hoped he didn't catch him saying Harpers name before. She would be interpretation this whole thing wrong enough as it was.

"Hey", Harper said, "so I was on my way back from lecture and there's this grocery store so I though...when will you be back from work?"

"Uh...about seven, I guess", Spencer said, wondering what she was implying.

"Okay", he could hear her smile through the speakers, "do you have any favorite food?"

What? Was she trying to make small-talk on the phone?

"I...I like Indian Food", Spencer answered perplex.

"Great, okay, great", she said and he heard glasses being pushed against each other, making the typical 'cling'-sound, what on earth was she doing?

"So, when you're home I'll have dinner ready, something Indian...as a little thank you", she announced and Spencer understood.

"Uh...that's not necessary", he said, really not wanting to spent an awkward dinner with her, trying bot not to hate and not to like her at the same time.

"Oh, it so is and I want to", she insisted, "my food's worth it, I promise...oh, and please...don't be late, bye"

And with that she hung up on him.

"What's wrong?", asked Morgan when he put his phone down, his face white as chalk.

"I...uh...I think Harper's just invited me to dinner"

–

When Spencer turned the key in his front door lock, he'd already estimated the delicious oriental smell filling up the staircase was coming from inside his apartment. Seemingly Harper held on to her promise and cooked something that, if it tastes like it smelled would be one delicious meal. Spencer still didn't like going inside.

He found her setting the table and looking up from correcting the position of a fork and after she curtly pulled a face, she smiled.

"You're five minutes early", she said happily, she had obviously decided to cover up the weird mood around them with her always a little desperate happy-go-lucky manner, in her naïve way, probably hoping he would eventually stop shotting her down all the time.

For his sanity, Spencer decided he would just play along with it, eat, thank her and get to bed, without any further attempts to talk.

"Sit", she ordered, her somewhat forced smile still on her lips. She had even dolled herself up a little, put some make-up on and wore high heels. Spencer once again admitted to the fact, that he would never fully understand this wing of his species, women, why would she cook in High Heels? Or why would she eat in them? Had she put them on to somehow impress him?

While she served up and put a fully loaded plate with curry in front of him she whistled a tune Spencer didn't know and felt like he was stuck in an old cereal commercial, the mother setting the table for everyone and the kids happily eating their cornflakes. Was she playing house here?

"Good appetite", she said, sitting down beside him and waited, her eyes locked on him until he picked up the spoon and took a bite. It was truly delicious. She might be a treacherous brat but she could definitely cook, he thought, unable to stop the approving sound that left his throat.

"It's really good", he admitted, suddenly actually hungry and continued to eat. When he was halfway through with his plate, he looked up again and found her still not eating, staring at her own full plate.

"Why aren't you eating?", before he could stop his curiosity.

"It kind of makes me sick", she said sheepishly, "when I was cooking it, I got nausea from the smell suddenly and...well I thought I could eat it now, after...well...after emptying my stomach earlier...but it turns out I can't"

Spencer looked at her for a second and she gave him a funny look and shrugged.

"I'm glad you like it though", she said, "I really owe you, whenever I find the time, I'll put as much food on this table as it can hold...you really need to gain some weight, by the way" A giggle. She was trying really hard to pretend they were two old friends.

"Uh...there is...also another reason for this", she said suddenly, making him look up from his food again, he face had gotten all serious.

"I wanted to...set some things straight", she started.

"I'm not going to take advantage of you", Spencer interrupted her straight away after hastily swallowing. To his surprise she started chuckling.

"I...I really didn't mean that", she said, shaking her head a little and biting her lip, "no, I...I wanted to tell you something. Because...well, I couldn't help noticing you being, well...a little bit jaundiced with me since...well...actually since before you got drunk that day...and...I think I know why. It took me a while to figure it out and...I've been loosing quiet the sleep over it but...I remember, and I wanted to make sure you knew the truth so you can stop being mad at me", she took a deep breath, like she apparently always did before saying something she considered very important.

"Back in High School, when they...when they put you...on that flag post behind the gym...I...and I swear on my grandmothers dead body, I'm telling you the truth; I had no idea what they were planning when I came to get you from the library, I swear, Spencer. All I did was come to tell you Alexa wanted to see you and I really really believed myself that she did, because she'd sent me herself but no one ever said a word to me what they had in mind with you. I had no idea. And when I left Drama rehearsal and saw you tied up naked outside with Alexa standing by and...laughing...I did the math and, believe me, I felt so horrible. I told my brother, I begged him to untie you, I even wanted to do it myself when he said no, but he held me back and told me to go home...I...didn't speak to him for a whole week after that. I thought it was terrible and shameful what they did to you and I felt guilty to have been involved in it. I always wanted to tell you but whenever I saw you on the halls, you avoided me and really anyone else and...I always felt sorry about it and I know you don't have any reason to believe me but it's true, you can call my brother and ask him, I had no idea about the whole thing. And I felt really bad. Really bad."

Halfway through her speech, Spencer had dropped his spoon. He stared at her, tried to find a twitch, a signal, any kind of sign that she was lying but there was none, just her damn green-brown-eyes piercing right through him, absolutely sincere.

He had seen enough people lie for three lifetimes, she was none of them.

It took a heartbeat for this to sink in. All this time he'd misjudged her, treated her in an ugly way that wasn't even like him much and all this time, he'd been completely, utterly wrong about her. Sure she could just be telling him this to make him like her more but she already had all she could've wanted to get out of him, she had his support and he'd left her stay with him, before, she didn't need to make any further effort. She really did feel bad and he could tell from her face that she wasn't a liar.

She looked at him nervously, trying to read his face as he read hers but Spencer knew this to be hard with him, he could keep a straight face forever. She really cared about him understanding, believing and maybe even forgetting her.

Spencer felt so stupid as yet another revelation hit him. He'd been so blind by his anger and his hurt pride, his grudge against her, he hadn't even considered the fact that she might not even had to be involved in the whole prank. Sure she called him up but why wouldn't she if she was asked to by a prior student, not thinking anything bad about it. Yes, he'd seen her there with everyone but only so shortly, so dimly through a gray mist of tears, he hadn't caught her laughing, or even smiling. And also, she'd only been eleven, what use would it have been to tell a child – which she surely was in the eyes of Alexa and Adrian and all the others – about their plan, when they couldn't expect her, being so young and innocent, to approve of it or understand the joke of it.

She hadn't been the bad person all along..._he_'d been.


	6. Making Up

**Author's Note: **Yes, I know it's fluffy but...I need to warn you, there'll be more episodes like that, he probably will be pissed off again but I don't think with her. Tell me what you think, nevertheless =)

**9 Months**

**Chapter Six**

**Making Up **

-Month Three, Week One-

Spencer still stared into blankness and was occupied with the merry-go-round of thoughts in his head. Harper had never known about the whole plan to strip him down and tie him to the flag post, she'd never been the person he'd thought her do be. And he had acted like a complete a-hole this whole time. He felt so ashamed of him self, it made him sick to his stomach.

"Spencer?", Harper asked and he could see her from the corner of his eye as he kept looking at his hands, "please don't me mad at me, I'm not lying, honestly"

"No", said Spencer reflexively, he'd obviously made her believe he was absolutely hateful, "I know, you're not lying"

He looked up to her and saw sincere relief in her eyes and another wave of guilt washed over him. How he'd treated her that morning after they had...sex.

"I...Harper, I'm...", he tried to find the right words to make her see that he was candid, "I didn't know...I...didn't even think, I'm so sorry, Harper"

For a second she studied his eyes and then, really slowly, as if watching a slow-motion, she started to smile.

"Everything's fine", she said, "now you know and we can start over"

There was a short silence when they looked at each other again, both aware that they stood at a new beginning here, Harper probably happy that he wouldn't hate her anymore and Spencer still with a conscience bad enough for five people.

Then, Harper was suddenly changing her position, she'd turned the chair half around so she sat almost next to Spencer and threw out her tiny hand.

"Friends?", she asked hopefully, waiting for him to agree. He didn't really like shaking hands with people he only knew so frequently but then again he'd done other, way dirtier things with her and she seemed to need the harmony badly, so he finally took her hand into his and shook it firmly.

"Friends", he said and at her wide grin, he couldn't help but smile along.

"No eat, it's getting cold", she said when she let go and nodded her head towards his curry. He followed her order and continued eating. The last time he had swallowed she'd been one of the most despicable people on earth to him, now she suddenly wasn't. It felt weird, like a part that had grown inside of him during the last couple of months had form one second to the other been taken away. It left a hole inside him and it felt funny but not in a bad way because what was missing now was the acidic taste of hatred and frustration, swallowed rage grudge, all things Spencer had never felt so thoroughly, things that had never really been part of is personality. He saw the glimpse of hope of going back to normal again. Sure, soon, nothing would be normal again but he, at least, could come back to the person he'd been before, the considerate Spencer, the reflected Spencer, the balanced Spencer. He liked that idea although it was still unsure how Harper would fit into that. So, he had no reason to hate her anymore but it would still be weird all of the sudden living with someone he didn't know and after all he'd found out tonight, didn't know _at all_.

When he finished his food, he smiled at her again, meanwhile she'd put what was on her plate back into the jar and had waited for him eating up.

"This was really good", he said, because it looked like she waited for him to say something, he guessed she didn't trust the peace fully yet.

"Thanks", she said and then grabbed for his plate and his cutlery to put it into the dishwasher but not without another long yawn. She'd been yawning every now and again while Spencer was still eating. He was on his feet in a second and took the dish out of her hands.

"Go to sleep, you're tired", he said and smiled because he told her what to do in that order-giving-manner, he wasn't used to being gentle with her yet, so he made sure he knew why he'd said it, "you already cooked, now I can clean up, don't worry, you can go to bed"

"Thank you", she said when she let go of the plate, she'd still held, giving them to him now. She retreated, with a smile and went to her room.

Spencer cleaned up the table and put their unused glasses back into the shelf. There was still enough curry in the pot for tomorrow, she might be able to eat it then so he put it into the refrigerator.

"Spence?", he almost hit his head at the top of the fridge as he jumped from Harpers sudden question, he ducked away from the thing, closed the door and saw her standing in front of her room, dressed in oversized sweat pants and a top with Kermit, the frog on it. Now that was amusing. He couldn't stop the smile spreading and she smiled back, noticing his eyes on her top.

"He's my favorite Muppet", she explained, "he's got this great-"

"-distinct sense of humor", Spencer finished her sentence and she nodded happily.

"It will totally suck when I can't wear it anymore", she said, "you know like..." She mimed the last part of her sentence by bringing both her hands up to her stomach and gesturing a big bulged belly by making an half circle, starting beneath her breasts going down to her pelvis.

Spencer had an idea.

"What are you doing tomorrow?", he asked.

"Tomorrow's Saturday, so, I planned on staying in sweatpants, reading all day, why?"

"Just curious", he lied and smiled, "I think you had a question"

"Yeah, just...I wanted to know if I might use your bathroom, I went to the guests restroom yesterday but...", and then as if she was admitting something embarrassing, "it has no mirror"

Spencer couldn't help but smile again, she was worried he'd find her vain.

"Sure"

She brought her two thumbs up, turned to her room and after half a second she was back with her washbag, heading for the bathroom. You had to cross Spencer's bedroom to get to it but hey, she'd been there before, hadn't she?

They said goodnight when Spencer, his work in the kitchen done, entered his room and she came back from the bathroom. A polite smile and an awkward silence later, when Spencer had his dorm to himself, he knew that a new chapter of his life was just about to begin. And he had a plan how to make that chapter start. He wanted to start t on a blank page, without a bad conscience, without grudge and without the little moment in every of Harpers looks, telling him, she was still afraid that he hadn't forgiven her for something she'd never even done. This would change tomorrow, he thought and his mind started working again.

He woke in the morning quiet early, the way he always did on weekends, his inner clock was set to be early. Harpers was obviously not.

He'd eaten a quick breakfast and went through the plan in his head again. He'd made a plan, a plan to make up for the things he'd said and done to Harper.

He finished his second cup of coffee shortly after his Victorian grandfather clock stroke eleven am and there was still no sign of her. Well, she didn't know about his surprise for her, because then it hadn't been a surprise anymore but that way she also had no idea about the schedule and didn't bother to wake up when he needed her too. He put the cup down on the table and walked towards her room, then hesitated and then walked on, knocking softly on the door.

No answer. Yet another moment of hesitation before he carefully opened the door and entered. His study was nothing like he'd remembered it.

She'd decorated the desk where his computer stood with photos of her family – Adrian grinned winningly from one of them and sent a flash of anger through him that sort of stopped when his eyes traveled to a photo nearby, it was her at age eleven approximately. He saw her for real now, the way she'd been, there was nothing ambidextrous, nothing heedless about her, she was just a little girl with a head full of dreams that couldn't think bad of anybody and couldn't hurt a fly.

All of this also spoke from the room, with just a few simple touches, she'd gave it her note, three flower-pots on the window-sill, a new peachy curtain, colorful pillows she lay on now, still peacefully asleep, a movie-poster of "Moulin Rouge" over the bed and a collage of pictures from other movies on the wall on top of the desk. He saw stills from "The Beauty And The Beast" and "Mary Poppins" but also of "Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas" and "Shawn Of The Dead" and some of Charlie Chaplin that made him smile.

The three bookshelves where still there but she'd seemingly put all of his books into two of them and had stored her own books into the spare one. He quickly looked over it and noticed she'd kept his order, by alphabet and language, for his books but hers were just sorted into the shelve by no traceable pattern. On the top shelve stood a compilation of philosophy classics, Kant, Nietzsche, Seneca, Plato, Hobbes but also Freud, Hawkins and Dawkins and Darwin. Below where variously shattered and mixed cookbooks, volumes of poetry, and plenty of novels. Spencer guessed them to be half crime-books and half romantic-numbers based on the titles. "Mud, Muck And Dead Things" by Ann Granger, "What I Did For Love" by Susan Elizabeth Phillips, an inevitable copy of Erich Segal's "Love Story" but only three of Simon Beckett's published crime-novels. They took three shelves. In the bottom one stood about sixteen large bound books that had handwritten numbers on them, from 1993 to 2009; her scrapbooks. And there was another book, light yellow, that looked different from the others and it had a printed title, not a handwritten one that said "My first Year".

A scrapbook for the baby. It couldn't be hers because it looked to modern so he figured it had to be for their child. Had she already put stuff in it? Spencer was momentarily so curious, he was happy that Harper was still soundly asleep and showed no signs of that changing.

He knelt down and took the book out carefully, always checking if he'd woken her. He would have never touched the other scrapbooks as they were personal, but he figured, as it was also his child, he was allowed a peek.

He sat down with it in tailor seat and opened the nicely decorated book, holding his breath. The first page said: 'Introducing: Me, __________(room for name)' – she couldn't have thought of a name yet because the sex wasn't determinable yet – 'From Mommy's pregnancy to my first Birthday'

He turned the page and found another cover sheet reading '9 Months' and on the next page was some sort of chart. It had various free places to fill out but those that were already written read:

'Date of conception: April 23rd 2009' – The day they had met again.

'First thing Mommy thought: OMG' – he smiled vaguely, Garcia always said 'OMG', it wasn't really appropriate for both concerning their ages but it was probably precisely what Harper'd been thinking when she found out about her 'miracle', what she called it.

'Things Mommy and Daddy are most looking forward when I'm there: holding you in my arms for the first time, watching you grow, hearing you laugh," - she had made a comma at the end, maybe because she wanted to write on or...maybe, because she wanted him to fill it out, too.

The column 'First thing Daddy thought' was empty as well and on a whim, Spencer took a pencil from the table, he could reach from his sitting position and wrote: "OMG". After he'd put it away and turned the page over at which second his heart stopped beating once again.

There it was, an ultra-sound picture, dated to only three days before, Monday, the day before she came to the BAU to change Spencer's life for ever. You couldn't spot much but there was a round thing encircled, the baby's head, _his_ baby's head. He was looking at the first picture of his child. A drop from above landed on the picture and only when he wiped it off with the collar of his cardigan, he noticed that he'd started crying.

That moment, Harper coughed and turned in bed. She was not up yet, so Spencer frantically put the book back into the shelf and wiped his eyes before lunging to the bed.

"Good morning Harper", he whispered, gently rocking her shoulder. His heart beat up to his throat, the picture was imprinted into his brain, he would never forget it and the little creature was inside of this woman. That made her the most precious being in the whole universe to him and today he would make her see that they could make a fresh start. With no inhibitions, just the mutual care for the person growing inside of her.

Her eye-lids flattered and she half tilted her head before they flew open.

"Spence", she said sitting up, saying his name like it was 'What are you doing here?'

"Good morning, he repeated quietly, "sorry to wake you, but I have a surpr-"

He didn't finish his sentence, momentarily cut off by the changing of her features; they went from tired, wondered and rosy-glowing to white, then shocked and then apologetically as her hand shot to her mouth and the other one pushed him out of the way. She hurried past him as he lost balance and fell to his butt, through the living room, into the corridor with impressive speed. And then Spencer heard a door open and a toilet-seat being folded up and was up on his feet again, making his own quick way to the guest-restroom.

He found her hanging over the bowl, with one hand holding the mess of fiery red curls out of the way and with the other holding on to the ceramic edge while throwing up violently.

Spencer was beside her in no time, taking over her hair so she could grab the edge with both hands while another wave of nausea made her cringe. After about three minutes there seemed to be nothing left to throw up and she came to rest.

"Uargh", she said the bowl making her voice sound reverberant, "I hate this part"

She rested over the seat as if afraid it could start again and Spencer put her hair back into place, tucking two strain locks behind her ears.

"Are you alright?", he asked finally, sitting beside her on the tiled floor.

"I guess", she replied, still looking forward, not at him as she pushed herself up and flushed the toilet.

"Sorry about that", she mumbled embarrassed, her hand covering her mouth as if to hinder the 'vomit-breath' from reaching Spencer.

"It's okay", he said reassuringly, "do you need anything? Can I get you anything?"

"Uh...my toothbrush would be heavenly", she said muffled through her hand-shield.

"Sure", he nodded, already half out the door when he turned around again.

"Do you think you are well enough to go out today?", he asked, fearing his plan to fail.

"Uh...yes, sure, this lasts only so long", she answered but tilted her head and pursed her lips, her way of asking him why.

"I thought we could go out, I...", he answered the wordlessly posed question, "I...have a little surprise, nothing huge just...a making-up-thing"

Her cheeks instantly went up to a smile.

"I love surprises"

Well, she was different from him in that case.

--

After she'd taken her while in the bathroom and afterwards eating a little ginger-bread with butter they left Spencer's apartment and stepped into the warm breeze of a summery July-day. Spencer wore his lightest cardigan on top of a chemise with short arms, although it was a bit too hot for a jacket. He just didn't like his arms free to the world for a reason he didn't fully get himself. Different from Harper, who'd put on a knee-long blueish summer-dress that looked somewhat vintage and left her whole arms revealed to the sunlight. She hopped down the stairs leading to the house entrance, joining him on the sidewalk and as she jumped towards him, her curls waving, bopping up and down, he was newly surprised by her beauty. It was classic, amaranthine, subtle beauty and without the haunted and worried look on her face, one could notice how she almost shone from inside, her cheeks of that ever-glowing rosy tone. If you saw her now you would never think that she'd thrown her guts up twenty-minutes before.

They would walk, his 'surprise' wasn't too far away, so they didn't need to take the subway or the bus.

They walked beside each other, Spencer in his Converse and Harper in sandals that flipped and flopped with every step, the sun shining down at them.

"So, what's my surprise?", she asked after a while.

"You'll see", he answered mystifyingly.

"You know you don't need to do that for me, I'm not mad at you for being mad at me", she said a little quieter, uncomfortable addressing their former issues, "you are the most generous person I've ever met and for all you've done for me the last few days...I couldn't be mad at you if you sold me for six camels"

"You sure, I'd get six for you?", he joked, trying to ease the mood and make her stop talking about how great he'd been when really he behaved like the biggest asshole walking the planet.

"You'd get at least six, if not more, I can cook and clean and sew...plus, I come as a double-package", she played along and he had to laugh.

They walked across a corner, still laughing, when the small shopping center came into view.

"Ah, there we are", Spencer announced and strode on that Harper had difficulties keeping time with him.

"You're taking me to the mall?", she said with fake enthusiasm, "oh, you shouldn't have"

He turned around and saw her pulling the typical 'You gave me a present I hate for Christmas and now I must pretend I like it'-face.

"Stop complaining", he said with equally as fake indignation, "that's not the surprise yet"

She smiled and happily linked arms with him when they entered the mall. Spencer felt a jolt having her so close, he wasn't used to that much body contact and she did it so naturally, just get close to him, it was shocking. He didn't want to upset her by turning her away but he still felt weary. When they reached the escalators up, he let her go and nudged her in front of him.

"It's going up", she asserted.

"Yes", he replied, "Close your eyes" She eyed him for a moment, considering and then shrugged and closed her eyes.

"Don't make me get stuck in the escalator with my flip-flops, that would be a pretty lame surprise", she said mockingly.

Spencer chuckled quietly and soon the end of the escalator came, he put one arm around her waist, lifting her up as much as he could manage and said "Step" to signal her to go over he border.

"Don't peek!", he warned as he saw her lids flatter a little.

"I'm not peeking", she said spiteful and he led her towards the place he intended to take her. She followed the soft pressure of his hand on her waist willingly and when he stopped at what he considered the perfect position, she turned her head back to him, her curls hitting his shoulders.

"Okay", he said, "you can open your eyes...now"

"Aw, Spencer", she squealed. They stood in front of a puffy pink and light blue store named 'Baby's Gadget'.

"I had the idea when you said you wouldn't be able to wear that Kermit shirt anymore, so...I figured...you could get some maternity clothes, maybe you even find another Kermit-shirt, it's all on me"

"Oh, now, you really shouldn't have", she said this time with honest happiness and jumped up in excitement, "let's go, let's go shopping"

He followed her inside, smiling because her enthusiasm made him.

The store wasn't too big but spacious enough to give you a little privacy when you were looking around and right now, Harper and him were the only customers. He'd passed this store so many times, walking to the bookstore a little further down in the mall but he had never ever thought he'd set foot into it. Now he was there and it all seemed surreal.

The only saleswoman in the store, a tall, slender woman in her fifties with poorly died hair looked up from her crossword-riddle and put on her best-selling smile.

"Welcome to Baby'sGadget, can I assist you?", she asked politely, leaving her place behind the reception-desk.

"Uh...we're looking for maternity clothes and maybe some jumpers", Harper said and although she stood with her back to Spencer, he could tell she was smiling from one ear to the other. Having this baby made her so happy. And his surprise made her happy, too, he thought smug.

"How far are you, if I may ask", the lady wanted to know, looking at Harpers belly that showed no sign of her state yet.

"Just at the beginning of third month", she replied jolly and instinctively, her hands found her stomach, stroking it gently.

"Would you like to put on our belly for trying on clothes?", the lady went on with her wide smile planted on her face.

Harper's face expressed Spencer's wonder perfectly, she looked puzzled, unsure what the lady was talking about.

"Wait a second", the lade said and went back to the receptions desk, returning after the blink of an eye with some weird half round thing. It looked like an egg, cut in half and had straps to it on top and on both sides.

"That's our strap-on-belly, it's about the average size for seventh to eighth month, it always helps picking clothes because you can actually see what they will look like later"

Spencer heard Harper give out a little squeak and the almost ripped the thing out of the ladies hands, holding it in front of her.

"Can you close the straps", she asked over her shoulder and Spencer did so, finding it a little peculiar. But when she turned around to him and saw her radiant face, he understood why she liked it so much. It made everything real because now it looked like there was really a baby.

She turned around again, walking towards a mirror and watched herself thoroughly.

"Can you believe I will look like this soon?", she asked Spencer amused who was again frozen in spot. This was really real. It was still too much to process, he discovered.

"Amazing", Harper muttered, still looking at herself, softly letting her hand trail around on the fake belly, completely consumed in it.

But then she turned around, one happy being and announced: "The shopping is officially on"

She started digging up shirts and pullovers, taking stuff from the pegs only to disappear in the cabin shortly after.

Spencer waited in front of her cabin each time so she could make a runway-walk. The things she chose were pretty, always a little romantic and frisky and often with a vintage touch. Spencer liked that a lot, it underlined her classical-face. She always came out, turning twice and threw him her questioning look. So far he hadn't liked three shirts and the other six had been just fine and slowly he started to worry if his wallet was deep enough for her expenses but she was so exited, it would be a shame to make her stop.

When she was on another look-out he heard her squeal once over from the other side of the store.

"Aw, Spence", she called across the distance.

"Did you find Kermit?", he asked.

"Way better", she declared and made her way back, "turn around, you're not supposed to see it yet"

He shrugged and did as she told him, granting her the fun. He heard her rustling and changing in the cabin and then removing the curtain again, stepping out.

"Okay, now, turn", she said.

"Isn't it just perfect?", she asked happily and he furrowed his brow but unable to stop the grin from spreading on his face.

Before him stood Harper, with an eight-month belly wearing a white shirt, fitting her like a glove that had in a speech-bubble, coming from the belly printed on it the words: "My daddy is a genius"

"That's a keeper", she said and kept it on as she started walking through the rows of baby stuff again.

"Hey, Spence", she called for him, "can you help me with the jumpers?"

Spencer nodded and went over to her as she stood in front of a desk with about twenty jumpers on display. It seemed funny that their child would be fitting in one of those when it was still so tiny and small, you couldn't even see it on Harpers body. She suddenly nudged him in the side.

"Hey, don't look so shocked, help me pick one"

"Uh...", that was all he could say.

Harper took a blue one into her hands and tested the material and then a pinkish one into the other, moving her hands up and down as if weighing them.

"What do you think it will be?", she asked, looking up to him, "boy or girl?"

"Statistically there are 105 boys born for every 100 girls and as the semen of the man determines the sex of the child, some people say the siblings of the father could be indicators, if he has only sisters, it is probable you'll have a daughter and if he has only brothers vice versa", Spencer shot, happy that he could answer this question with statistics, "but I don't believe in that theory, it's...really pure chance"

"You're an only child", Harper stated, ignorant to the last part, "no I will never know"

"Not for seven more months", he said, "or when you choose to have them tell you at ultrasound which will be possible from about the twenty-fifth week"

"You really do know everything, don't you?", Harper smiled.

"I remember everything I read, it sticks in my brain, I only..._recall_...I don't _know_"

"That's the same thing", Harper smirked, "now, I think we can't do anything wrong with white, now can we? And green, I like green, what's your take one green?"

About five minutes later she postponed the final decision because she had an idea.

"This thing is really heavy", she started, "I think you should give it a try"

"What?", Spencer didn't get what she was saying.

"You should try on the belly, to be able to put yourself in my position", she said, smiling evilly.

"Oh no, no, no, no...I'm not putting this on", Spencer almost ran away from her, taking three steps back and putting his hands up in defense. Never in hell, he would.

"Please, Spencer", she pleaded with her puppy-eyes, "just so you'll know how I feel, come on, please...just hold it, you don't need to wear it, please?"

"No", he shook his head frantically but Harper was already untying the straps and pulling it from under the 'Genius'-t-shirt.

"No no no", Spencer squealed when she came towards him, lunging further into the store but she eventually had him cornered. When she stood before him they were both smiling, Spencer a little out of breath.

"Come on, just once, just for fun", she said again.

"You won't let this go, will you?", he asked giving up.

"Nah", she shook her head and grinned satisfied and like a scarecrow, Spencer held out his arms as she put the thing on him and busted out laughing almost immediately.

"You have to see this, it's priceless", she snorted between laughs and pulled him by the arm to a nearby mirror. He looked...well...he looked like a pregnant man. But because he was so slender and his whole body so narrow, the belly looked so huge on him as if it was a giant parasite sucking out his life.

"I have to preserve this for posterity", Harper chuckled, pulling out her cell.

"No", he protested, but she still held him in place.

"Smile for the camera", she commanded and pushed the button catching her bright grin and his tortured expression looking like a science-sensation.

--

They left the store half an hour later without the strap-on-belly (gladly) but with seven maternity-shirts and pullovers, a set of pants that had stretch fabric at the top to adjust to the size of the belly and three little jumpers, two white, one green and Harper was so happy, every one they passed on the street on the way home was smiling back at her.


	7. Persuasive

**Author's Note:** Steamy enough? Or should I go over it again and make it even hotter? Tell me!

_The Lambada_ on You Tube: .com/watch?v=5AfTl5Vg73A –listen to that when you read the last part.

**9 Months**

**Chapter Seven**

**Persuasive**

-Month Three, Week Three-

"A pervasive and excessive need to be taken care of that leads to submissive and clinging behavior and fears of separation, beginning by early adulthood", said Spencer, sitting cross-legged on one of his armchairs, stretching his arms.

"Uh...", Harper was half-lying on the couch and scratching her head, her eyes focused on the ceiling as she was thinking hard, "...what's a...what's a...a Dependent personality disorder?"

"Correct", Spencer acknowledged and Harper made a victory-fist.

"Can we stop now?", she asked and looked at him like a kid asking her father for permission to go to a party.

"If you think you're well enough prepared for you last exam", Spencer shrugged and shot her a challenging look, "after all this is about your degree"

"We've been playing mental disorder-jeopardy for two hours now, I think I'm well enough drilled now", she answered with a hint of spite in her voice, as if she was going to stick her tongue out to him, "please?"

"Hey, I can't decide that for you, if you're ready you're ready", he sat up, "but I do think that endless repetition stops being helpful at some point" He gave just a hint of a wink but she'd got it anyway.

"Thank you", she smirked, "and thanks for learning with me"

Spencer didn't mind, it wasn't like her presence caused him angry outburst or irregular behavior anymore, somewhere during the last two weeks he'd really started to appreciate her company. He'd always lived alone, since his mother had been hospitalized when he was eighteen (not that he hadn't been practically autonomous before), so he'd never learned how it felt when you had someone waiting for you at home that you wouldn't have to fear to have an episode of any kind. Now she was there nearly every day when he got home from work and as she'd promised, always with dinner ready. He must've put a good one and a half pounds on and she'd always look at him and say: "Much better"

It almost felt like a real family, it was nice, a nice thing and she was trying hard to be an easy room-mate, always cleaning up after herself, putting everything back to its place when she used it and she always worked to keep the light mood, talked a lot about funny things at uni, initiated lame-jokes-competitions that Spencer always won and distracted him from his sometimes distressing job. Although he hadn't been away for a case since she'd moved in with him, they'd had a case in Washington that had been rather gross. But as soon as he entered his apartment and saw her, almost always with a spoon in hand with her head on top of the jars and pots, he left the darkness behind and sank into this weird unknown world she'd made his private life.

He also found he was making progress of getting to know her, the real her, not the treacherous brat he'd wrongly thought her to be. For example, he found out that she was incredibly clumsy and always ranted at herself about it. Once she'd tripped over her own feet and broke an old vase that Spencer had always liked because it was rather old and had Dr. Ahab and Moby Dick painted on it.

She both apologized and hated on herself for about half an hour. An other time she'd been cooking and splashed boiling water over her hand, causing her a nasty bleb she constantly whined about but not in an annoying way, more so that it made Spencer laugh. Also, she was completely immersed when she was reading, if you called her across the room, she wouldn't look up because she wouldn't even have registered that you'd even spoken. And, every second she wasn't reading or talking, she was humming or singing a song stuck in her head and she knew about every song by heart, no matter if it was top forties or old children songs, Elvis, Genesis, she knew them all.

When Spencer woke up the next morning, he heard her singing from the living room, some old song, he knew that one..."You are my sunshine, my only sunshine" He smiled even before he'd opened his eyes. She was such a joyous person, there was rarely ever anything that could stop her from smiling, except when she had one of her 'hormone-attacks', how she liked to call it, when they were watching a sad movie or she was reading a sad book or sometimes just randomly started to cry. "The baby does that", she said.

He got up when she repeated the chorus for about the sixth time, it seemed to be her favorite part and she lingered on every single syllable, making it sound very jazzy.

When he stepped into the living room she greeted him with the verse: "Smilers never loose and frowners never win" grinning widely to underline it.

"You're funny", he stated when she handed him a plate with pancakes.

"I know", she smirked, "eat up, I have plans for today"

"What plans?", he said with a full mouth from his first bite.

"The public swimming pool", she declared, "I haven't been swimming in a decade"

"Uh...well, have fun then", Spencer tried but she wasn't going to have it as he'd predicted.

"You're coming with me", she said as if it was a statement and not a plea.

"I don't think so", he insisted.

From the look on her face he could tell that she was not going to let it go, she was persistent and stubborn and had a long breath.

"Why?", but now that question threw him of track and he stuttered again when she tilted her red head as always when she was curious. He'd expected her to go on saying 'please, please, please' with her puppy eyes that she knew to use perfectly,always toying with her naïve impression and her child-like round and rosy cheeks bringing out the protective instinct in Spencer all too naturally and blinking with her long lashes the way the Lolitas in the High School-Chick Flicks did, she sometimes made him watch.

"Uh...I...well", it was embarrassing, he wouldn't tell her, "I don't like people seeing me half naked"

"Liar", she said after a short frown, "your left eye twitched and when your left eye twitches, you''re lying, I've noticed...so...tell me the truth, why don't you want to join me at the swimming pool today? You don't have work and it's warm, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and I am still adorable-looking in a bikini, that won't stay like this forever, as we're well aware...come on, Spence, this is the perfect day"

"No really", he said, his voice gaining a slightly suffering note as he imagined her in a bikini and his brain unfortunately chose to replay another memory-shred of their night together, "I can't"

"Of course you can, it's easy, you get dressed, we take the subway, we pay three dollars and on we go", she shook her shoulders a bit, like dancing and spoke on with a baby-voice, "splishy, splashy"

"Harper; I can't", he whined, why couldn't she just let it go?

She pulled her lips together, so they formed a thin line of disapproval and she pierced him down again, nailed him at the pot with her green-brown eyes and waited for him to tell her the truth. He sighed.

"I can't swim", he finally admitted, painfully aware that he was blushing. He'd never bothered to properly learn it, also because as a child he'd other interests.

Harper fell silent for a moment, again checking his face for signs of lying and as she didn't find any she took a deep breath and looked at him distinctively.

"Then it's time you learned it", she would never stop until she got what she wanted, "come one, finish your pancakes and then we roll"

"I don't even have trunks", he complained.

"I have some for wake-boarding, you can have them...I guess they'll fit, with your hips...they're almost narrower than mine", she chuckled and then turned around to her room, her curls bumping up and down. This woman...

–

About an hour later they stood in the cue for the nearest public-open-air-swimming pool and Harper was happy as ever, paying both their tickets and leading him across the open field to her favorite spot; a half sun-half shadowy place underneath a grand oak tree. She put the picnic-blanket she'd brought to his apartment (Spencer didn't own such a thing because he never picnicked) widely on the ground and a second later stood before him without her white light summer-dress that she'd let carelessly dropped on the floor. He couldn't help but take her in, it was a reflex and he did his best to keep his jaw from dropping the way she stood there in her green bikini, revealing only so much you needed to have your mind blooming (how on earth did a girl like that ever end up in bed with him?) and there, very subtle, the way you wouldn't see if you didn't know, was a little bulk right beneath her navel. His eyes lingered there, on his child and from the corner of his eye he saw the corners of her mouth going up.

"Now, you go", she said suddenly, "so _I_ can check _you_ out for once" What was this flirty tone about? Didn't she know that flirting didn't worked with him? He was unskilled, it always just threw him off track.

"Uh...I don't know", he stumbled. He wore the trunks under his pants, all he needed to do was unbutton them and take his light pullover off but something held him back. It felt like everyone was starring at him, just like back at High School. And then, as if she'd read his thoughts, she said: "No one's watching...but me", she added with a smirk.

Spencer closed his eyes, channeled all his will power and took a deep breath. What would she take him for if he didn't dare to do it? He didn't want to know so he slowly pulled his shirt over his head, revealing his ever so pale, naturally unhaired chest, that looked more like that of a twelve year old girl than a twenty-seven year old man. He was glad his pullover was stuck for a moment or two on his head to hide his blushing.

The pants were down quicker and when he stood there, stripped down to his trunks he felt as uncomfortable as anyone would that had just once in his life been that exposed to society.

"I really don't see why you worry", Harper said, looking at him up and down so his ears suddenly got really hot, "now, let's teach the genius how to swim"

She turned carelessly away from her basket with their wallets and the leftovers of the breakfast-pancakes and ran down the little hill to the pool. Spencer only retreated so involuntarily.

"What's with our stuff?", he asked her and across the distance he saw her turn and shake her head as if he'd just said something really ridiculous.

"People don't steal around here", and walked on.

She awaited him in the pool, at the end where the water was low for the kids. She stood in waist-high water and waved at him to join her. Reluctantly, he strode into the water, trying not to think of the statistics on public-pool-contamination.

One in twelve public swimming pools was contaminated with parasites that caused infections that could give you diarrhea, skin rashes, ear infections and/or upper respiratory infections. This illness often occurred when swimmers submerge their heads underwater or if they swallow water that is contaminated.

"Don't look so disgusted", Harper commanded when he reached her, "the water's not going to give you HIV"

"I should hope so", he said, frowning his brow.

"Okay, so,lesson number one", she started straight away, making him lay flat on the water, she put one hand under his stomach to hold him in place, the water cooling none of the flames she caused with her touch.

He worried that he was too heavy for her, despite the fact that water lightened every body but she just said: "You're not much heavier than me and soon, you won't be at all" She looked down at herself and smiled.

"Now, paddle with your arms and put your feet like a frog, yeah, frog-legs...no, it's great this way, now kick...ah...almost...yes, just like that, now...now both together, hands paddle, legs kick, good, you're doing good, see it's not that hard"

She commented every single move he made, always encouraging like a mother teaching her child to drive the bicycle without training wheels. The movements were somewhat easy but the feeling was weird, he was light but still every strain in his body was working. He concentrated on moving all his limbs at the same time and he only noticed when he almost hit someone else that he'd been moving. Harper had let him go, now he'd almost crashed into someone and was startled. He lost his concentration and paddled frantically, for a long moment sincerely panicked before he remembered he was in low height and his feet touched the ground, he turned around to snap at Harper for letting him go but when he saw her his anger ceased. She looked like a proud Mom and clapped, the widest grin on her face. He waded back to her and she patted his elbow.

"Great job!", she applauded, "see, you swam, after half an hour of training...I told you there's nothing you couldn't do"

She held her hand out for a high five, a pathetic little children thing to do but she did it quiet often and he'd gotten used to it and clapped his hand against hers.

"I think you should buy your swimming instructor a big old Popsicle now", she smirked and linked arms with him, pulling him out of the water.

The sun was beaming and there wasn't a cloud on the sky, when they sat down on a bench next to the little ice-bar, the drops on her skin reflected the light, making her pale skin shine as if it was covered in diamonds and her curls, which had remained fairly dry in the pool shone even more brightly.

She enjoyed her ice thoroughly, saying 'yummy' every couple seconds. Spencer had ditched out on the ice, not trusting the kiosks refrigerator-system. It didn't seem to bother her.

"Ahhh", she suddenly squealed after she'd finished her ice.

"What's wrong?", he'd turned around to her so rapidly, his head spun but then he saw that her scream wasn't due to sudden pain but sudden glee.

"It's the Lambada", she immediately started waving her body with the rhythm coming from the PA system of the kiosk.

"Come on, let's dance", she ordered and he just sat planted, looking up at her -she'd already gotten to her feet, overly exited- like she was crazy.

"Stand up", she ordered, being as bossy with him as he'd been with her before.

He shook his head, "I don't dance"

"Today you do", and with that she pulled him up to her feet and a bit away from the bench.

"I can't dance", he said again, desperately. How could she be so damned persuasive?

"It's simple...just", she took his big hands into her little ones and placed one on her waist and kept the other one up, wined in hers.

"Come closer", she commanded but he didn't move an inch, "closer!"

She sighed as he, again, didn't move a limb, looking like he was forced to watch Hotch making out with Morgan and she let go of his hand in the air and then, in a moment that immediately took out all air from Spencer's lungs, put both her hands on his hips and pulled him close so there was no room between them.

"The Lambada's a close dance", she stated with a grin, so close to him that the tip of her nose almost touched his chin. He could feel her breath on his still wet neck, making him shiver.

She took his hand back and started shaking her hips against him ever so softly.

"Use your hips", she smiled.

"I don't have hips", he whined desperately.

"Yes you do, see", she moved her pelvis even closer to his – not good, not good at all, "now just lift one leg slightly up from the ground at a time, like me, don't worry, I lead"

They were moving in unison before Spencer even knew. He didn't want to know how stupid he must've looked but she was so happy, he did her the favor.

The rhythm grew faster and her scent was filling his nostrils, her skin was radiating heat and everywhere her body bumped against his it felt as if little fireworks were setting off.

How was he going to deal with her? She would drive him nuts eventually. He wondered what consequences his sudden physical desire for her would have and his rational mind told him to let her go but he couldn't, they just kept turning and swaying to the summery song.


	8. An Announcement To Make

**9 Months **

**Chapter Eight**

**An Announcement To Make**

-Month Three, Week Three-

Whistling the Lambada, Spencer Reid entered the BAU headquarters and noticed a second too late that Morgan had already set eyes on him.

"Hey kid", he called him from his desk, looking more than suspicious, "can we have a word?"

Spencer felt the weird sensation of a heavy deja vu. When he first came to the bureau after the baby-shopping, when he didn't hate Harper anymore, Morgan had seen it immediately and put him in the crossfire.

"Why are you so...jolly?", he'd asked, furrowing his brow in view of Spencer's eased features that had only been tense the days before, "Aren't you supposed to be all miserable with that girl in your house?"

Spencer's face was crossed with a sort of guilty expression, remembering how hateful Morgan had glanced at her these couple of days before, when everything had been different. He didn't want Morgan to think bad of her, because he'd been an idiot about the whole thing.

"Actually, it turned out I was pretty wrong about her", he said, keeping his voice down, so no one would over-hear their hushed conversation, "she had no idea what they were planning to do to me"

"That's what she told you", Morgan said, not convinced.

"Yes and I believe her, she has no reason to lie to me", he said firmly.

"Except the child", he said spiteful. Spencer didn't like the he talked about her.

"No, because she already got everything she could've wanted, I promised to support her and to let her stay with me before I even knew"

Morgans features softened ever so slowly and he considered for a moment.

"So what now?", he asked.

"We're trying to be friends", he replied sheepishly and was granted with a skeptic look and a grin that one you could easily call mischievous.

"Friends...uh uh", he said and smiled in the most Morgan-ish way.

Now he came up to him the same way he did that day.

"What happened?", he asked, "you're whistling...you're_ never_ whistling, tell me, what is up with you and that girl? It is because of her I can smell it"

Spencer cringed, why was he all up in his business? There was nothing _up _with Harper, as Morgan should be aware. If he had looked at her right he would know that a girl like her would never fall in love with a nerd like him.

"Nothing is going on with her", he said, looking at the ceiling, "can't I just be happy?"

"Sure you can, but not like that, it's unlike you", Morgan said stubbornly and Spencer only sighed in reply.

"And", Morgan raised an eyebrow challengingly, "you've been putting off telling the team about it for far too long now, if you won't tell them soon, I will"

The threat to his voice was clearly audible and Spencer's pleading and protesting look didn't do anything to change it. His friend was serious and Spencer also knew that he was right but he wasn't sure if he could tell them yet. He dreaded to see their reactions, not so much the surprise that it happened so sudden, but the the surprise, that _he_ of all people, the one that never even dated was all of the sudden having a family.

"I will tell them some time", he wound on the spot, like a fish on a hook.

"I think you should tell them now", Morgan seemed like a husky animal now, cornering him and Spencer's heart started thumping, he couldn't make him do it now...or could he?

"Wha- no, Morgan", his voice was barely a whisper, almost begging, "please"

"Hey kid, I don't mean to mess with you", he said, his face becoming more soft, "but if you don't do it soon, you'll put it off forever, Hotch needs to know and he needs to know soon"

Spencer was so uneasy it almost hurt, it was like going to the dentist, only that you were tied to the chair and the dental drill was coming closer and closer and you couldn't run and had no anesthetization.

"Gentlemen, we have a case", Hotch's voice coming from a far corner ended their conversation but as Spencer, glad as seldom before to have a case up, could walk to the briefing room was held back by Morgan on the elbow.

He didn't say anything, he just looked at him fiercely, nodding. He wanted him to do it now. He would do it, if Spence refrained. Spencer was dead beat and helpless. His steps couldn't take time with his running heartbeat, frantically thumping from nervousness and dislike as they walked towards the room.

Inside already sat JJ and Emily and behind them came Rossi and Penelope; the team was complete. As everyone was seated, Spencer thought he was rushing to a heart attack and Morgan still glared at him with that pushy look. He knew his friend only meant well but it didn't feel much like it at the moment.

Emily and JJ were exchanging a few brief words about Henry as much as Spencer could catch, they would be most surprised, he thought.

Emily because she generally secretly thought he would never ever get a girlfriend, not because she didn't like him only because it was so unlike, it seemed logical to her. She'd never said it aloud but he knew anyway. She never asked him about it like the others did sometimes because she already knew his answer. She _thought_. With a glimpse of triumph Spencer was almost eager to tell her, to prove her wrong, only to admit to himself a second later that nothing had really changed in the girlfriend-department. Harper was not his girlfriend and she would never be. She was his baby mother but still a girl so far out of his league, she might've been living on an entirely different planet...or solar system even, another galaxy.

JJ would be...shocked. Their one and only date, back in the days had been disastrous, he'd talked all the time, mostly stupid stuff, statistics and all that jazz and on top of it told all the lamest jokes he could think of and always laughed about them alone with JJ only paying him poorly-hid pitiful looks. It was sure that she didn't dislike him but he and her...they would never have been anything more than friends. Now he was absolutely fine with that but when he realized it as it happened, he was a little crushed. Not surprised, just sad. So JJ knew how miserable he was at dating and flirting and, to be frank, even at simple conversation. He could already see both their jaws dropping in disbelief.

Hotch standing up from his chair, a file in hand, broke Spencer's trail of thoughts and he automatically caught Morgans eyes and threw him another pleading look.

Morgan only shook his head, took a beat and cut off Hotch's taking breath to speak to the team.

"Hotch", he said, "there's something important before you start"

Hotch reacted typically, first a disapproving look for being interrupted, than a questioning look at Morgan to ask what it was about and then a slight nod, meaning 'Go ahead then'

The team-mates all looked at Morgan but he simply shook his head, eyes focused on Spencer, making all their heads turn to him.

Suddenly he felt very hot and his tie was way way too tight, he reflexively pulled it open a little and the wonder on the heads facing him grew. He cleared his throat loudly and without thinking, stood up. Apparently some part of him thought it was appropriate to stand when making his 'announcement'. ...'Announcement' was a good word to use, he thought. Penelope wobbled her head, a manner of demanding clearance of the situation.

"Uh", he started out weakly and looked for a fix point on the wall to focus on, he wouldn't be able to continue talking if he actually looked at them.

"I...uh...I sort of have...uh", _stop stuttering_, "have an...uh...announcement to...uh...make"

"You're gay", shot Emily and Spencer immediately lost control his features.

"No, I'm not", he objected, but his voice breaking, making him sound like a little girl didn't help much to underline his statement, "I'm not gay"

How could she even think that? She was a profiler for gods sake.

"Sorry", she said immediately and really looked sorry, too, "I just thought...ah...never mind, sorry, I mean, it wouldn't be a problem if you were-", he threw her a look to shut her up, "no, right, sorry, just forget that I said anything"

His throat was completely dry, how could be go on like that? Did he really seem gay to them? He'd never had a problem with homosexuals, nothing like that, but there was a faint fear deep inside of him, if Harper might wonder about him being gay, too.

"Uh", he wanted to die, he wanted the floor to swallow him hole and never release him, "no, it's quiet...different"

They all looked at him in complete irritation, all except of Morgan who had, from Emily's remark on, tried to suppress his grin. Not well enough, obviously.

"I am...", now or never, "living with a woman and we are having a baby on the way"

_Boom_.

In all five faces little bombs exploded and as predicted JJ's and Emily's mouths fell open, Hotch looked like he'd been hit by a car and Rossi seemed weirdly amused. Penelope's expression was priceless though, she looked like a kid that walked in on her parents getting it on.

"OMG", she whispered and that was for a long while anyone could say. He could've might as well have declared that he was going to quit his job to go rear oranges in Spain.

"It's Harper, isn't it?", said Emily now. She who had one minute before estimated he didn't even like girls at all.

They just looked at each other for a heartbeat and then he nodded faintly.

"Who's Harper?", shot JJ and suddenly looked more curious than utterly shocked.

"A girl he met at a bar, when we had a drink after work", Garcia answered her question and added, towards Spencer, "so this is going on for a while"

Spencer looked frantically over to Morgan, hoping he would get that he needed rescue from the chattering women, that looked just like they were about to start to bomb him with indiscreet question.

"Okay, we don't need to discuss this now", but it was Hotch, who had retained his usual unreadable expression, that came to his rescue, "Reid, we're going to talk about this later at the plane"

And on the next breath started to brief the case with no further comments, the whole time through, Spencer, who stared solely at his boss had the constant feeling that he was the only one doing so, with all other five pairs of eyes – all but Morgan's – locked on him.

"Now who would have thought...", JJ said pulling him aside just after the briefing was over, Penelope and Emily retreated unwillingly only to start talking to each other in low voices but without fail excited. He wondered what they'd say about him.

"I know", he mumbled, "it...was...unintentionally but..."

"You don't have to defend yourself", she smiled and patted his arm, "its...actually a wonderful thing, we're all just so surprised because it's a little-"

"-sudden?", he completed her sentence and smiled a weak smile up at her.

"Yes, Spence, it's not like we think you would never have a family", she said, eager to set things right, "but...well, we didn't even know, _I _didn't know that you were even dating" Was he mistaken or was there a hurt note to her voice?

"That's the thing...sort of", he said, "we are...not...I mean, we're not dating"

She looked puzzled.

"But she lives with you, you said", she demanded.

"Yes, because she has no other place to go but that doesn't mean we are...it...it was...a one-night-stand"

She looked at him for a moment and then gave him a funny look, sort of a mixture of surprise and a little frustration and funny enough, a slight touch of amusement. And then she hit him on his shoulder.

"Why didn't you tell me?", she asked as if it was the most outrageous thing he hadn't. Now he also know why she appeared to be so hurt, she thought he didn't trust her.

"I...I'm sorry...I was...sort of...uncomfortable about it when it happened", he admitted, hoping she would see that _she_ hadn't been the reason he didn't confide in her.

"I want to meet the girl", she said, "I want to see if she's good for you"

"We're not dating", he reminded her.

"She's having your baby", she pointed out the obvious, "so there must be potential"

He looked skeptical.

"And I also must make sure to teach her some mother-things", she said, "it's her first, I guess?"

Spencer nodded, not really knowing what she was saying.

"How far is she?"

"End of third Month", again the slight annoyance crossed her features, she didn't like how he kept that much of a secret from her for that long. They were supposed to be friends and she hadn't expected him to not tell her about something so important, he figured.

"So we have some time for schooling left", she said, her voice not showing her little disappointment, "after all, she'll be handling Baby Reid"

Now she smiled and looked a lot more like the JJ he knew.

"Congratulations", she finally said, "You know, it's really the most beautiful thing, challenging, but absolutely wonderful...when the baby's there, it will be...simply amazing"

And with that she left him to his thoughts.


	9. Screwed Up

**Author's Note:** Thank you all for your comments and putting me on alerts, it makes me go on. I wanted to note that, of course, there are errors in my text, I don't want to apologize, because I know they get really annoying and stop the reading flow, but sometimes I write fairly quick, to keep the chapters coming and don't go over it thoroughly enough and forget words or put a "he" where a "she" should be and sometimes I use the wrong words etc. etc. and I will try to go over the last chapters to correct the mistakes but I won't find them all, so, please tell me when I get things horribly wrong, like Arugula Pacioli did (Thank You!), it helps me a lot as I'm not writing in my mother tongue and naturally mess up sometimes. I still hope you enjoy the story never the less.

Oh and I also wanted to give a shout out to Sue1313 because she so kindly reviews every chapter, that's really wonderful! Thank you so much for dedicating your time to compose these reviews, they always make me really happy. And so do all the other reviews, I can only say it again, thank you! Thank you, thank you!

Well...enough said, I guess, on with the story...:)

P.S.: Somewhere in the text there'll be a notion of the number Pi, unfortunatley won't let me put the intented number in for whatever reasons, so you'll just have to google Pi and imagine how many decimal places Spencer could know by heart and put the numbers there behind the '3.-' ...sorry about that but it's not my fault this time ^^

**9 Months**

**Chapter Nine**

**Screwed Up**

-Month Three, Week Three-

Spencer practically ran through the office, pretending not to hear both Emily and Garcia calling for him, he really didn't want to talk to them about it now. He was sure that they would pose the most obnoxious questions, probably mainly about the event of conception and if they were still "getting it on", he wouldn't have that now.

"Reid?!", he heard Emily call, little frustration mingled in her voice, he bet they were so curious it caused them physical pain getting no answer. For things like that, things of such astonishing shock-potential, rarely ever happened within the team, Spencer's announcement had started a wave of buzz through the office and he could feel an ocean of eyes on his back.

"Sorry, I've got to get my go-bag", he said, only turning his head, not stopping his lunged steps, shrugging apologetically and a minute after was out and away from their glances.

It was rather relieving when he stood at the bus station, knowing that no one gave a shit about him and all the way back to Washington he enjoyed the anonymity and the complete ignorance of the other people on the vehicle. He was well aware that it would be about the last time in at least two or three days that he wouldn't be the target of hidden glares and private-life-invading questions.

Back at the apartment he was at first really surprised to not find Harper walking around the kitchen until he remembered that she was at uni, writing her final exam. They'd talked about it at breakfast but the sudden force (naming Derek Morgan) that made him come clean about the severe changes in his life had started an emotional rollercoaster that temporarily wiped everything else from his genius mind. She must be still writing the test, poor Harper, she'd been a string of nerves this morning. Spencer knew how important it was for her, she'd always wanted to be a psychologist and she'd already failed one exam, so this was her second try and it was of utmost importance to her that she succeeded this time, not only for her ego's sake but also because she started questioning if she was really right for the job and, being her, having never had another dream, an other alternative, that was a shattering fear. She didn't articulate her fear quite like that but it shone through every thing she'd said and done this morning, spilling her coffee over her jeans, then, while changing into another pair, tripping and falling to her bottom. When Spencer hurried to see if she was alright, after hearing the somewhat loud 'buff' coming from his study, he saw her sitting on the floor, her legs spread in an forty-five-degree angle, with her hands hanging to the floor between her legs. She looked like a little kid that played with Lego before but lost the motivation and her expression was something between devastation and amusement, like the way when you hurt yourself at some weird spot, for example your elbow, and it both feels like laughing and crying at the same time and your brain is so confused by these two colliding desires, you just kind of start sob-chuckling. Her expression was just like that when she looked up to him, standing in the doorstep.

"I'm a damn mess, Spencer", she sighed.

"Yes, you are", he said softly, "but you'll do just fine today, believe me. All you gotta do is remember all we've talked about, you've got it all in your head, see, our conscious mind can process 16 bits of information per second, our unconscious however can process 11 million. This means you know everything we learned, you just have to revive it"

"I'm not you, Spence", she sighed and bowed her head.

"Oh, come on", he said and reached out his hand for her, he hated it when she was like this...not smiling, not...positive...un...unhappy. It was like a part of him was set in darkness each time the smile faded from her face, like it was the source of light, her smile, and when it went away, so did the light inside of him. That was an alarming thing to feel, Spencer thought when she took his hand and lifted herself up from the ground. He wouldn't think about it anymore, he would just wait 'till it disappeared. And it would disappear...hopefully. It was never helpful if your mood depended on somebody else's, it numbed your senses, crippled your rationality and made you do dangerous things. Above all, it was something Spencer hadn't felt since his mother was hospitalized and he didn't miss it. This feeling, looking at a person, and knowing exactly what she felt because, simply from the expression on her face, you felt the exact same thing.

_As defined by the Oxford English Dictionary, Empathy is "the power of projecting one's personality into (and so fully comprehending) the object of contemplation" . In plainer terms, empathy can be thought of as the ability to experience the experiences of someone else. The argument for mirror neurons role in empathy is quite simple: when we perceive an action or emotion of another person, a number of neurons that would become active should we ourselves be conducting that action or expressing that feeling begin to fire. Thus, we simulate the actions and emotions of those we observe. _

Just like that, he thought, it was all chemic reactions but the problem was that it didn't feel that simple and it made him uncomfortable. He didn't even properly understand why, because after all it was a good thing to worry about Harper, especially in the state she was, it was just right to be as attached to her as possible, it was a natural protection-instinct, designed to keep the family together but with that empathy of his kicking in, this invisible bond that had started winding around him and her, it wasn't only making him protective of her, it made him protecting himself as well, because when she was sad, he would be sad, too and that needed prevention. And for Spencer, that meant maybe the biggest change of all yet. It meant that he was not on his own anymore. That was another revelation of the many lately, and it scared him beyond reason. Even with her moving in, even with her having his baby, Spencer had still been somewhat alone, independent, now he wasn't anymore. He was not alone. And he wondered why that was seemed such a scary thing to him.

A soft squeeze of Harpers hand, which was still entwined in his, made his thoughts stop.

"Hey, wake up", she said, "attention back to me, I'm freaking out here, remember?"

And there it was again, the Harper-smile, the dimples showing, her delicate lips going up at the edges and the light was back inside that little place somewhere, unlocatable, in Spencer's chest.

Without having planned it, sort of reflexively, he squeezed her hand back.

"You'll be fine", he repeated, "just imagine I was right there with you, whispering the answers"

"I really wish you were", she said, pursing her lips, "ah, I gotta go"

"Good luck", Spencer said sincerely and wondered why she hadn't let go of his hand yet just before she did let go. He made a fist just to check and – of course – his palm was all sweaty.

_Pathetic as always, Spencer._

She tilted her head again in her Harper-way when she saw him going into his mind again, nudging his elbow slightly with hers.

"Any more advice?", she said to get him back to reality.

"Uh...each time you feel like you're freaking out again, count to ten and think of the Lambada"

He heard her chuckle for the hint of a second and then he heard nothing anymore but all his blood rushing through his head, thumping behind his ears as she'd flung herself around him, locking him an a tight hug.

His arms hang wobbling in the air, unsure if to hug her back or not but then they found their way around her body independently and he patted her back lightly.

"Thank you", she said and he could feel her features going up into a smile against his chest, where her face lay. Her ears must've bursted with the sound of his racing heart. Trying frantically to get enough blood up to his brain to make it function again. If she didn't remember the Lambada by now, he certainly did.

That's why, from the second she left the house, he was whistling the tune, with the bittersweet sensation of fear mixed with happiness to something he'd not felt for a long time. Something was definitively happening to him and he was pretty sure that it meant trouble.

Now, he stood in the empty living room, captivated by his own memory. He needed to hurry back to the BAU but he wasn't moving. He needed to stop the motions, he needed to keep himself from being so dumb. If he would...if it happened, life would be atrocious, he would start stuttering again, stumbling over his own words, he would get clumsy, maybe even clumsier than her (if that was possible) and every waking second he'd be strain, insecure, full of inhibitions, full of his darn shyness that he'd thought overcome a while ago. But sure, he wasn't shy around beautiful women any more but Harper...if she was only just beautiful, he wouldn't have to fear the loss of control over his life and mind. He had to put an end to it. He couldn't allow himself to...to fall...no, he couldn't even think it. It would make it far to real. As long as it was this suffocated threatening whisper inside his head, it was alarming but at least it wasn't _real_. For the sake of his sanity and his dignity it just needn't be real, couldn't be real. Not only would it replace grown-up Spencer with a pathetic stuttering-teenage-version, it would also only cause him pain. Whatever...feelings...('feelings' was already a dangerous term to think but it was safer than the L-word) were for her or were threatened to become, she would never return them. How could she? A girl like her would never...

_Stop it_, he ordered and forced himself to get his go bag from his room, the more he thought about it, the worse it would get.

He couldn't allow himself to make it a fixed idea, a craze, he needed to keep it buried so deep, it could never reach the surface. He needed to suppress it. He needed to think of other things.

_The tip of a 1/3 inch long hour-hand on a wristwatch travels at 0.00000275 mph_

_The universe contains 104 chemicals, a glass of New Jersey tab-water contains 98._

_Tom Cruise owns 7.000.000 m² of the moon. _

_Expensive Placebos work better than cheap ones._

_Charlie Chaplin attended a "Charlie Chaplin-look-a-like-contest" in Monaco, he made it third place._

_Some of the images of the universe in Star Trek were captured by the Hubble-telescope and used for the series._

_In Germany, it's by a law prohibited to march lock-step across a bridge._

_A town in Canada is called 'Saint-Louis-du-Ha! Ha!'._

_Until the 1950s suicide could be punished with death penalty in England._

_In Waterloo, Nebraska, hairdressers are not allowed to yell at their customers between 7 am and 7 pm._

He would need to gain as much useless knowledge as possible, if he wanted to keep his brain occupied. He was still recalling other irrelevant facts as another thought pushed through to his conscience.

Harper would be alone in his apartment for at least two days, Harper who managed to trip over chairs she'd a second before sat on. There it was again, the worrying.

Spencer took out his phone and dialed her number and as expected, he only reached her voice-mail.

"Hey, you've reached Harper, or...well, not really, I guess, since I can't speak to you directly right now, uh, well, you know how to do this, I'll get back to you when I can", it sounded tinny from the loudspeaker and Spencer couldn't help but to laugh.

"Hey Harper", he said after the 'beep', "I...uh...I guess you're still writing your exam, I know it's bad timing but we just got a case-call, so...we can't drink to your success tonight, I will be away for at least two days, I can't really tell you when exactly I get back, it depends on the case, uh, well, I'll call you as soon as I know. Be safe, both of you, and...try not to burn the house down...uh...you can...of course call me back...if you...uh...if you want to, bye"

He hung up and hammered his phone against his forehead. The stuttering had already started and he'd only been talking to a machine. This was getting out of hand. The case couldn't come more convenient, apart from the fact that it meant leaving Harper to herself and her clumsy motor skills. He hoped it to be that of a tricky one he couldn't even think about that frightening fact at all.

Making his way back to the BAU he kept his mind busy by recalling the decimal places of Pi and when he got to the runway, where the plane was ready to go, he'd reached: 3.-

"Reid", Hotch called behind him as he walked towards the plane, Spencer turned and waited for his boss to catch up with him and wrinkled his forehead in expectancy of a stern lecture.

"Since when have you known about the pregnancy?", he went straight to the core.

"She told me about a month ago", Spencer answered dutifully.

"And you decided to keep it", it was more a statement than a question and Spencer wondered why he pointed it out.

"That was never in question", he said, his voice suddenly with a hint of hostility, what was his boss implying?

Hotch caught his ever so slight change in voice and hurried to set the record straight.

"I'm just asking, Reid, it's not easy to have a child in our job", he said, "I'm not saying you made the wrong decision, I just wanted to know if you made it thoughtful"

Spencer paused his walk and pursed his lips.

"I earn enough and Harper is set in Washington, she's not traveling, she will always be there with the child" - _after she moved out on me_, he thought bitter to himself.

"Well, as I said, I trust your judgment, you don't need to explain yourself", Hotch said and started to walk toward the plane again, with Spencer keeping pace, "we still need to make adjustments to the new situation, there will be a change to your insurance, we need to talk about the baby-break and all that and you'll get a raise once it's there"

"But that has time", he added as they walked up the stairs and entered the plane.

"Hotch", Spencer said before they entered the cabin where the others sat already but gladly still unaware off their arrival.

"Yes", Hotch paused his walk and turned to face him.

"I...is it...uh", he didn't know how to put proper words to the question that had pained him for a while now, "How...uh...how on earth will I know how to...uh...take care of it? Raise it? I..."

He shook his head slightly, expressing his cluelessness and embarrassment of having to ask but it was the one thing he worried the most about, not if it would be a lot of work, or that he wouldn't sleep a lot the first months (if the baby would be around and Harper didn't take it and herself away from him earlier) but simply the question if he would be able to take the right care of it in the first place. After all he had no idea about children, all experience was with Henry and he'd only held him a couple of times, not once changed diapers or anything.

Hotch gave him one of his rare smiles.

"The baby tells you what to do", he said and Reid looked puzzled, "not with words, of course, but, it will show you what it wants you to do...and, you do know that whenever you have a question there are two people here that have been through it and will help you out"

He put one hand on Spencer's elbow in a reassuring matter and then nudged him into the cabin. Hotch was right, both he and JJ were experienced and they wouldn't hesitate if he ever asked for help, he felt a small relief also because talking to Hotch hadn't been as horrible as he imagined but the look on Emily's face when she spotted him made him wonder if he'd been wrong to worry about Hotch's thoughts in the first place.

He was quick to fix his eyes on the wall and pass Emily as if she wasn't even there but then he was held back.

"Not so fast, young man", he heard her voice behind him and stopped unwillingly, "sit"

She gestured towards the seat opposite hers and for Spencer couldn't escape her on this plane anyway, he reluctantly sat down. Emily studied his features for a good minute before she started talking.

"Why didn't you tell us earlier?", she asked finally.

"I don't know", he said, "I guess because I needed to come to terms with it myself"

"Listen, I'm sorry about what I said earlier", she said now and seemed uneasy, "I just thought, well, since you never-"

"-date", he threw in.

"-yes, I was...well, I've always been wondering and then there was Harper and I thought maybe...since she visited you and you happened to call her sometimes...but when you said you wanted to 'announce' something, I thought into a completely different direction, I would have never expected that you would-"

"-knock someone up", this time it was Morgan who had taken off his headphones to eavesdrop their conversation and now grinned amusedly.

"No...or well, yes, but...I just didn't think you'd be _that_ fast...I mean, it's kind of from zero to hero, right? You just barely met her...", Emily said, trying to explain herself unnecessarily. Spencer already knew why they'd all reacted how they'd reacted. No one would have ever thought that Dr. Spencer Reid, the nerdiest, geekiest, most-women-repelling person walking the planet would end up fathering a baby of one of the most beautiful creatures that had ever caught his eyes.

Spencer nodded faintly and had no idea what else to say, she was right, it was like zero to hero, if you took it like that; from no sex at all to the ultimate outcome of it from one night to the other.

"Congratulations", Emily said in the face of his silence, in a weird voice, almost as if it was an inappropriate thing to say, "I really am happy for you"

"Thank you, Emily", he smiled, thinking she was done but, oh, wrong he'd been.

"So how did it happen?", she asked eager now, suddenly not tense anymore, only curious.

"How did what happen?", he asked back, "do you want me to tell you how the sex was?"

The corners of her mouth twitched as she heard him say 'sex' the first time in her life and it looked a bit as if she heard her parents say it, or anybody else who you didn't want to use the word in your presence.

"If you do, then I'm sorry because I don't remember any of it", that was a lie but she didn't need to know about the random shreds of images and feelings returning to him whenever his brain felt like it. Now it was Emily's turn to look puzzled.

"What do you mean, you don't remember?"

"I mean that she went home with me after we met her at the bar that day and one thing let to another and I don't remember anything", he said, "and then she's there three months later and I'm an expecting-father...I was surprised, too. I would've told you earlier but it was as much of a shock to you as it was to me"

"So you're not dating?", Emily pretended that she didn't know already from JJ or Morgan but her features gave her away, apparently they hadn't told her about it being a one-night-stand but they did tell her that nothing had changed about the "Spencer Reid does not date"-law.

"No, but she lives with me for the time being of the pregnancy", he said, starting to be a little annoyed, not thinking about Harper would be harder than he thought with this company.

"And after?", Emily asked, hitting the most vulnerable spot.

"I don't know", he said with an even angrier edge and his face went blank. He needed to calm down, it was not their fault that his feelings were getting all mixed up an weird. He had no idea what would happen after she had the baby, if she would disappear immediately, or if she was staying until she found her own place or...well, he wasn't in the position to wish for another outcome, he shouldn't do so. Wishing that she would...stay...was another crucial part of the change to his mind-set and he shouldn't do that. If he started wishing and imagining it would be so much more painful to see her go, none the less like the thought of not having his child at his home, well and protected. Of course Harper could take perfect care of it, he was sure of that, but he wouldn't be around as much. Even thinking about it hurt.

Emily didn't say anything anymore, probably realizing that she hit a nerve with him and there was silence for a long while before Spencer's cell phone rang with "The Bare Necessities"; Harper had bluetoothed it over to his cell when he left it lying around on the table and set it as the ring tone that came when she called. He hadn't bothered to change it back to normal, to be accurate, he hadn't wanted to, for reasons he refused to admit to.

Both Emily and Morgan, and from the corner of his eyes he saw Rossi and JJ react similarly, looked up in wonder and surprise as he picked up. It was an unlike ring tone for someone like him.

"Hey", he said, trying to hide the excitement in his voice, more for him than for the others.

"Good day, monsieur", she said briskly, "so I got your message and I'm pleased to inform you that it still smells of no fire around here"

"Good to hear", he smiled, "how was the exam?" Keep it short, he thought, this way he was less inclined to stuttering.

"I _think_ it went well", she said, "though the others wanted to kill me at one point, when I kept whistling the Lambada to myself"

His heart beat fastened uncomfortably, this woman, oh, this woman. She chuckled on the other side. She was so careless, she didn't mean any harm but she had no idea what she was doing to him. And he was angry at himself that she even could.

There was an awkward silence coming, he could feel it, it had started, his inhibitions kicked in, he was loosing the battle. Just the sound of her voice next to his ear drove him out of his head.

"Uh", he said, lacking an actual sentence to say to her, his brain had quit duty as he dreaded what was happening to him.

"Ah well, I guess I leave you to your work", she said after a while, "you be safe, too, okay?"

"Always", he replied curtly.

"We'll miss you", she said, her voice a little higher than usual and then the line was dead, she'd hung up. He just stared into blankness, the phone still pressed to his ear as all the different feelings were raging inside of him, an internal riot had started, a war of conflicting emotions, caused only by the the sound of her voice.

He would miss them, too and mostly...he'd miss her. He already missed her now, although he'd seen her in the morning and that was the worst thing. He would miss her laugh, her random singing, her bubbling about funny things she saw and heard, the little nervous giggle she let out when she was uncomfortable, her instinctive stroking her belly when she was deep in thought, her excitement, her enthusiasm, the little quiver when she started crying over movies, the way she winked when she thought her irony didn't shine through in her voice (which it of course always did). He would miss everything about her, the whole package, despite the fact how nerving some of it could be, how much it annoyed him that she could get him to do about everything she wanted, how miraculous it seemed that she'd turned him from hating her guts to...he dared to finish the thought. He couldn't. He shouldn't, it was wrong and would have the utmost horrible consequences. But...the way his heart still beat as the aftermath of their quick conversation...it was inevitable. Thee was no way of denying it. No matter how hard he tried to think it away, and if he learned a dictionary by heart, all the knowledge in the world would overshadow the dim knowledge resounding inside of his doomed head. He was, to his great horror, and he had to admit, irrevocably, inexorably, involuntarily...falling...in love. He was falling in love with Harper Hillman.

_Boom._

He'd thought it, now, there was no turning back, it was out there. It wouldn't go away and Spencer Reid was once again absolutely, totally and thoroughly screwed up.


	10. Missing Breakthrough

**9 Months**

**Chapter 10**

**Missing Breakthrough**

-Month Three, Week Four-

"Reid?", Hotch's voice for once cut Spencer out of his daydreams that consisted mostly of images of doom, naming Spencer falling flat on is face in front of a laughing Harper, or a screamed out declaration of love, that hadn't been suppressible and an even harder laughing Harper and so on and so forth. His head went up, startled from the sudden addressing.

"Could you have a look at victimology?", his boss looked firm but understanding, probably thinking Spencer was happy in expectation of his soon-to-be family and not horrified about the time when they were. The time when Harper would probably disappear and leave him a heartbroken-weekend-Dad.

"Sure", he nodded wryly, happy about the distraction, "the three women where all in their twenties, two Caucasian, one blonde one brunette and a Hispanic girl with short hair, the others had long hair, there's no preference for types, I'd say they're randomly chosen, based on how well of a target they are. All three have been killed on their way home from work and found in three different side alleys, easy to be found"

The case they'd been put on was nauseating; three women found dead in Dallas, Texas, all three strangled and cut open postmortem. The pictures in the case files showed that there where two cuts on each body, the one starting just below the ribcage and fading above the pubic bone and the second going from one side of the waist to the other, creating a cross whose intercept point was the navel. Spencer had looked at them just once, but like every time the grossness stayed ever-present in his mind. If there was anything he had had enough of from his job it was seeing dead people, their widened eyes haunted him.

"Also, they are no signs of rape on either on them, the unsub is not a sexual sadist", he added, "what makes it even harder to find out who he is, if he chooses randomly and we can't cross-reference him with former rape-victims-"

"-this will be tricky", finished Rossi, his hands folded in his lap, looking like calmness in person.

Of all his team-mates Rossi always seemed the less affected by the horrors of their job, he was content, almost case-hardened, he knew his way to not be twisted and turned by all the death and the pain. Something that Gideon had never learned, no matter how brilliant of a profiler he was and eventually, that had drove him away, from Spencer and from everyone else that had leaned on him and trusted him. A jolt of bitterness flushed through him, although he wasn't really angry at Gideon anymore. He understood him. He really did but...it still hurt, having someone who understands you walk away from you. Like his father did and the common sense of his mother...and like Harper would, too.

"Also, they're not of the exact same age, Lisa Williams was twenty-seven, Lesly Ardine was twenty-two and Paula Lee was twenty-five, they were socializing in different cultural groupings and cross-reference shows they didn't know each other or if so than only barely, being realistic, in a town like Dallas, all they probably have in common is the person that killed them", Spencer said. "And we're standing somewhat under the spotlight", JJ stated now, "the media is pretty interested in the case...they're calling him the Dallas Ripper"

The Dallas Ripper...that should be fun, thought Spencer grim and leaned back into his seat to listen to the others discuss.

The Dallas Police Department was a futuristic, large building with lots and lots of windows and a stylish Lobby that looked more like that of an hotel than a police station. Spencer and the team went there straight from the airport and met the local Sheriff, who, and Spencer was already tired of seeing them, wearing a cow-boy's hat. Not wearing one singled you out in this town, apparently but Spencer did see the appeal, the weather was almost unbearable. It was so hot he could feel the sweat drip down from the back of his neck in the most uncomfortable way. The day stretched into oblivion for him, they went over previous cases of stabbings and strangulations and even rape only to find less then nothing. The signature of the unsub had never occurred in the area before. Garcia was already on it nationwide but it didn't look good on that front either. Morgan, Hotch and Emily had been to the dumping alleys but didn't find anything useful, returning in a bad mood and hanging with their heads over their coffees now.

"I guess there's not much we can do here today, it's getting dark, we need to talk to the victims families tomorrow and hope we'll be luckier there", there was a silent "or else" in his voice that every one could hear and understand and no one liked it. If they wouldn't breakthrough with the families, there was little else to do than wait until there was another body found. Also the previous murders where committed with once a month and then a week in between, he was increasing the speed, the last victim had been found five days before...they were running out of time and Spencer had the bad feeling that they would be finding another girl dead.

When Spencer closed the Hotel-door behind him he felt weird, for the last month, closing the door to the outer world meant coming home, to this strange but beautiful world Harper had made his apartment and now, all alone in this dead room he missed the relief her presence had always been for him. It was like entering his home lifted up his mind just as much as the burden on him, carrying around all the horrid images and screams and accusing voices in his head that he could've saved so many more, if he'd been a better profiler.

Right now, all that weight was on him, he was alone and to his surprise he also felt...lonely. He'd never felt lonely. Not that way at least; not in that way lonely but still knowing he could feel different. Feeling different had never been an option but now, it wasn't impossible any more, for the last weeks it had been more of a reality to him than just a firm wish. Harper had worked constantly to build this sense of home, of normality and now it was gone and the fact that he could have it back if he wasn't in this forsaken hotel room but at home was harder than knowing you had nothing else waiting for you anyway. As he'd known before the missing stroke him full-throttle as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Everything was so silent without her around. She was always talking or singing or whistling, there was a constant Harper-made-sound scape and no matter how annoyed he'd ever been by it, now he would've done a lot of things to have it around again. He let himself fall down onto the double-bed, starring at the ceiling. This was more than miserable, it was all that he wanted to have prevented, he missed her like he would miss a part of himself. She'd invaded him and he hadn't even noticed, not before it had been too late anyway. And there he was, a twenty-seven-year old homesick little boy with a heartache.

He nearly jumped up from the bed when his pants pockets started to vibrate to the beat of "The Bare Necessities".

"Harper", he whispered to himself reflexively and took about thirteen deep breaths before he picked up the phone. This would be the first phone call after he'd admitted to the way he felt about her.

"Ye-yes", he said, making his hand a fist, to control himself, he could speak in full sentences without stuttering, he knew that, it wasn't impossible. He could do it.

_I can do it!_

"Hey", her voice was soft as silk, laying itself in a thin layer all over his skin, with just one word a layer of comfort, of solace spread around him and wrapped him in tightly but at the same time his pulse started racing under this odd blanket, the hairs on the back of his arms stood up and he started to sweat yet again.

"Hi", he said.

"Uh", it was more of a grunt she made, a sound of displeasure and Spencer was automatically alert.

"What?"

"Ah, I...I made too much food, it's all piling up here", she sighed and almost seemed a little desperate, "I'm so used to cooking for two, I completely messed up the amounts and measurements, now there's no one here to eat it all"

Spencer couldn't help the smile as he pictured her in the midst of pots and plates, completely swamped.

"You can freeze it, you know?", Spencer said, happy having used six words in a row without once saying 'uh'.

"I think I will", she chuckled, "but you do will eat some of it, won't you?"

"Of course", Spencer said and then came a moment of the dreaded silences, he thought hard about what to say to her, wondering why it was all of the sudden so hard to, when they had never before had issues finding a topic to discuss.

"It's so quiet here without you", Harper said all of the sudden, again more high pitched than usual but Spencer didn't catch it because he was too busy laughing quietly.

"I was just thinking the exact same thing", he admitted, "though I don't know how I do much to fill the silence at home"

"Oh, you do, you know, I can hear you think", she said briskly, "not literally, of course, I mean...I'm not Edward Cullen"

"What do you all have with this Colon guy?", Spencer asked, remembering JJ speaking of it, some hero out of a vampire-book.

"Nevermind", she sighed, "all I'm saying is, it's boring here without you wandering around thinking...the baby's bored, too"

"How do you know?", he asked, wrinkling his forehead.

"It makes me throw up even more than usual, I don't know but I thought it lessened the last couple of weeks but...as soon as your gone, 'swoosh'", she made this funny motion noise, "the nausea has me right back again"

She was about the most graphically describing person in the world but he couldn't get himself to find it obnoxious.

"I...uh...I have a question", surprisingly it was her stuttering, "I...have this...uh...ultrasound three days from now, I...uh...do you think you'll be back by then, I mean...would you...like to come along?"

Spencer was a little dumbstruck, of course he wanted to, if he could see his child with his own eyes...that would be...magical. But only three days...would the case be over that quickly? He doubted it and felt a sting to his guts, he didn't want to disappoint her. Even though she wouldn't have asked for _him_, as in him, Spencer Reid, but for the father of her child and he didn't like to say no.

"Uh...I'd really love to, Harper, but...", he replied uneasily, "I don't now how this case will turn out...we kind of have no clues yet, I...I don't know if I can make it"

"Oh", she said, again with that higher version of her voice, mixed with something that sounded like...hurt?!-how was she hurt by that? Did she believe he didn't want to see their baby? But he wanted to!

_I want to_, he thought but the words didn't leave his mouth as she spoke again.

"Oh-okay, well, I guess, there's nothing you can do, huh?", she sounded enthusiastic again, but there was something off about it. She didn't like it.

"I'm sorry", he hurried to say but it was only followed by silence. After a while she sighed.

"It's late", she stated, "I'm gonna go to bed, uh...Spence?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I have one of your t-shirts for sleeping? I wouldn't ask but, mine are all starting to feel tense and...well the maternity shirts are too wide still and after all way too good for sleeping...uh", she paused, "I'm talking too much again, huh? To cut it short...can I?"

"Yeah, sure", he answered fairly quick, "I don't have that many t-shirts but in my closet, on the upper shelve there about three from Yale, you can take one...and keep it, if you like, I don't...wear them a lot"

_Hey, I want to give you my worn-out clothes_, he thought in a pathetic voice, mentally kicking himself, _that's not creepy at all!_

"Thanks", she said but it didn't sound like she was smiling anymore, "Good Night"

"Good Night", he said reluctantly. Just ...four...three...two...one...and the light inside his chest had burned down when she'd hung up the phone.

The next day was even worse than the first, concerning the case. The families had nothing to share but how happy and lovely their dead daughters, sisters, aunties had been and of course nothing had ever seemed suspicious before.

And then, to top it all off, when the sun shone in her zenith, another body was found, Linda Hirsch, only twenty years old and last seen only an evening before.

Morgan and Emily were just as glum as the day before when they came back from inspecting the crime scene, there hadn't been anything more, the only light at the tunnel had been half a fingerprint on the victims neck but as Garcia had it processed through the data banks, there'd been nothing, nothing and a little more of nothing.

This was not only tricky, as Rossi had said, it was also about impossible and Spencer just couldn't think of a motive. There was something important to the unsub about the cuts but it could either be a sexual perversion or simple enjoyment of destruction or maybe even a message to the finders of the body but...he couldn't figure out which. He felt stupid, annoyed by himself, he needed to figure out this guy before he went on killing and...he couldn't. Days like these were the most terrible of all. Days when his genius, all his brains, all his experience couldn't help him at all because he had not enough information, he felt like a fish washed ashore, or a bug that's been turned upside down. His little legs were frantically kicking the air, clinging to every blade of grass but absolutely unable to get onto his own feet again.

He was still sitting on the same desk he'd sat on since morning and he could only see JJ wandering around and Rossi and Hotch talk uneasily who were just as moody as he was. Cases like this always got to the team because it made them feel useless and to a certain extend, even a little embarrassed.

He was just about to go over to JJ to offer her to have coffee somewhere, only to get away from this damned desk that held no help in form of files or whatever and just depressed him more, when his phone rang.

_Harper_, this time only his inner voice reacted, his real voice was kept inside, the others needn't know why his ears turned bright red again. He got up from his place and walked into a nearby corridor to have a little private, he certainly needed it as all his colleague's heads had snapped up at his ring tone and even some smiles that had lessened during the days in Dallas. The way he'd hurried to get away he could've might as well yelled across the hall "It's HARPER", it was crystal clear but he wasn't too bothered when he picked up the phone.

He'd still been worried about her strange reaction to his ultrasound-answer, afraid, she'd still be sad or mad about it but his heart took a dip as she greeted him with the same enthusiasm as always.

He apparently didn't.

"What's with you?", she asked straight after his 'Hi'.

"What?", he had no idea what she meant.

"You sound...off", she explained, "sad or...more annoyed and...I also hear a hint of desperation"

"Uh", he pursed his lips, she was right of course, he'd just thought he could've hid it better.

"What's wrong, Spencer?", she asked again, "Still nothing new on the case?"

"Precisely", he answered and let himself fall to a bench standing in the corridors for the waiting.

"Tell me about it", she said, "what's bugging you out?"

"I don't know if I can", he really didn't although he wanted to, he wanted to confide in her so she could say something to make it better, "uh..."

_To hell with it._

He told her. About every nasty detail, once he'd started, he couldn't stop, as always. Once you ever got Spencer Reid to talk, you could barely stop him. He sometimes heard her suck in air, in terror or out of shock and he felt sorry to scare her, but after all she'd asked and he just did what she'd wanted him to do. Like every single time she did.

When he stopped she was quiet for a while, he guessed her to be considering.

"So you need a connection between the victims to find the...what was it? The unsub?", she started, "I thought...well...you said he cuts open their bellies"

He wondered why she used that word as opposed to "stomach".

"It's just a weird idea but...well...let me explain, my Grandma was a...very...very religious woman and...uh...one day my Mom told her about my abortion and...uh...she...she said she didn't want to talk to me anymore, that, once I died, I would burn in hell and they would cut my guts out, revenging the murder of...my...of my child...so...I don't know...maybe...I'm not sure but, I...it made me remember...the cuttings, maybe he punishes them for killing their babies and the cuts are his way of...announcing the...judgment"

Spencer's mouth fell open as his brain started ticking and working and rolling at new speed. What she said made perfect sense.

"Harper", he whispered, "I think you might be right...I...I'll call you back, okay...be safe"

"Okay", she said surprised and then, with a second of regretting, he thought that she'd attempted to say something else but it had been to late, he'd already pushed the button.

When he ran back to his team-mates, he wondered what she might've said but other things pushed themselves into his mind.

"Hotch, Morgan", he called them, his urgency coming through, "can you put Garcia on the screen?"

A second later his colleague appeared on the screen, the only one smiling.

"Don't you look...jolly?!", she said, "What's wrong my pretties?"

"Garcia, could you please check if the victims ever had an abortion?", Spencer said and caught the other turning to him in surprise.

Garcia also looked bewildered for a second but then her fingers hammered their way over the keyboard and then...

"Oh my god", she breathed heavily, "all four had abortions at some point in their lives...and all at the same hospital"

Spencer's blood buzzed through his veins with new excitement and energy. They finally had their much needed breakthrough; they could find him and stop him now, from one second to the other he was again fully engaged in his work. They would find him.


	11. Heartbeats

**Author's Note: **Okay, I know I have an icky subject here with the abortion-topic and I want to say straight away that I don't want this to be a statement of my personal opinion, not because I don't like to share my thoughts on the topic but because this is not the right place to talk about it. I do think that the violence against abortion clinics and doctors is horrible, that's why I put it in here but if any of you would like to discuss the whole thing further, please send me a message, I never turn down a good discussion but after all, that's not what the story is about. So feel free to comment but if you really want to address the abortion-issue, I'd welcome you to send me a message instead of putting it in your review because this won't be important for the story anymore.

I was looking for a way to involve Harper in his work and this plot worked for me, I hope you enjoyed it and I hope that I didn't upset anyone with my take on it. I'm well aware that abortion is always a trigger for discussions and also strong emotions, so yeah, I hope I haven't insulted anyone with this and if so, that was not my intention.

I won't have another case in the fic, I think, because I want it to focus more about Spencer and Harper and their parenthood and possible relationship, just so you know =)

**Things To Look Forward To: **I've decided I will have an Halloween chapter in there, a Thanksgiving-Dinner-one, a Baby-Shower, Christmas and New Years...so there'll be a lot of celebration ahead and we'll get to see a bit more of the team and also both of their families. I hope you're looking forward to reading about it as much as I already die to write it.

Thanks for all the awesome comments! You make my days, guys! ---Shout out to Danielle (drodgers89) for her awesomeness =) ...read her story "The Case He Couldn't Forget", it's brilliant!

**9 Months**

**Chapter Eleven**

**Heartbeats**

-Month Three, Week Four-

Jackson Miller. An anesthesiologist at the Baylor University Medical Center. A respectable young man, good-looking, tall, in his late twenties, you wouldn't look twice when you passed him on the street, you wouldn't think he was dangerous. You would never believe that he'd killed four women an had many more on his death list. He was rather skinny, not as much as Spencer but still, not a threatening appearance. Not normally, he wouldn't be at least, but the way he stared at Spencer now, a gun in hand, his eyes twitching with madness, 'threatening' couldn't quiet capture how he seemed. Spencer brought his own weapon up in a shielding manner, grinding his fingers against the hold of his gun and feeling cold sweat funning down his temples.

They'd been chasing him. All the way through three backyards and when they had him cornered on a playground he'd pulled out his gun.

He knew that they had him, Spencer could see it, this guy meant business, he would either shoot himself or aim for someone amongst them to force them to shoot him.

They'd found his apartment empty only ten minutes before, a neat freak but there'd been crosses and bibles all over the place and on his desk, as if it was a shopping list, a piece of paper with the names of the four deceased girls and about twenty more that were still alive. Garcia had found him quickly as he was the anesthesiologist for all four women and he had a blog where he condemned abortion as the most foul murder. Sure that could've been co-incidence but as he walked in on them raiding his place, he bucked away and now, was Spencer stood across the field opposite to him, he had no doubt that they'd found their unsub.

"Mister Miller, put the gun down", said Hotch from little in front of him.

The man didn't answer and didn't move and then for a short second Spencer thought he saw him point the gun on him, apparently the weakest member of the group and panic struck him. He wasn't a good shooter, if Miller was better, he could be dead in an heartbeat and never see Harper again...and never see his child. A glimpse of red hair pushed through to his conscience, her skin on his, her warmth and her smile and then...

"An eye for an eye", said Miller and smiled before he ripped his hand up and shot a bullet right through his brain. Spencer's eyes closed reflexively, he'd seen this happen before, he didn't need more memories of it. He lowered his gun and didn't care if anyone thought him wimpy. He had no interest of watching the inside of Millers head fall onto the ground, the slide or up into the trees.

With a muffled 'bump' the dead body fell to the floor and Spencer turned away.

He would've wanted to have this man in front of a jury, a trial but then, he figured, being under the law of the state of Texas he probably would've died anyway. This way the state had saved itself about five grand for the capital punishment, Spencer thought bitter. Of course Miller was a criminal, a murderer and he would've belonged in jail for the rest of his life but to Spencer, it just didn't make sense to kill someone by law. It wasn't logical; you couldn't proclaim to be a humanitarian state and then kill off offenders, it was inaccurate and simply false considering human rights and human dignity and paradox. Although he had seen enough evil and men and women that were, out in public definitely a danger to people he couldn't make himself support death penalty, maybe it was his up-bringing or his deeply-rooted value of human life, probably a mix of those but he couldn't think good about it like Morgan did.

But then again, hadn't Miller valued human life as well? He'd went on a killing spree to revenge the 'murder' of embryos. The difference was just that the women had had their abortions when the embryos had been small and probably hadn't even a nerve-system and couldn't feel pain, these women had fully functional nerve-system and they'd suffered, they'd been in pain.

"An eye for an eye", he'd said before he'd pulled the trigger. It depended on the point of view and it was a tricky question. For Spencer in particular, being an expecting father. He wouldn't have supported Harper's decision if it had been the one to get rid of the baby but that was because there weren't enough reasons to decide against it. They would be alright, Harper and the child and him, too hopefully, if he would be allowed to play a bigger part in that little semi-family of his. But also, he couldn't judge her for aborting her child when she was sixteen. She couldn't have offered the baby anything but a struggling mother that was half a child herself and a father that didn't want to know anything about it. Spencer knew how it felt when your Dad didn't give a damn about you and your mother was overwhelmed with anything. There'd been more than enough days when he grew up he'd wished he'd never even been born.

"Hey Reid", Morgan called behind him and lunged to keep pace.

Spencer turned around to him and pursed his lips, he knew his team-mate was also thinking about the case, wondering if Miller's crimes had been justified or at least his motive.

"Did you know that violence directed toward abortion providers has killed at least eight people, including four doctors, two clinic employees, a security guard, and a clinic escort? There'd been arson and acid attacks on clinics, attacks to doctors' houses and families...property crimes against abortion providers have included 41 bombings, 173 arsons, 619 bomb threats, 1630 incidents of trespassing and 1264 incidents of vandalism...this is a trend...only that this was the first time someone's targeted the mothers instead of the doctors", Spencer said, remembering both articles and news-flashes.

"Violence is never the righteous way to protest", Morgan said in thoughts, "it only makes you guilty and no matter what you have to say, it will be the words of a criminal"

"Do you think he was right?", Spencer asked, thinking, somewhere in Morgan's answer had been a silent agreement to Miller's reasons.

"No", he said firmly, "I think he was wrong, it was their decisions, their bodies and their life's, no matter what I think about abortion personally, it's not my right to judge"

"Harper had an abortion when she was a teenager", Spencer said quietly, he didn't know if he was allowed to tell Morgan but he was well aware that his colleague could be very discreet about topics of such importance and confidentiality, "that's why she didn't think once about not keeping ours, because something had went wrong back then and she thought she'd never have a child again"

"And I bet that was hard enough for her", Morgan said and they came to an halt in their strolling walk, "don't engage your brain with this"

He put his hand on Spencer's shoulder and nodded shortly.

"It's not a horrible thing to do, sometimes there's just no other way but Miller...good God, what he did _was_ horrible and we can be happy because we saved all these other women on that list"

He was right, of course, but knowing that he wasn't the only one struggling with the case helped Spencer a lot to calm down.

--

Also, he noticed when they were already back on the plane, it had put some things into perspective. He might be miserable with or without Harper in his life but at least she was there and breathing and well. The second he'd thought he would never see her again had filled him with such sadness and despair that now it seemed to have been so stupid to be afraid of coming home to her, because he would most definitely start acting like a fool. That would maybe be hard but coming home to no Harper would be no match. The way it would be when she walked away from him.

He dreaded the thought, he was just going to pretend she would never leave him at all and when the day came...well, he had no idea yet on what he would do, when she decided to leave his apartment but he was imagining handcuffs and sobbed pleads for her to stay.

He'd just sat down on his usual seat on the private plane when he couldn't keep his fingers from dialing her number anymore and for the most annoying fifteen seconds of his life he only heard 'toot...toot...toot'.

"Spence", she greeted him happily, "you do know that it's midnight around here?"

Was it that late already? Sure it was dark outside but...he wouldn't thought it to be so late.

"I'm sorry, I just...I wanted to tell you that your idea was actually the nail on the head, we found the guy and now, I'm coming back to DC, I'm already on the plane, I can...come along to the ultrasound, if you...if you still want me to", there, speaking worked again. Mainly because he was so happy to hear her voice, there was no room for awkwardness.

"I would love you to", now her smile was coming through the line, caressing him like a soft hand, "uh...does that mean I'm like...a profiler now?"

He chuckled along with her, "A better one than me at that, I must say"

"That's a lie, I can see your eye twitch through the telephone", she was flattering him and what meant nothing to her caused him chills from top to bottom, "do you know when you'll get here?"

"In about three hours I guess, you don't need to stay up", he replied, "see you in the morning"

"Okay", she was still smiling.

When Spencer fell asleep, somewhere above the desert, he dreamed of Harper and a red-haired baby, all smiles and happiness. He was sad when he woke to find that this probably wasn't his immediate future but just another hopeless dream.

The weather in DC almost threw him out of his shoes, it had started raining and cooled down a bit, a very unwelcoming July presented itself to the BAU-team and everyone hurried home, gladly Morgan offered Reid a ride and as they picked Penelope up on the way (for a late 'Midnight Movie' with Morgan) they had a pleasant time and Penelope was surprisingly uninterested in the baby-business, probably because she was already fully briefed by Emily and JJ...and most definitely Morgan, too.

The only time she couldn't help it was when he got out of the car and Garcia called behind him: "Best regards to your baby momma"

Spencer just shook his head in fake disapproval and went into the rain and although it was just about seventy feet to his doorstep, he was soaking wet when he locked up the door to his apartment. As always he put his go-bag beside the door in the corridor and smelled the aftermath of cooking and...what was it? Popcorn? Funny.

He followed the scent into the living room and almost tripped over his feet in surprise, there sat Harper, ever so awake in front of his television and watched a movie.

When she heard him, she turned around wearing her biggest smile, with one hand she pressed the remote control and silenced the colorful common figures on the screen.

"You're back", she stated the obvious.

"And you should be in bed", he said copying her merry voice.

"I don't have lectures anymore, remember? I'm all done, now I just need to finish my degree paper", she said with a hint of spite, "and I did work on that one already today"

"I thought it smelled of Popcorn", he mused and looked around for traces.

"It's here, I was just watching Mary Poppins, it's not far yet, you can still join in", she replied and pointed down beside her.

Spencer's feet found their way without his agreement, he walked towards the couch but when he got closer he stopped at her expression.

"You're all soaking", another obvious statement, "come on, get down here, what are you waiting for?"

He hesitated for one moment but then took off his jacket and shoes, putting the jacket on the armchair and the shoes behind the couch, revealing his mismatched socks and sat down, right beside her, his brain working overtime again with all the input she gave him; her scent, the playing colors of her hair, her smile and the overwhelming closeness, if he just dipped his head he would hit hers, he could've...no. But he wouldn't. She would probably beat him up.

She wore his t-shirt, the gray Yale-one with the blue letters and as far as he could tell also about the only pair of sweat-pants he owned.

She caught his look and looked guilty.

"Sorry, I know I should've asked", she said sheepishly, "but it looked so comfy, I didn't want to bother you, so I just...put it on"

"It's fine", he said and smiled at her. She was so beautiful, his eidetic memory hadn't done her justice at all.

"Now, wait here for a second", with that she got up and hurried to his room and he heard the bathroom-door being opened and her tippling back to him. She was carrying a towel and flung herself back beside him, yet another inch closer.

"Head down", she ordered.

"Why?", he asked puzzled and furrowed his brow, what was she up to again.

"You have to ask?!", she said amused, "Then I guess you can't be that much of a genius...just bow your head and stop the stupid questions, wiz-kid"

He did as told, it was becoming more of a reflex to follow her orders, something that his unconscious thought to be helpful to make her like him. He knew it was stupid, but he couldn't stop and looking down at his hands and his sweatpants on her body he almost jumped up, when she put the towel on top of his head.

She rocked it on top of his head, pulling his hair, rubbing for a while, constantly chuckling quietly; she was drying his dripping hair.

"My mom used to do that when I was little, I haven't seen a hair-dryer in my life before I turned nine", she told him happily and he hoped that she wouldn't notice the goosebumps on his under arms, "okay, I think you're dry now, just...the blanket..."

She reached for the blanket on her lap and simultaneously took the towel from his head and put the blanket over his body.

"...and we're done", she smiled and then put the remote back into her hands and pressed 'play'.

The figures on screen danced to a song half the beat of Spencer's heart.

Sometime during the movie her head landed on his shoulder as she nestled herself beside him and he was pretty sure that he had stopped breathing in the course of it. Every centimeter of his skin started prickling and he had no idea what to do about it. It didn't feel bad, not at all...just...strange. He felt her breath evenly next to him and every time she adjusted her position and her head brushed his shoulder lightly it felt like little flashes struck to him, from head to toe as if he was an electric circuit, activated by her touch. They sat a while like that and she didn't say anything, neither did she move away from him and he finally decided it was safe to lay his head on hers, both because she seemed to be fine with being close and also because he was getting really tired and some time the voices from the screen seemed to be very far away and his lids became fairly heavy and when he woke, he was half-lying on the couch, with her sort of draped over his chest, her feet dangling from the edge, soundly asleep. The morning sun was shining into the room and Spencer felt like heaven. The only shadow over his head, that was growing by the second was the knowledge that he had to get up and go to work. He could've stayed like this forever, feeling her breath beside him, seeing her so peacefully asleep, finally able to realize what an angel she really was but he only allowed himself so much time before he yanked himself from under her, careful not to wake her up. She coughed, but didn't wake and he kneeled beside the couch, putting the blanket around her. There was a stray curl, hanging into her face and he gently tucked it back behind her ear, taking more time than he would've needed. When he put it back to place with his fingers he let his thumb stroke her rosy cheek ever so lightly, holding his breath. He had to get away now, if she woke...that would be the most embarrassing thing ever. He glanced down at her one last long time and eventually, reluctantly backed off to get ready for the day.

He couldn't see that, when he'd passed the couch, her eyes sprung open and she took a deep breath, putting her palm on top of her chest to steady her very own heartbeat.

--

The day after they sat in her rickety Ford and drove through the city to get to the hospital in time. They were already running a bit late because Spencer hadn't got out of work on time and so Harper drove a little above speed limit with Spencer admonishing her constantly. He let her drive again because she hadn't been dizzy in a while and she seemed quite pleased with it.

"You drive like I did at my first driving lesson", she'd said.

Spencer himself felt like he was walking on air, although he knew perfectly that she didn't return his feelings, he was still enjoying spending all this time with her. They did about everything together, when he came back in the evenings, she had started to involve him in cooking so they did that, and when he was off earlier, they went to the grocery-store together, they had watched another movie (though this time she didn't come close, if you didn't count that she'd put her feet on his lap, lying on the other side of the couch...that didn't count or did it?) and they'd been going over her degree paper multiple times. It was almost as if they were together, he thought, not that he knew how that was, being with someone as in a real relationship, as in living together. But he estimated it to be a little like what they had. And as long as the baby was still safe inside her womb, it would stay this way and he was not going to be glum about it. He would seize every second, keep all the little moments in stock, in his everlasting memory to comfort him when she left.

"You're driving too fast", he said again with a smirk.

"Shush", she hissed, "if we're not there on time they'll get the next girl in and we have to wait for another hour"

When they finally reached the hospital, they were actually five minutes early but Harper still shooed him through the lobby and into the elevator where she sang along with the music of the PA, becoming a bit nervous. She was so radiant whenever they did anything concerning the baby, it wore of and when the doors popped open, Spencer was actually grinning from ear to ear.

The nurse behind the reception desk smiled politely as they came through to her and Harper asked for her appointment with the doctor.

"Oh, yeah, he's picking you guys up in a minute", she answered, "why don't you and your husband sit down while you wait"

Harper giggled awkwardly as the 'husband' hung in the air around them and Spencer turned away from her to hide his blushing. Husband...that was...a strong word but unexpectedly Spencer wasn't at all repelled by it. Too bad the one time in his life he'd found a girl he could actually imagine marrying, being so unsettled, would never be interested enough. Her uncomfortable silence told him as much. She didn't dare mention it, probably afraid he would act strange about it, like he always acted strange about every thing.

"Ah, Miss Harper", said a deep bass and a round-bellied doctor towered above them, reaching out his hand to her. She shook it happily and got up.

"Dr. Walker, that's Dr. Spencer Reid, the father", she said and gestured towards him.

"Dr.", Dr. Walker said as an 'Hello' and Spencer brought his hand up to a wave, he just didn't like shacking hands, he'd never done. Dr. Walker didn't seem to bother, he waved back and showed them to follow.

As they were walking he turned back to Spencer, "Aren't you a bit young to be a doctor"

"I...I was a bit quick", he was tired of explaining it all over, why did everyone always ask?

"He's only being modest", Harper said from his other side, leaning over to see the doctor, "he finished High School at twelve and has three PhDs in Mathematics, Chemistry and Engineering and BAs in Psychology and Sociology"

"You're doing your doctorate yourself", Spencer said, ignoring the proud feeling her praise gave him.

"But I didn't do it in my teens", she smirked.

"Well that sure will be one smart child", said Dr. Walker as he led them into the small room with the ultrasound machine.

"Would you lie down and lift your shirt, please?", he asked Harper who nodded and then addressed Spencer, "You can take that chair on the right side, Dr."

Spencer took the chair after he helped Harper onto the high one and watched Dr. Walker sorting through folders.

"So, we're going into the fourth month now, the second trimester, we'll talk about what that means later, now we'll have the show first", he grinned and came towards them, sat on the chair in front of the ultrasound and took out a tube, "That will be a bit cold, but we did this before didn't we?"

Harper smiled but still sighed as he pushed the gel onto her belly. A moment of complete silence filled the room as the doctor put the head of the sensor on the gel and Spencer held his breath.

And then – _thumb thumb thumb thumb thumb_ – like a hummingbirds wings hit the air, their baby's heartbeat hit his ears. Before he could see anything on the screen he heard it's thumbing heartbeat, it was alright and safe and alive and...his eyes were itching with tears coming up and that was when Harper grabbed his hand, squeezing it gently. He looked down at her finding her eyes as glistening as his. She grinned and held his hand tighter as the thumbing went on ever so steady and calming.

"_We_ did that", she said before her voice broke.


	12. Best Friend

**Author's Note: **The episode referred to is S05Ep13 "Risky Business" and the story of the headless queen is from Frank Wedekind's Tragedy "Spring Awakening (Frühlingserwachen)"---

I know Spencer is annoying with the not-realizing how Harper feels about him but it seemed like him to me to just not get it...and he certainly won't find out without help ^^

**9 Months**

**Chapter Twelve **

**Best Friend**

-Month Four, Week Four-

When Spencer Reid got back from another case in Eaveston, Wyoming, he was once again astonished by the life he now, since two months led. He came back to a home, though a temporary one, but a home indeed. With someone waiting for him that cared. Not as much as he'd wanted her to but still, she cared. She worked to keep the demons from his mind, she just shut them out their little world. She'd just went and built a bridge over the abyss that Spencer stood at and looked down into every time they worked a case, a bridge that lad straight to her, the gleaming light at the end of the tunnel, the glimpse of hope when he thought the day would never end. The one that could make him smile even when everything had gotten wrong, when he'd failed, when they didn't save, just solve. No matter how gloomy, no matter how depressed he was when he left the headquarters, the second she greeted him on the doorstep with some sort of command to wash salad or cut potatoes, he was away from his mind, away from all the ugly things outside. Nothing could take that away and when, sometimes, the disappointment and self-doubts were to many and pushed themselves back to the surface, she went and made it all right, she didn't rest until he was happy again.

She sang him songs, she told him jokes, she made silly faces and established something Spencer had never really had as a constant in his life; fun. She could make him laugh until he fell off chairs or started crying. She'd made every waking second at home so easy, even though he sometimes found himself struggling with sudden need for her that he couldn't satisfy or his striking awkwardness that made it from time to time hard to talk but none the less, he couldn't remember a time in his life that he'd been happier and certainly not for such a long time. The knowledge that it would all end made the sensation even sweeter, bittersweet with the acidic taste of anxiety. She wouldn't be with him for ever. She would move out and find someone else, someone strong, someone who could really protect her, who was a better company than stuttering, strange Spencer. Someone with swagger that could sweep her of her feet, someone charming and suave. Someone Spencer could never be.

But he couldn't blame her, she deserved much better than him, she deserved someone that was stable, secure, he was...troubled. He'd always been and he noticed it always with a flash of fear when he was on a case and she wasn't there.

How the darkness that made a part of his soul threatened to take the spotlight in him, making him angry, he lost his balance when she wasn't around because it made him feel lost, like the bridge above the abyss had been cut in the middle. Her daily calls when he was away had become his safety net, the sunset at the very end of the day. He would have her back soon...but, one day she wouldn't be there, waiting for him anymore and he hated the way this made him feel. He needed to know that he could still live alone, that he could still deal with himself without breaking down, that he didn't depend on her but he was afraid that he couldn't be without her anymore, that he needed her on so many levels, more than she could have ever guessed, that he, himself had irrevocably become a part of her, or she a part of him, an extension of himself, his happiness, his comfort, his right mind.

It was dangerous to be that much in need of another person but he couldn't think straight when she was around, plus he couldn't make himself dread it when she was there, needing her so much and having her there was too sweet of a feeling, too much of a relief to have her back around. It reminded him of his addiction to dilaudid, when he couldn't have it pained him, every muscle, every filament in his body yelled for it with such force that everything flew, that even he thought he could fly when he had it back. She was his new drug, his most exalting rush, his constant high. Harper was his new addiction and it got stronger every day she was with him. When she walked away from him, he would need one hell of a rehab.

"Welcome back", she said from the couch, she was reading a book before but now put it back on the table, rising to her feet. Her belly was visible now, a slight bulge shone through Spencer's Yale shirt she wore quiet frequently now, when she was just sitting at home. Though she varied, she switched between all his four sleeping shirts, so he could sleep in them as well. He thought her logic quiet odd, because if she kept that one, he could still wear the other ones but she insisted on it. Although he found it peculiar that, when she was in thought she smelled the collar of the shirts, if they were smelly, why would she wear them? He was uncomfortable thinking that she thought his shirts stunk but she still didn't stop putting them on. There were just some things he would never fully understand about her.

But the sight of her belly, as always, took his breath, knowing that she carried his baby and that he could actually see it growing now filled him with both fear and utter happiness.

"You look funny", she said with a smirk.

"Uh...it's just...how-", he vaguely pointed at her belly.

"-big I've got? Yeah, I know, I seem to grow daily...or better, Baby does", her hands lay on her stomach again, as always in that sort of protecting manner as if to shield her child from the world outside, "come on, sit down, tell me about your trip"

Spencer made his way to the couch, pushing away his shoes, his jacket already lay on the kitchen table. As he sat down, she put her feet in tailor seat and looked at him with her head tilted and her hands still resting on her belly. Spencer took a deep breath, he wanted to share his experiences with her as she wanted him to but she didn't take these things well. It pained her to hear what people were capable of, still she never accepted if he wouldn't tell. Like she felt she needed to take it so he could deal with it better.

"It...was...pretty hard", he started, "There were these children playing this game where you choke yourself to get high..."

"The choking game", she said, her features less soft than usual, "The cheerleaders played it and the football-team, they apparently still do, Adrian always freaks out"

Spencer shot her a questioning look.

"Oh, he trains the football team now, you know, in Vegas", she informed him, "He teaches PE and Biology as well"

Funny that someone so cruel as Adrian ended up being a teacher, probably because he could torture the inferiors even better in that position. Spencer wondered how Harper and her brother could be related, have the same blood, with one so wonderful and the other so disgusting.

"Well, they played, sort of over the Internet and four kids died because the rule said they should do it alone, the most dangerous way, with no one there to revive them", he went on, watching the horror on her face as he said 'four kids died' and cringing inside at it, "it turned out the father of a student had hacked his sons computer and set the whole thing up. Unfortunately we let him go and he kidnapped his own son but...we got there soon enough, no one else died"

He felt the soft pressure of her hand on top of his, as he had them folded in his lap. The sudden touch sent shivers down his spine and he gasped soundless. He wondered, if he reacted this way to the tiniest touch, how he must've acted that night when they were intimate.

"And you're okay?", she asked cautious, as if she didn't care about the dead kids as much as she cared for the way _he_ got to terms with it.

"Uh...I guess", he replied truthfully, as long as she sat opposite him, her hand on top of his, he was fine and the world could come crashing down on them, he would be fine as long as she was there with him, "eventually you get really numb"

"Protection", she stated and let go of his hand, killing the spark that had caught fire on his skin.

"But, the flight home was interesting", he said, not willing to let her switch her attention from him back to the book yet, "Emily had this star-puzzle and she told this inaccurate story about it"

he chuckled remembering how pointless the story had been.

"What story?", Harper asked curious.

"It's this puzzle in the shape of a star and the story goes that there has once been a beautiful princess and a guy that loved her, so one day he caught a fallen star for her but was too exited to handle it properly, so he dropped it. Then, frantically he put it back together and showed her that he was worthy of her love and they lived happily ever after"

"I think it's beautiful, the story, not inaccurate", said Harper firmly, "what is inaccurate about it?"

"You can't catch a falling star, it would burn up in the atmosphere", he repeated what he had told Emily on the plane.

"That's beside the point", Harper insisted, "it's about the moral of the story"

"It has no moral", Spencer stated, much to her displeasure, she adjusted her seating position to sit straighter, opposing to him, the way she always did when they discussed things they disagreed on. They were never really fighting, but bluntly shouting their opinions to each other. Spencer was a little ahead of her in knowing stuff but she had a way of logic that he couldn't deny, though not being able to think the same direction. She always argued on an emotional basis, whereas he pondered on facts and statistics. They were even on discussion-wins, or better, one third went to Harper, one third to Spencer and on the last third, they agreed to disagree. It was a nice way of spending time and also, when it started, Spencer had also learned that Harper wasn't half as naïve as she appeared. She was smart and reflected, educated and had a good sense of argumentation, she triggered his interest, challenged him and occupied his brain with her questions.

She took a deep breath, preparing her answer.

"Of course it has, the moral is that you can get the girl if you work for love", she said and the dim light in the room tricked Spencer into thinking she was blushing, "if you're really patient and eager and if you work really hard...you will get the man of your dreams...uh, the girl, the girl of your dreams...in that case"

He thought about her words, that again, in her logic made perfect sense and he couldn't talk back against it, the way she'd put it, it was watertight.

"But, anyway, apart from that, it's simply a beautiful story", she said, "I'll tell you another, and you'll probably say it has no moral either but...I dare you, find it, think out of the Spencer-box"

She smirked and sat back again, making herself more comfortable to tell her story and Spencer brought his eyebrows up, as if saying 'bring it on'.

"So, there was this queen and she was born without a head – I know that this doesn't work, Spence, keep it shut, just listen – but never the less she was a good queen, stomping declarations of war with her tiny feet or clapping new laws but she was constantly moody and sad, because obviously, there was something missing. Now, it just so happened that she was supposed to get married and met different candidates and along with them the prince of the neighboring empire who had by accident been born with two heads. One big and hard-featured and the other one small and soft but you could only guess that as they were constantly fighting. The headless queen decided for him and the castles magician put the little one of the princes head on the body of the headless queen who wasn't that headless anymore afterwards and she looked perfect with that head. The two got married but they didn't fight anymore, instead they kissed and nudged each other for the rest of their long happy lives", she smiled from ear to ear as she finished, "please ignore the fact that it's anatomically impossible...so...found the moral, genius?"

"Uh...actually...I thought...maybe...", he had no idea, plus, in the face of her blasting smile it was hard to think, "no...no idea"

"Thought so", she said a little smug, "and, well, I have to admit, it's not really a moral at all, it's an analogy, it shows how relationships can change if the circumstances change and the puzzle pieces fall into place. With the two heads of the prince...they've been fighting before, there was a good amount of hate involved but then things changed and all of the sudden there was no hate anymore but...love. So yeah, it's about things changing"

What was it with this light that made her cheeks look so red?

"It's a bit like us", said Spencer, his ears felt really hot again, he couldn't keep from saying it but he didn't want to reveal even more of his true feelings, he couldn't let her know how he felt, it would drive her away from him and he couldn't bare that.

"I'm glad it is", she said, her voice higher, like it sometimes went for no obvious reason, "it's better that you don't hate me anymore"

She stayed quiet for a while and then looked up to him, the inner corners of her eyebrows pulled up, making her look unsure, figuring, attempting.

"You're my...best friend", it almost sounded like a question.

"You're my best friend, too", Spencer said and was sure she heard his heart shatter to pieces.

He was her best friend.

_Ouch._

It was all he could ask for and it was meant purely sweet from her but it felt like a rusted sword being pushed into his chest and turned around twice. A friend was someone you leaned on, someone you trusted, someone you even loved. But not _this way_. You wouldn't want to kiss your best friend, you wouldn't want to touch him and you certainly wouldn't want to marry him. Having a woman tell you that you were her best _friend_ was the nicest way of being told: "I don't see myself with you in a real relationship ever, I mean, I like you as a _friend _but..." It was the three dots that annoyed him. She didn't see him this way, the one time they'd had sex had been an accident not on purpose, she'd been wasted like him and just did it on a whim, not because she found him attractive. How could she? Spencer had none of the attributes a woman like her must've found attractive, he wasn't buff, he wasn't strong, the shadows under his eyes spoke of sickness and his body was more that of a child than that of a man. Someone like him made a great friend, not a lover.

And no matter how little knowledge he had on the whole sex-thing, he knew that he wanted her, he wanted to consume her, touch every inch of her body, bury his head in that little hollow on her neck, breathe her in, kiss her lips, explore her, he wanted to hear her moan for real not just as a dim shadow in the back of his head but she just wouldn't...she could never see him like that. None the less it was true what he's said to her, she was his best friend, too, only that he also loved her. Could she be...? No. There was no rational reason for that, she couldn't possibly love him and he couldn't possibly ask her. The hurt and humiliation would be too much, he would never ever tell her how he felt about her, never. He felt his face loose composure and hurried to restore it, looking up to her with a forced smile. She looked at him eagerly, the smile had disappeared, her eyebrows where still raised and she looked like she waited for something. But for what? Spencer couldn't talk and he couldn't stand her piercing look. He turned away and that's when she got up.

"I think I'm going to bed", she said, her voice low and with a tone to it he couldn't quite name, "Baby makes me tired"

She left him sitting there paralyzed, he couldn't speak, the sting of pain reached to deeply into him, needling him to the couch, his broken heart in the bottom of his feet, dragging him down like a tank cuffed to his ankle. He loved her so much it hurt.

--

A day later he sat in the office and stared at the wall, his brain still replaying the scene over and over again. What had she wanted him to say? What had she waited for? And why did she just leave? Because he didn't say anything? How could he? How could he even talk? There were still so many things he couldn't grasp about her, there'd been few days when he'd been so distracted from work.

"Spence?", he heard JJ's voice dimly through the mist of his thoughts, "no human being should look like this in August, it's summer, why are you so...uneasy?"

He just looked at her in silence, not able to talk. Suddenly her face changed to worry.

"Something wrong with the baby?", she asked urgently, sincerely concerned.

"No, the baby's well, healthy as a horse", he answered, looking past her. She was not going to let it rest, she took Emily's chair opposite to Spencer and put it beside him, sitting down.

"Tell me, has this something to do with Harper?", she asked, "Did you fight?"

"No...we're best friends", he said curtly unable to keep the spiteful note out of his voice.

Her features changed yet again, her blond hair falling into her face as she smiled knowingly.

"And you don't want to be just a friend", she stated, tucking her hair back behind her ear, piercing him like Harper did the night before, knowing she was right and wanting him to admit.

He said nothing and tried to escape her glances by looking in every possible direction, he cleared his throat and looked at his hands, then to the gallery and opened his mouth to deny but all that left his mouth was a resigning sigh. From the corner of his eyes he saw JJ smirk in triumph.

"You love her", she said, "you really love her, don't you?"

He kept it shut, why was she so exited about it? Right now it caused him nothing but pain, a friend shouldn't be exited watching an other friend suffer.

"That's not a bad thing", JJ continued with that patronizing smile, little Dr. Reid finally fell in love, wonderful, "it's a good thing to love, especially since she's having your baby"

"Well, too bad she's not interested", he said bitterly and a little too loud, gave JJ a last hard look and stormed off.

She had no idea how he felt and her good intentions didn't help him a bit. Yes, he knew she only meant well and it was unfair to let his bad mood out on her but she made it look like falling in love with Harper hadn't been a terrible thing. Sure she made him happier than ever before but her rejection also hurt like never before and also in places he'd never been hurt.

Harper was the first girl he'd ever loved with all his heart and body and soul...and she only wanted to be his best friend.


	13. Practice Makes Perfect

**9 Months**

**Chapter Thirteen **

**Practice Makes Perfect**

-Month Four, Week Four-

With a gentle knock on the door, Spencer demanded entrance to his friends office. He'd been mean to JJ and his bad conscience wouldn't let him rest until he hadn't apologized to her.

"Come in", she said, not having seen him and when she did, she looked at him understandingly, a sympathetic smile on her face. What was it with women that they accepted rude behavior and unfairness when it came from someone with a heartache? Men would never let that be a big lot of an excuse.

"Listen, JJ", he said, still standing in the doorway, "I'm sorry about yelling at you earlier...it's just...uh"

"It's alright", she smiled, "I've been there and it isn't a nice place...wouldn't you like to sit down?"

Spencer took the chair behind her messy desk and looked at her timidly, he hoped that she wasn't going to discuss his feelings with him.

"That's just a little new to me", he heard himself saying suddenly, telling the absolute truth; he had no idea how to deal with heartache, he'd never had one before and also the love for Harper was something he'd never felt quite this way, he needed ways of channeling it, controlling it but he didn't knew how.

"Spence, you don't need to be perfect at anything first shot, you do know that? Just because some things com to you very easily doesn't mean your always inclined to know everything right from the get-go, love is hard sometimes but...", she looked at him intensely, "don't give up yet, you know a friendship is a great base and if she told you that your best friend you can be sure that you mean a lot to her"

"She's going to go JJ", he said, bowing his head down, "when the baby's there she will go and there's nothing I can do with friendship, she won't stay with me"

"How do you know?", she asked and the question hung in the air. Spencer had no idea, like about so many things in his life lately. He didn't like not knowing things. He'd always known everything and now...what did he know at all? He was becoming a father and he loved the babies mother, that he knew for sure and of course all the useless statistics and facts but they couldn't help him now, because the rest, he didn't know. He had no idea if she liked him a lot or moderately, what she thought about him, where his life would go. He felt like a fish away from his home waters, lost in a huge ocean, granting no orientation or help to find the way back again.

"I've got an idea", JJ said now, distracting him from his self-pity, "why don't you take Henry for one day and practice a little, that way you can show her how life would be if she stayed with you"

Spencer lifted his head, he liked the idea but-

"I have no idea how to deal with a baby", he said sheepishly.

"I'll talk you through", she said smiling widely, "this way I can finally meet your Harper"

"Okay...and you think that will make her consider to stay?", Spencer asked with a gleam of hope.

"I don't know, but we can try", she said firmly, "How about the third weekend in September, three weeks from now?"

-Month Five, Week Two-

"Wait, Spencer", Harper called from two paces behind him, "I'm not as fast as you are anymore"

They had just left the subway on their way to pick Henry up, Harper didn't want to take the car because she wanted to take in the trees that had started to turn yellow and red and lilac. He stopped his steps and waited for her to catch up with him. She looked delicately, her hair had grown longer and hung over her shoulders and contrasted with her apple green half-coat, on top of it she wore a patchwork-scarf that went down to the yet bigger belly of hers. It hard to look at her, she shone from inside with this radiant glow that made her even more beautiful and Spencer had to hold himself constantly to jump at her and hold her so tight, he'd break her rips and never ever let her go again.

She smiled as she reached him. Like she always smiled. Spencer was still hurting every second that she didn't love him but her smile made it hard to hold on to his bad mood, plus she tried extra hard now, that he was sometimes depressed about her, which was deeper than depression over work, to make him happy again. Of course she had no clue why he was so sad but she sure noticed it. She was the perfect friend, caring and always interested, helpful...being friends with her should be enough for Spencer after all he had said and done to her but he couldn't help it, he wanted so much more.

Still he had become quite the actor around her, he pretended to be fine after she told him one of her jokes, acted like his job was the reason for his mulligrubs and kept himself from starring at her all the time. Sometimes, like now, it all worked so well that he even fooled himself. He was happy now, happy because they walked together through the beautiful park, happy that she was with him and happy about autumn. He loved autumn, it was his favorite season out of all, the time of Halloween, the colorful trees, the temperatures that were perfect for his way of dressing, making him neither too hot nor too warm. He'd always loved autumn. Harper did, too, they'd talked about it a couple of evenings before when she came home from shopping and told him over-excitedly that the leaves had started to change color. She was happy as a child when she told him an then she said "Autumn is my favorite time of the year" and Spencer's heart jumped. They had something in common and although that didn't mean anything and he was well aware, it still didn't make him discard the happiness this brought him.

She still stood beside him, her head tilted in her usual way.

"Dreaming again, Spence", it wasn't a question, it was a statement and when he only shrugged, she bowed down to the ground and took from a piled up huddle of dry leaves a handful and threw it at Spencer. She giggled and he perplex picked some stray leaves from his jacket.

"What was that for?", he asked.

"You were too deep in thought", she said, "I wanted to bring back your inner child"

At that, she took another handful and threw it again, this time hitting his back as he turned away to shield himself. Her bell-like laugh filled the cooling air. Unusually for mid-September there already were lots of leaves on the ground, Spencer figured it was because of the storm that had come the week before and ripped off so many leaves from the trees.

"Harper", he pleaded as another mess of leaves hit him, this time half in the face.

"Come on, fight me", she said, laughing, another load of leaves threateningly in her hand.

"Don't you think we're a little old for that?", he said and brought his hands up in defense.

"We have to be the adults for the rest of the day, now just enjoy it", she insisted and then her face changed to a smug grin.

"You're afraid of me, you're scared that I will beat you", she half sang in triumph, "you don't dare to fight me"

_Fine._

He shook his head ever so slightly and reached down for a bunch of leaves himself, not hesitating one second and threw it right into her face. He laughed hard as she removed one big reddish leave from her mouth, shooting him an evil glare. Soon they were both reloading their arms by pausing every two steps and bowing down to get more leaves. They took turns in throwing and to Spencer's displeasure, she hit him more often but it wasn't fair, he was distracted by her jumping curls, her bright smile and the playful look in her eyes. He joined her constant laughter until she tricked him with a false move and managed to throw a load of semi-dry foliage over his head.

"Oh, you're going down now", he said, husky as never before and threw her a dooming look, she reacted immediately bringing her hands up, saying "No, no, nonono" and stumbling backwards onto the yard. She was still laughing but she also saw him take as many leaves as he could carry and he was faster then her. She still walked backwards, with her eyes fixed on his, as she hit a park bench and struggled in surprise. Spencer took his chance and lunged towards her, throwing all the leaves onto her but she tried to shield herself and grabbed his jacket which caused her to tremble, she lost balance and before Spencer knew what was happening, she was pulling him down with her to the ground. Still falling he took her elbow and gently pushed her on top of him so he cushioned her fall and the moment they hit the grass together, she bursted out in laughter.

"You alright?", he asked, smiling too.

"Never been better", she said between laughs and he felt her rocking with the motions against his body. She was half-lying on top of him, with her upper body on him, her elbows lay on his chest and one leg was lying on his legs, her thigh dangerously close to his little friend, if she moved her leg an inch, she would touch it and as they both lay on the ground breathing heavily from the chase he was more aroused then ever. She could never know. For a mere second he allowed himself the sensation for a little longer, felt her hot breath on his skin, felt her belly against his and stared at her green-brown eyes that were full of joy.

"We're getting late", he finally said, his smile turning into an apologetic grimace. Her smile faded as well and she sat up, brushing his body one last time.

"Well then, let's get going", she said but he was on his feet earlier, lifting her up. As they walked back to the road together she linked arms with him and looked around at the trees.

"I love autumn", she said quietly.

"Me too", Spencer agreed while he pretended they were really together, they were just another happy couple expecting a baby, not this weird pair that fate brought together. He didn't even believe in fate. He wondered if she did.

"Do you believe in fate?", he asked bluntly, unable to hold it back. She looked up at him in surprise and smiled finally.

"I think everything happens for a reason", she said, "and if certain things had been different we wouldn't be the people we are today. Do _you_ believe in fate?"

"Not really", he answered truthfully.

"Liar", she said, like she always did, when she thought he wasn't being true, "of course you believe in fate...what would you wear these mismatched socks for if you didn't think that it was good luck?"

She had a point there. Although he had no reason at all to be, looking at the rules of science, he was superstitious about his socks since he was a little boy. His grandma had once told him it was bad luck to wear matching socks and he could never let go of the believe.

"I don't know, maybe you're right", he said and he saw her smiling from the corner of his eye.

--

They reached JJ's and Wills house ten minutes later and Spencer's heart was working overtime when he pressed the doorbell. He wondered what JJ would think of Harper and if they would get along.

He heard footsteps from behind the door and with a click, it was opened and revealed a smiling JJ, whose eyes lasted on Harper longer that Spencer liked it. She looked exactly like someone who was checking out a friends new girlfriend.

"Spencer", she said, her eyes flickering to him for one second, "and you must be Harper"

She threw out her hand and Harper shook it, saying "Hi"

"I'm Jennifer, but everyone calls me JJ", she said smiley, "you look lovely"

Harper stroke her belly and tilted her head.

"I'm starting to feel a bit like a planet", the two women laughed and Spencer thought it was going quite well.

"Come on in", JJ said and gestured them to follow her inside, when she was level with Spencer she whispered only for him to hear, "she's gorgeous"

Spencer looked out frantically but Harper didn't seem to have heard anything and they walked through the narrow corridor towards the living room where Will sat reading the paper and Will played on a blanket on the floor. He'd turned one year a little while ago and was a jolly toddler, rarely ever sleeping but almost always happy and content.

Will got up from the sofa as he heard them enter and waved at Spencer, knowing his girlfriends colleague wasn't one that liked handshakes.

"How's it going man?", he asked putting the paper on the table.

"Good", Spencer smiled, "how's Henry?"

"Happy to spend some quality time with his godfather", he smiled, "and happy to do his parents the favor of getting them some quality time with each other"

He stepped next to JJ and put a soft kiss on her cheek. Spencer wished he could just grab Harper like that and kiss her, easy, casually, so she wouldn't run out screaming.

"Hi, I'm Will", Will said and shook Harper's hand and they exchanged polite smiles.

JJ broke free form Will's embrace and went over to take Henry into her arms, carrying him to them.

"Harper, this", she held him out to her, "is Henry"

Harper's eyes got really huge as she took him and placed him on her waist, she smiled and pursed her lips, she looked like saying "awwww".

"Hey Henry", she said in her high voice, gently stroking his cheek, "I'm Harper, we'll take care of you today"

"Have you ever changed diapers?", asked JJ, patting her sons head.

"Yeah...my brother has two boys, you can't really find your way around that", Harper smiled, Spencer looked up in surprise, they hadn't talked about Adrian at all and the fact that he had kids did surprise him a lot.

"Okay, so you can show Spence how it works", JJ stated and Harper smirked up to him.

"He's a quick learner", she said and Spencer caught JJ's eye as she nodded, faintly looking at Spencer with her eyebrows pulled up.

Henry wiggled in Harpers grip a little and held his little hand out to Spencer, he had never babysitted him alone but often, when Will was at work, he helped JJ out with him so Henry recognized him and to Spencer's joy, the child liked him a lot.

"I think he wants you", said Harper, watching the kid in her arms and looked at him and JJ questioningly, if she could pass him on and when JJ nodded she lifted him form her waist and Spencer took him, holding him securely underneath his butt as his back leaned against Spencer's chest. He sort of sit in the air and looked around happily to his mother and Harper.

"He's so beautiful", Harper said captivated and JJ smiled at her warmly.

"Do you know what you're having yet?", she asked and Spencer looked up from the child.

"I have another ultrasound in two weeks, I think they'll be able to tell us, if we want to know", she said and then she turned to Spencer, "do we?"

They looked at each other for a while and then they both nodded slowly, Spencer knew she would be way too curious to not want to find out and he couldn't deny her that, even if he didn't really need to know the sex, he loved this baby so much anywhere it didn't matter at all what gender it had.

Henry rocked in Spencer's arms and chuckled, JJ smiled and squeezed his little foot.

"I think he's ready to go", she said and addressed Harper rather then Spencer, "His diapers and all that stuff are in the bag on the buggy, some time tonight will need a bottle, that is also in the buggy-bag along with some mash, when he gets hungry try a bottle first and if he's still not full you can give him the food"

JJ took Henry away from Spencer and brought him to the buggy with Harper following to see how it's done, Spencer could hear them talk about how to seat the child right and then his name being called.

"Spence?", it was Harper, "come on, let's go, or JJ and Will won't get anything out of their free night"

Spence nodded and put up his hand as a goodbye to Will who nodded all the same and rested in the living room. Harper was already maneuvering the buggy with chuckling Henry in it down the stair with the help of JJ and when Spencer sprung to help, they were already done. JJ went back up the stairs and looked at the three of them, grinning.

"Be safe", she said and Spencer could see Will join her in the doorstep, they waved their goodbyes and what Spencer couldn't hear anymore was the small exchange between JJ and her boyfriend.

"She is completely smitten by him, isn't she?", Will said, looking behind Harper and Spencer.

"Totally, but I'll let him figure that out on his own", she smirked and took Will's hand, more than ready for some alone time with him.

The walk back to the subway seemed so much shorter than earlier as they were constantly commenting on every motion Henry made and Harper always talked to him in that baby voice. Spencer who was pushing buggy always shot her glances and found it heartwarming how happy she was. She'd agreed right away when Spencer had asked her to babysit his godson and now he could see why. She loved children, their presence lifted her up, she felt needed and loved and for once completely capable. He knew that she sometimes thought she couldn't do anything right, especially the way she always dropped things and broke them and the way she failed her first exam, with Henry she looked utterly happy, like she sometimes did when they were playing chess and he let her win or when she beat him at a discussion. She was totally pleased with herself because she knew it was her place in life, taking care of people. And then if it was a child it was even more rewarding to her because they couldn't survive without care...little did she know that Spencer probably wouldn't be able to survive without her anymore, too.

Getting the buggy to the tube was a little trickier as they had no escalators, just stairs and the two of them had to carry it down all the way, which was particularly hard for Harper. A man spotted them halfway down the stairs and offered his help, saying that Harper shouldn't be carrying things in her state. He also shot a look into the buggy and onto her belly, probably doing the math, if Harper could've been pregnant at all after having a baby the age of Henry. Spencer didn't bother to tell the man that Henry was not their child. As he said goodbye, he kind of wished that the image the man had of them, a happy family with another baby on the way, was actually the truth and it kind of made him happy to think that this image would be conserved in the man's mind, even if he'd never see him again.

When they finally arrived in Spencer's apartment Harper yawned although it was only about four pm. Gladly he lived on the first floor, so they just had to carry the buggy up the four stairs to the entrance door. She took out the child and held him on one side, while grabbing the buggy-bag with her free hand, carrying it on the other side. As Spencer opened the door and saw her passing through she looked like a woman out of a maternity-shopping-catalog; the perfect mother.

She winked at him as she walked beside him through the door and inside, started to talk to Henry again.

"Welcome to our home, little Henry", she said melodically, "this is were we live"

_For now_, thought Spencer and his features fell apart again.

"What's wrong, Spence?", Harper asked, he wouldn't have thought that she saw him but obviously she kept her eyes both on the little and the big child.

"Nothing", he lied and put his happy-face back into place.

Harper was studying his features for a while but he had luckily controlled his left eye well enough so she didn't see it twitch and knew about the lie he'd told her. Finally she took a deep breath and let him off the hook by returning her attention back to the little boy in her arms.

"Now, what shall we do with you, little one?", she asked him, "Play a game? You wanna play a game, huh?"

They ended up playing with wooden building blocks that had also been in the buggy-bags for about an hour until Henry got bored and could only be satisfied by Spencer's magic tricks, that Harper watched with equal fascination as she had Henry sitting in her lap, being as amazed with the little tricks as she was.

But Spencer had made one trick too many, the "Physics Magic"-one, Harper jumped up, not startled but exited, still Henry was scared by both her sudden movement and the 'boom' of the film container as it broke free from its cap, caused by a chemical reaction.

Henry took one big breath and then, at inhuman volume, started crying. Spencer's eyes widened in shock, that hadn't at all been his intention. Harper looked at him, for one second unsure what to do but then she took him in both arms and started to rock him, saying "shush" very softly.

"Do something with your hands", she commanded him quietly, "or pull faces, pull faces Spencer"

And he did as he'd been told, and crawled closer to the two pulling the weirdest grimaces and when Harper started to laugh between "shush"s, Henry stopped crying, too, eventually starting to giggle and throw his little hands together, attempting to clap.

Spencer couldn't hold back his own laugh as he saw Harper almost cry and Henry clapping on, trying to pull funny faces himself, so they just sat there for a while and laughed.

His stomach hurt when they finally stopped and Henry leaned himself back against Harper's body and looked exhausted, she smiled down at him the most maternal way.

"Could you make him a bottle?", she asked, not looking up to Spencer, her eyes fixed on the boy.

"Okay", Spencer replied and made his way to the kitchen where the buggy bag stood, "but I have no idea how to"

"Simple", she called from behind the couch, she sat on the floor so he could only see a bit of her fiery hair that she had put up into a knot because Henry always grabbed it, "Just take out the bottle and the little pack with milk-powder...you got that?"

"Yup", he said, taking both items out and so far it didn't look alien-like to him.

"Now remove the cap from the bottle, the cap is a measure, fill it with the milk powder, there should be a line...see that?"

He said yes again and carefully filled the fine powder into the cap, waiting for further instructions.

"Now fill the bottle with water and put it in the microwave for forty seconds, when its done, put the powder into the bottle and shake", she continued to talk him through without seeing what he was doing but when the microwave 'bing'ed, Spencer was pretty sure he could do it. He emptied the powder into the bottle, put the cap back on and shook it, making his way back to the two.

"Ah, see, that looks good", Harper said acknowledging and gestured him to pass it on to her.

"Give me your hand", she said as she took the bottle, holding on to the hand he passed it on to her with, "palm down"

He did as told, sitting on his knees, and watched her bring her arms around Henry who watched with great interest and put the bottle above his hand. Then she gently let a few drops of the milk drop on his hands, it was pleasantly warm.

"This way you can tell if it's not too hot", she informed him, "how does it feel, has it got the right temperature?"

"I think so", he said and wiped of the fluid.

"Then come around, feed him", she smiled and pointed to the floor beside her. He walked on his knees until he was beside her and then sat down on the floor. His heart rate increased again as the scent of her hair filled his nose and her warm hand put the warm bottle back into his. She lifted Henry up gently, so that Spencer could reach him better.

He brought the bottle close to his face and the child took the teat into his mouth and started drinking.

"Hey, you're doing it", Harper smiled and nudged him slightly.

He smiled back and it didn't take long for Henry to finish the bottle and as JJ had predicted he also ate the mash, about six full spoons until he appeared to be full.

When Harper called out for Spencer, who was fixing _their_ dinner up, about half an hour later, he thought he knew what was about to happen.

"Diaper-Time", she announced, rising from the couch she'd sat on, reading him a book, and started humming the "You Can't Touch This"-song.

When Spencer just stood there and watched her taking the buggy bag, she turned around with her tilted head and smiled.

"Come on, you need to learn this as well", she seemed to be enjoying herself quite a lot, bossing him around but she was right, he needed to learn it one way or the other so he followed her to the couch table where she had put the bag.

"Could you hold him for a second?", she asked and without waiting for an answer, stuffed the kid into Spencer's arms.

"Hey buddy", he said and put a finger on Henry's nose, he smelled what the little boy had done, "Number two...right?"

"Definitely", Harper answered as she put the pad on the table and the fresh diaper along with some cleaning wipers and baby powder out.

"Okay, put him down now", she ordered, "careful with the head...Spencer...hold his head"

"He can hold his own head", Spencer said, because he knew for a fact that a one year old could.

"Still, it's about trust, Spence", she said, "see, you're doing great, now he's lying safely and he knows he can trust you"

She made quick work unbuttoning his little jeans and took them of, revealing a little jumper with click-buttons that she opened also, with the other hand pushing the fabric up so you could see his porcelain white skin and the diaper which smelled not half as un-suspicious as it looked.

"Your turn", said Harper and retreated slightly from the table, making room for him, he looked at her and furrowed his brow but she just nodded happily.

"Take the diaper of, you got to loosen the adhesive strip on both sides, yeah, like that, now, take the upper part down...ugh", he did as she told and revealed Henry's work of today and she chuckled, "I guess that's something we need to get used to...now hold his feet up, no no no, both his feet with one hand, like that..."

She took his large hand into hers and molded it around Henry's feet.

"You got it like that?", she asked and only let go of Henry when he nodded, "now lift his legs up, yes, great like that, now use the other hand to take the diaper away...yes, wipe that of with it, roll it in and give it to me, brilliant"

She took the diaper away and brought it to the waste bin, "Keep him up like that", she called from the kitchen.

"Wipe the rest of with the paper cloths" she said, making her way back to them, "fine, now it's fine and clean so we put some lotion on it and baby powder and here is the new diaper..."

She pushed it under Henry's body, telling Spencer to let him down again and fixed the strips on the sides.

"Look", she said as Henry lay on the table, changed and happy, "that's teamwork and you did really well"

"Don't be ridiculous, _you_ did really well", he said.

"Practice makes perfect", she smiled and gently squeezed his hand as they both looked down on Spencers godson, captured by his peaceful expression.


	14. All Hallows Eve

**Author's Note: **I wanted to thank you guys again for your awesome reviews that always keep me going. This chapter is very close to my heart and I hope you can feel it the way I feel it, their little episode in the end, I'm wondering if certain things at the end should be clearer but I think every one got it until now, that Spencer is in one point, very very wrong about Harper. Tell me what you think and sorry for making Spencer a dumb fool for yet another chapter ^^...it will stop sometime soon (hint hint)

Special Shout Out today goes out to FoxPhile for that kind and lovely review!

**9 Months**

**Chapter Fourteen**

**All Hallows Eve**

-Month Six, Week One-

Autumn as always lifted Spencer's mood, he was enjoying all the colors, the soft winds and in his private life, things very getting easier with Harper, not the fact that she didn't love him but dealing with it. He just told himself to be happy with what he had. So what if he couldn't have a physical relationship with her, no matter how much he wanted it, this way, he still had her around, as a friend. Maybe touching her would feel good in a different way but spending nights talking with her was very special and very exhilarating on its own. And it was very intimate on another level; she shared all his secrets with him, there was nothing he didn't know about her, he knew that she was afraid of horses for no obvious reason, that she'd once stolen a CD when she was younger and so ashamed of it that she went back to the store to pay it and they'd talked about another thing she'd kept a secret – though not from him.

"I...I haven't really told my parents about the baby yet", she whispered to him as they sat at the doctors waiting for the ultra-sound to tell them what they were having.

Spencer had asked her what her parents would prefer, if they'd like a girl better because Adrian already had two boys and she'd just stared at her hands and replied very sheepishly.

"Why haven't you told them?", asked Spencer a little edgy, suspecting she was embarrassed that loser-Spencer from High School knocked her up.

"Uh...it's...I don't...know", she stuttered around and didn't know what to say, "it's...sort of...the circumstances...my family is very conservative and as I'm not married..._not at all_ married..."

Her words stung so painfully that he didn't catch the slight disappointment to her voice, the silent hint she gave, like she always did with him being ever so ignorant.

"I haven't told my Mom either", said Spencer a little colder than intended, he didn't know why but he hadn't been able to mention either Harper nor the baby in the letters, probably because he didn't know how his mother would take it that her only son, her perfection so suddenly had two other people in his life that had to be his strongest commitment and responsibility naturally. He had no idea if that would be too much for her and he'd been too much of a coward to find out.

"You know, I'm not going to keep it a secret forever", Harper said quietly, "I just thought...in time..."

He waited for her to continue but she just stared at the wall and remained silent, Spencer was about to open his mouth to answer, when Dr. Walker called for them from the end of the corridor.

The doctor sensed the weird mood around the two of them and tried to loosen the tension with some lame jokes that Harper laughed half-heartedly about, appreciating his efforts with Spencer only smiling mildly.

When they heard the thumbing heart of their baby again, their temporary-resentment flew out of the window in an instant, she grabbed his hand again and looked up to him.

"We're cool, right?", she whispered, "We're going to tell them, our families?"

Spencer smiled back and nodded, his ears keeping track with the baby's heartbeat, he just couldn't be mad at her for long, she'd made it impossible. He squeezed her tiny hand to reassure her and obviously Dr. Walker was more pleased with their friendly intimacy as he just cleared his throat to gain their attention instead of making another awkward joke.

"Are you ready to find out what you're having?", he asked and Harper, after one last look at Spencer, nodded frantically, her smile coming back to her perfect face.

Dr. Walker moved the sensor on the gel and the monitor showed shapes in black and white that Spencer could hardly make out to be his baby, but the Harper squealed.

"That's its feet, right?", she cheered, "They're so cute, look Spencer"

He could see them, too but only so shortly until Dr. Walker adjusted the sensor again and started mumbling to himself.

"Ah, here we go", he said finally, turning his head to the expecting parents, "can you see that?"

He pointed to something on the screen and Spencer saw Harper nod from the corner of his eye and nodded along although he really had no idea _what_ he saw on the scree, to him it was all schemes and lines.

"I think we can be pretty sure that you two", he made a pause for the effect, "are expecting a little baby girl"

Harper gasped beside him and pressed her fingers tightly around his. A girl, he'd get a daughter, a perfect little version of Harper, someone his life would always be entwined with, his flesh and blood, a girl. He was such a whiny person, he thought, when his view came blurry with tears again but he wasn't ashamed, this was a wonderful thing. Not that it would've felt different if they had a boy but knowing now, made it more real, he started imagining the child immediately, how she would look, what she would sound like, how she would be.

"A girl", said Harper under her breath, completely consumed with the picture on the screen, "I get to buy pink jumpers"

Spencer couldn't help the laugh and – other than usually – gave in to the reflex to put his arm around her shoulder but she didn't seem to mind, she'd let his one hand go so it was free to wind around her only to grab the still empty hand and rested her head on his upper arm.

"That's my miracle, right there", she said and Spencer felt that she would start sobbing in a second which she did but silently, completely taken up with her happiness, "our daughter"

Spencer thought about her now, his daughter, as he sat on the plane back to DC with his colleagues. Being away on cases was ever so hard, he missed Harper like crazy and now also the baby so much more since he had this picture of her in his head, of the little red-curl-headed girl with the smile of her mother and her nose always stuck in a book.

He'd told the others as soon as they'd found out, also because JJ didn't let him of the hook, knowing when they'd had their appointment. She'd been thrilled to hear.

"We definitely have to set Henry and her up", she'd joked, "they should go to prom together"

He sat opposite Emily now, who had been reading a book but put it away and looked up to him.

"Do you have any ideas how you'll call her?", she asked and Spencer jumped at her sudden question.

"What? Oh...no, not really", he answered, "we both had some ideas but we couldn't find a compromise that suited both...the closest we got was Celeste"

Emily furrowed her brow, "Celeste?"

"It's sort of French, I like it and she didn't object...but...we didn't find anything better yet", he replied, almost defending himself.

"How about a name with a meaning?", Emily asked, "Something that means something to both of you...I mean...I don't really know about Celeste Reid"

"Celeste Reid?", asked Morgan, pulling a face like the name tasted bad on his lips as he came from the toilet on the jet, "you really want to put her through the same bullyin' you went through, kid?"

"I like the name", Spencer insisted spitefully, "we can name her all how we like"

"But considerate, if you mind", said Emily and pulled out her tongue, with Morgan laughing and taking place beside her.

"Hey, any plans for tomorrow yet, anyone?", Morgan asked into the round, getting faint shaking heads in response, "Good, because Garcia wants to go to this Irish Pub and celebrate Halloween and she said she'll spank me if I don't get y'all on board, Harper and Will, too"

"I don't think we'll find a baby-sitter on that short notice", JJ said and then looked at Spencer, "but I bet Harper's on board"

He had no idea why JJ always had to be so smiley and winky when she spoke about Harper in his presence, like when she sang that song about Penelope and Lynch, totally childish and, in his case, really inaccurate.

"I think she would like to", he said nevertheless because it was the truth, Harper was, just like him, a big fan of Halloween, liking the dressing-up, the dispense of all order and most of all, the being a child again. Simply enjoying yourself for the sake of it, not thinking about how stupid you look or anything, just having a good time no matter what everyone else thinks.

When he told Harper about the plan at dinner that night, she was radiant as expected.

"Tomorrow?", she grinned, when he asked if she had plans, "You mean All Hallows Eve?"

"Indeed", he smiled back.

"No plans yet", she said, "but I definitely want to go out trick-or-treating...or something"

"The team planned on going to the Irish Pub, they have this party and you get free drinks if your in costume"

"Yay", she laughed, "free drinks for the pregnant girl"

"They also have...coke", said Spencer, noticing a second too late that she'd made a joke.

"I guess so", she said, "I'm on board but I'll have to go change my old costume, I'm too big for it"

Matter of fact, her tummy got bigger undeniably, it was really round and wide as well, looking a bit too large for her petite body but she'd also gained some weight around her thighs, upper arms and around her cheeks which kind of fixed the proportions. And, also, it made her only more beautiful, she looked naturally healthy and her inner glow was ever so radiating to the outside world.

"What are you going to wear?", he asked curious but she was mystifying.

"You'll see tomorrow", she smiled, "I guess we'll meet at the bar?"

"No, we'll pick you up, me and Morgan", he said.

"The big man that loathes me?", she asked, still smiling.

"Why should he loath you?", Spencer asked in surprise.

"Well, the way he looked at me, the day I told you about her", she pointed at her belly, "he looked at me like I was the devil in person"

"No, he...I'd told him about High School and he didn't know then, because I didn't, that you weren't what I'd thought you to be", he said uneasy, not really wanting to bring it on again. Thinking about the feelings he had towards her in the beginning, that he'd actually wished for something bad to happen to her now seemed like the ugliest perversion of blasphemy.

"Fair enough", she smiled and he was relieved that she wasn't giving these things a lot of thought as it seemed, "so, I'll meet JJ, Penelope and Emily again?"

"That's the plan", he smiled and then she got up from her seat.

"Oh, wait", she was half-standing with her belly touching the table, "do _you_ have a costume?"

"I have this mask", Spencer said, remembering his Frankenstein-mask, all other costumes took too much time to change into when picking her up.

"Uncool", she stated, "when you pick me up, I'll put you in a costume"

"What", she'd do what?, "what do you mean?"

"I will pick out a costume for you", she smirked and when he didn't look convinced, "please, Spencer, it'll be fun"

--

How did this always work on him?, he thought when he was ordered to sit down on the couch the day after. Harper had set up a whole mess of make-up on the table and was eager to do quick work. She'd promised Morgan, who was having a coffee in the kitchen, to be "like a tornado" with a long-lashed Lolita-wink. Generally, she was a bit too polite to the buff man for Spencer's taste, offering him coffee, food and asking him extra friendly how his day had been. It was almost like she was flirting with him. He tried to ignore the sting of jealousy piercing through him and when she touched him, her fingers covered in the first bits of make-up his insides were torn between an acidic growl, wanting to throw Morgan out of his house and a rumbling sensation in his chest that felt his face burn with every touch of hers.

Although she did work quickly, she took her time putting the paint on him, holding his hair up with one hand and letting the other one travel all over his face, giving him goosebumps. His whole body tingled when she told him to close his eyes and she blew over the places she before placed something that felt rather fluid (she wouldn't let him see what it was, as his costume was a surprise as much as hers). He felt her breath on his face, marking a soft trail that eventually reached his neck and he had to strain every muscle to not quiver.

"Done", she said suddenly and far too soon, he could've sat forever like that, in her hands, "now follow me"

He got up like a trained dog, still too enchanted to not follow any of her orders. She led him through his bedroom into his bathroom, but commanding to keep his eyes shut. To make him find his way, she took his hand and it caused flames where their skin met.

Halfway through the living room, he'd heard Morgan laugh out what made him afraid of what would wait for him in the reflection. When she put him in place in front of the mirror he expected to next see his face painted like a cat or a butterfly, something really un-manly, proving once more that Harper would never see a proper candidate for her in him.

"Open your eyes", she said happily and he nearly jumped in shock.

"A zombie?", he looked at the horror make-up, the fluid that she'd attempted to dry was fake blood and made him look even more scary, it was a remarkable effect for ten minutes of stroking his face.

"I thought it worked well for you", she smirked sheepishly, "and turns out, I was right; you make a handsome undead"

He smiled down, trying to figure out if she was being funny or really meant her compliment but she turned her face away from him as soon as she caught him looking at her.

"I found some old clothes of yours and made them zombie-ish", she said, again higher-pitched than she usually would, and hurried back into his bedroom where some wasted, destroyed clothes lay, "just put that on and we'll meet in costume in five minutes"

He was quicker than her and stepped into the living room to a still grinning Morgan, who was, needless to say in no kind of costume because he was "perfectly happy in his own skin" as he put it.

"Kid, you look scary", he smiled as Spencer came to the table, "she's got it going with the make-up"

"It's not much effort, I guess, I look half-dead almost all the time", Spencer shrugged.

"Oh and she is really a catch, kid", Morgan added and, simultaneously, Spencer's inside crunched into a small ball of hate, "very easy on the eyes, I'm glad for you that she isn't how you thought she was, that would be a crying shame"

The only thing that kept Spencer from jumping onto him was Harper's room door opening. Morgan was one of his best friends, like the bigger brother he never had, but he was talking about Harper here, his Harper. Underneath, Spencer knew very well that the real reason for his sudden rage was, that, if Morgan tried it on Harper only a little, he'd have her in the bag.

Despite his underlying grudge towards Morgan, his attention went back to Harper in the blink of an eye, she stood in her doorway, holding on to the wooden frame like a 60's pin-up, grinning wryly from under her coif. She was dressed up as a nun.

"Funny", said Spencer in face of Harper's joke.

"I know", she grinned back, "if my Mom saw me in this, she would punch me...bad"

"Creative", joked Morgan and Harper turned her eyes to him.

"I hope we didn't take too long", like a little dog, hoping it did everything right, Spencer thought, the toxic ball in his stomach growing.

"You're right we should go", he said, sounding more determined than he had in a while only to find Harper walking to sit in the front with Morgan when they got to the car. He sat in the back, watching his friend pick on his girl.

"So, you're exited for the baby?", he asked with his silky-flirting-voice, now Spencer wished he had told Morgan that he had deeper feelings for Harper, his colleague would never be like that if he knew what it did to Spencer. And he wasn't even behaving that bad, it was just casual playing-around, just a nice, loosen-up conversation but it felt like someone was tap-dancing on the strings of Spencer's composure.

"I can't wait for her", Harper answered, unaware of the raging beast inside Spencer's chest that claimed her for itself, "has Spence told you it is going to be a girl?"

And it went on like that for the next fifteen minutes, they arrived no minute too late, one longer and Spencer would've lost it. When Harper stepped beside him to the sidewalk and Morgan drove off to park the car, like he always did when they drove to a bar, she smiled at Spencer as if nothing has happened. Quick-paced music already escaped the Pub and she linked arms with him.

"I love Halloween"

Right now, Spencer didn't.

Inside they weren't the only ones in costume and it was Harper who spotted Penelope, JJ and Emily on a corner table. Garcia was dressed up like a fairy, a bigger version of Tinkerbell but hundred times as endearing as she waved at them with her usual enthusiasm. JJ wasn't dressed up but for a little golden-metal crown and one of Penelope's pens that had these feathers on it, JJ apparently wanted to sell as a magic wand. Emily wore a cowboy-hat, a checkered blouse and as far as he could see, chaps also.

They stopped in front of the table and Harper waved.

"Guys, you remember Harper?", Spencer half-introduced her again, gesturing towards her and his female colleagues nodded and offered her a chair.

They immediately started jabbering, the four of them, fully engaged in a conversation and he sat next to them in silence, feeling stupid. Whenever he caught something he could comment on, they were already on to the next topic before he'd even taken a proper breath. Like a quackish pack of hens they babbled without stops, finishing each others sentences, at times laughing hysterically and always a bit too loud. Spencer shouldn't have been so annoyed that Harper got on so well with his friends but she was supposed to talk to him, not to them, this was _their_ Halloween, wasn't it?

When Morgan joined them, the women suddenly focused their attention back on the two of them, obviously feeling the need to be less girly around a man like Morgan.

A waitress dropped by, dressed up as a cleaner version of Amy Winehouse and asked them for their orders, Penelope had her obligatory fruit cocktail, Emily and Morgan had a beer, JJ a water as she was driving and didn't take beer as lightly as Morgan and when the waitress turned over to the last two, she looked shortly at Harper and then addressed Spencer.

"A beer for you and an orange juice for your girlfriend?"

"She's not my girlfriend", he said without thinking only because it was the one omnipresent thought on his mind.

Still, he immediately caught the change of the mood on the table. It went from frisky to frosty, as if a sudden chill had washed over them. The waitress retreated and when she returned with the drinks the awkwardness, though greatly attempted to suppress by the again-blabbering Garcia hadn't fully worn off. Spencer felt weird, not only because he had no idea why on earth he'd said that and also because Harper seemed very smiley all of the sudden. Her voice had changed to some sort of caricature to her normal one and she laughed different, louder and a bit over the top and although she appeared to be very relaxed, her one hand held on to the other so hard, her fingernails almost drew bloody lines on her skin.

After some time Morgan asked Penelope to dance and Harper, along with Emily over-happily to get away from him, decided to join them.

Spencer watched her, his features frozen into place as she let her full body sway gently to the beat.

"What's wrong, Spence?", JJ asked after some time when he hadn't seemed like taking any notice of his colleague.

"Nothing", he said, wobbling his head back to her while his eyes still rested on Harper.

"You know, she's never going to know how you feel about her if you never even try to show her", JJ said, ignoring his cagey reply.

"I show her alright", he said quietly, with a hint of spite, "I always do what she asks me to, I let her stay with me, I...I do everything for her"

"And I'm sure she knows _that_...but it doesn't mean that she knows _why_ you're doing it...I mean if you declare in front of us all that she is _not_ your girlfriend...where will she get her clues from?", she insisted.

Spencer couldn't answer. Sure she was right, as always, he didn't really show Harper exactly what he felt but it was...it was just that he didn't dare to. He woke up, horrified at night, when he dreamed of telling her all the things she was to him, shocked and in terror by her reaction. He just couldn't stand her rejection, that would be too much to cope with. Of course he was a coward but he couldn't muster the courage to tell her. Plus, like this, when she hadn't told him off already he could still travel into this little field of hope in his mind where she fell into his arms and kissed him back, because she loved him just as much.

He was just dwelling again in this lovely fantasy, when something caught his eye on the dance-floor that made him cringe. There was a guy twerking towards Harper, and she, as opposed to waving him off, danced along with him and as they were moving closer she smiled at him, over her shoulder, throwing her hair back seductively. If she'd only been friendly with Morgan, with this guy, it was definitely more than friendly, laughing now, shaking her hips just a little bit more. The roaring beast inside of him came back to life and demanded this guys head while his heart broke a bit more, looking at her enjoying herself without him but with this suave stranger with the slick and smooth moves. For heavens sake, she was carrying their daughter under her heart, didn't that mean anything at all to her?

_What the hell?_

Her face changed the second the guy put his hands on her hips, attempting to pull her towards him and she removed his hands only to have him grab again, this time for her butt, she turned around, bringing her hand up as in saying 'no' but he kept getting closer and that was when Spencer saw nothing but red. He didn't even notice that he'd gotten up but as he was lunging toward the guy he was only driven by his protection-instinct and, admittedly, blind jealousy and rage.

He stroke the guys nose straight in the center of his stupid face, the guy was so taken aback from the attack he stumbled backwards, but caught himself and then threw a punch at Spencer that hit. Spencer tumbled and felt a stinging pain around his lips and tasted iron on his tongue. Reflexively he went towards the guy but he wasn't there alone anymore. Before Spencer knew it, three guys were coming up to him and a second later, he felt a raw hand touching his elbow and pulling him back. The wide figure of Derek Morgan pushed itself in front of him.

"We're out of here", he said to both Spencer and Harper who stood paralyzed in the midst of dance floor, that had gotten still with spectators.

The way out of the bar and to Morgans car, Spencer hardly realized. Harper was walking even ahead of Morgan, many paces quicker than Spencer, who was too buffed out to hurry. He had never hit anyone in the face before and he'd never been hit in the face before. And this sudden rage was new too, it was like someone else had took hold of him, overcame him and made him act due to his lips pulsated with pain and he licked off some blood from them every once in a while.

The doors of Morgans SUV clicked with the remote-key and they got in in silence and drove in silence. Spencer felt like he was sitting under a cheese cover, cut away from the outside world and trapped in his head, processing what had just happened.

When they arrived at Spencer's house, Harper mumbled a short "Thank you" to Morgan and stormed out of the car like a hurricane, not caring to wait for Spencer. What was wrong with her now?

"Man, what was that about?", Morgan asked Spencer, whose eyes had followed her inside.

"This guy was harassing her", he said defensively, buffed out with both his and her reaction.

"Better get your ass in there and tell her that, so she knows", Spencer looked at him in question, "I heard her, she was handling the situation well on her own and that's when you ran in, playing Rambo...dude, if I could guess, I'd say you're in love with her"

Spencer left that one uncommented and got out of the car, heading for the door Harper had left standing open.

"Thanks man, for saving my ass", he heard Morgan behind him, yelling out of the car window, poorly imitating his voice.

"Thank you", he said without turning around.

The door to his apartment was as wide open as the entrance door and when he entered his living room he found Harper pacing up and down in front of the kitchen table.

"What the hell was that about?", she asked tense, almost hissing as soon as she was aware of his presence. She was angry. She was _really_, honestly angry. How could she be angry? He just tried to help her, only wanted to...rescue her...from this pervert.

"I got myself bleeding for you and you are angry?", he snapped because he didn't understand anything anymore and the physical pain in his face flowed to a little uncomfortable symphony with the psychic pain her anger caused him.

"I didn't ask you to come and play the hero", she said, louder than before, "I'm a big girl, I can handle myself"

"I saw that, the way he grabbed you", Spencer talked back, his voice raised without having planned it, "but maybe you had it coming the way you threw yourself onto him"

_Crack_. Her face. Like when he threw her out of his bedroom so long ago. Her features fell apart and anger turned into hurt and humiliation when her composure fell to pieces and her eyes glistened threateningly.

"I'm sorry", he said immediately, he'd gone to far, she didn't deserve this, he was just out of line. He made a step towards her but she hold her hands up, stopping and silencing him.

"So you're jealous", she sounded hysterical now, holding her tears back.

"I'm not jealous", he said, in panic to reveal himself tp her, not now, not when she was so angry.

"Then you have no right to do stuff like that", she almost shrieked now, he'd ever seen her so upset, "What do you care anyway? Since I'm obviously so disgusting that you have to make sure no one thinks we could actually be together...that you have to throw me out of your bed, that...you flinch back every time I touch you like I was poisonous...you know what, Spencer, you suck!"

"Harper...", he whispered perplex, his own soul falling to pieces as he saw her starting to cry, "I...I'm..."

"No", she interrupted him, her voice brittle, "I don't want to talk to you, you ruined everything...I don't...like you right now"

With that she turned around on her heel and the next thing Spencer heard was the slamming of her door and then her muffled sobbing.

Spencer Reid loved All Hallows Eve...but not today, because today he stood in his living room and had to accept that he didn't understand anything anymore and that he, proclaimed genius, knew absolutely nothing about anything that really mattered.

And Harper was crying into her sheets next door. How had that happened?


	15. Truth Be Told

**Author's Note:** Okay, so I think by now you noticed that I'm giving Spencer a couple of attributes that belong mostly to Matthew Gray Gubler, the way he presented them in a couple of interviews and on the Internet (see Kermit, Mary Poppins, the mismatched socks, though he also makes Spencer wear these on the show and in this chapter of course, his funny creature-drawings that I absolutely adore)...I know I might take a bit of the 'original' Spencer away by that but...I really do think, during the years, Matthew made Spencer a lot more like himself, especially with the clothes and the, let me call it 'swagger', I tried to incorporate that into the story a little because I have to admit...I happen to find Matthew even cooler than Spencer...I hope you don't mind =)

**Soundtrack:**.com/watch?v=fmyuRLFDobw (Bruises by Chairlift)

.com/watch?v=2ODoRHrFfe0 (when Spencer surprises Harper)

**9 Months**

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Truth Be Told**

-Month Six, Week One-

Harper had left the house before Spencer had woken up, he'd ate alone, drank his coffee alone and cleaned up alone. Usually Harper was around, danced around the kitchen, sang a merry tune or just told him about her plans for the day. Today she was gone and that was because Spencer had screwed up big time.

All the way to work he thought about her face, how she'd looked at him when he said that thing about throwing herself on the guy at the pub. And even more about what she'd said about him finding her disgusting, that was about the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard, how could she even think that?

The doors to the office flew open and he entered, quickly scanning the room for his most needed face at the moment. She wasn't with the others, Morgan and Emily watched some thing on Morgans cell phone and Spencer snook away before they'd spotted him. He would have to talk to Morgan about the night before but not at the moment, at the moment he desperately needed JJ's help. She always knew what to do, she would tell him how to fix things with Harper now.

He knocked at her office door but there was no reply, he tried again and shuffled his feet nervously, where was she?

"JJ has her day off", said a common voice from a little down the corridor. Hotch was coming towards him, wearing his steady unreadable and strict expression. Spencer had never seen anybody who seemed so intimidating so effortlessly.

"Are you okay, Reid?", he asked, probably not missing his haunted look.

"Yeah, I'm...uh...I'm fine", he said weakly, "uh...I...gotta see Garcia"

Garcia, yes, if JJ wasn't there...Penelope, she would understand, she had an eye for these things, hadn't she? Spencer hadn't thought that a girl would one day make him act like the clueless little kid they all took him for. When he stood in Penelope's open door, he fought with the words. He didn't like asking people for help and he'd never ever asked her for love advice before. Sure he could've asked Morgan, it wasn't so unusual to confide in him but Morgan didn't know the female point of view and as Harper's reaction spoke of nothing than some strange logic he didn't understand, Spencer was convinced that it was a woman-thing. And Emily...he could see her smirking at him already. No matter how much he liked her, he would never forget how surprised she'd been to hear that he actually had something like intercourse and that with a _woman_. No, Emily wasn't the right person to talk this over with. He cleared his throat to wake Penelope from her computer-trance.

She turned around with her chair and smiled when she saw him.

"Wiz-kid", she said happily, "what happened with you yesterday, I just saw you swoosh over the dance-floor and pow...some batman-action" She brought her hands up in some sort of karate-move and grinned, still the flicker of curiosity in her eyes.

"Uh, that's kind of what I came to talk to you about", he said quietly, biting his lip.

"Well then, don't linger in the doorway", she smiled, "sit down"

He grabbed a chair and sat opposite her and was for a moment fascinated by her weird up-do, she had twisted braids and some feathers in her hair, he wondered when she would have to get up in the mornings to fix up her hair like this all the time.

"Come on, spit", she said as he'd remained silent for a while.

"Uh", he started off weakly but he knew he had to go through with it now, "I lost it yesterday because I was...jealous of that guy hitting on Harper and I thought he was harassing her...I...overreacted"

She studied his features for a few heartbeats and then her eyes narrowed what made her look like his old college professor Fallon, who refused calculators and did every calculation by mental arithmetic.

"So you fell in love with her", she said finally, not asking him but setting the record straight. He simply nodded and waited if she had any comments on that but when she didn't he went on telling her what the problem was.

"When we got home, she was angry at me for interfering, she said she handled the situation alright on her own and...she said I was only being jealous and then I said I wasn't and...then I was just being stupid, mean even...", he paused because he didn't really want to get to the ugly part. He didn't want Garcia to hear that he'd said such a thing, she had a strong sense of justice, she was almost as obsessed as Hotch or Morgan and what Spencer had said to Harper hadn't been justified in any way, "I...told her that she deserved his behavior because she...threw herself onto him"

He dared to look at her after he finished and caught her skeptic expression but she kept her mouth shut, sensing that he wasn't finished yet.

"She...got really upset", he wiggled uncomfortably on his chair, reliving this wasn't funny at all, "and she sort of said that I found her disgusting...ah" He just shook his head and felt his features emerge to all sides, producing a picture of someone really and truly clueless. Garcia took a while before she spoke again.

"What exactly did she say to you?", she asked precisely that because she knew Spencer was the only one who could answer it _precisely_, having this sometimes very convenient and sometimes very disturbing eidetic memory of his.

"_What do you care anyway? Since I'm obviously so disgusting that you have to make sure no one thinks we could actually be together...that you have to throw me out of your bed, that...you flinch back every time I touch you like I was poisonous...you know what, Spencer, you suck!_", he repeated word for word what she had said to him, though muffling her last insult, making it almost inaudible.

"Dr. Spencer Reid", she looked at him very intensely, "please tell me you just made a joke"

"What? No...I", he got lost, what was this? The 'women-are-riddles'-weeks?

"Excuse me, what are they paying you for?", she asked, her face a big big question-mark, "I mean, you are a profiler, Reid, a _profiler_, your job is to analyze human behavior and that is...so obvious, I mean, _I_ can see it and I haven't even been present when it happened"

"What? No, I don't...I really don't see _it_", his voice was getting higher now and he looked around awkwardly, what had he missed? What did she want to tell him?

"God, for a genius you're pretty stupid", she called out and shook her head in disbelief and then her face changed to her lecture-face, something he had noticed on her mostly when talking to Morgan, mostly when he got hurt in the field and refused to get stitches, "well she was obviously hurt but the funny thing is, don't you agree, that she didn't directly refer to what you said about the guy, no, she spoke about how you apparently find her disgusting...which is the thing that really bothers her. Seriously, didn't you notice her reaction at all when you told that waitress yesterday that she wasn't your girlfriend? ...She fell apart, Reid, her whole body sunk in, her shoulders...they...went down, as if she was a balloon that has lost it's air and then she tried extra hard to have fun and be happy...she wanted to pay you back and when she danced with that guy...she was trying to _make _you jealous, she surely didn't expect you to react the way you did, that's probably why she got upset about it, plus the fact that you then denied you were jealous...that's when she freaked...I mean...don't you see it?"

The wheels in his mind started turning. It made sense in a weird way, Harper's over-the-top-laughing as if showing her happiness off, her over-played excitement as if it was a shield, the way she always touched him accidentally...or not so accidentally, if he thought about it again. _You flinch back every time I touch you_, he did, because it made him jump, because he caught fire every time. That_ you have to throw me out of your bed_...that sure wouldn't seem a lot like he liked her much...but he hadn't then, she had to know things were different now, no? It sort of all fell into place; she'd been acting weird sometimes, all the nervous giggles, the higher pitched voice each time she complimented him, the...the blushing. But -

"But she said we were best friends", he said like a child that tried to get his parents to say that they had just mixed a few things up when they told him Santa didn't exist, "that means, she's not interested, doesn't it?"

"Ah...stop stop stop", Garcia said patiently, "That depends on how she said it; If she said it...you know, sort of apologetically and very very firm and secure, it means 'Stay the hell away from my pants, you freak' but if she made it a question, waiting for you to comment on it, she was feeling you out...trying to see how you felt about her...and judged by your look I'd say she was type number two"

"But she said she is going to move out when the baby is there", Spencer was desperately trying to make sure that she was right, that every possible argument he found could be destroyed by the unbeatable Quantico-oracle, that he didn't get his hopes up for nothing, because if it could really be true...if Harper did really...

"Have you ever asked her to stay?", Penelope asked and Spencer remembered something JJ said the night before "_You know, she's never going to know how you feel about her if you never even try to show her_", he'd never shown her, now he saw it, each time he'd backed away from her, fearing she would find out, he signalized her that he wasn't interested, she'd seen his shyness as rebuffs, over and over again and he had indeed never asked her to stay with him, how did he even know that she didn't want to stay? He'd never asked!

"What am I supposed to do?", he asked, finally daring to believe that what Garcia implied was actually true.

"I have an idea, I guess", she said and once again an idea of his female colleagues was his hope of things finally working out with Harper, "give me her number, I'll have her around for tea and meanwhile you'll-", for the rest, she conspiratorially pushed her chair further to him and whispered her plan into his ear.

When he said goodbye to her, after having thanked her about a thousand times, he was held back by his doubts once again. It was just all too good to be true, he couldn't trust such superhuman luck.

"Penelope, what if...what if she...doesn't...?", he knew she knew what he was trying to say but she shut him up before he finished his stuttered insecurities.

"Trust me, I may not be a profiler, but I am a woman, and this girl", she pursed her lips and nodded poised, "this girl is head over heels in love with you, baby...now go...fly baby bird and get to work...you've got a nest to build"

Spencer Reid took the rest of the day off and went back to DC on a cloud, he just chose to believe Garcia now, what option did he have left, anyway? He could either get into fight over fight with Harper and hurt her and himself even more or he could once and for all make her see that he wanted her in his life and not just as a friend but as a partner and that forever, if possible.

Today he would come clean, he would tell her the truth. He would be a man for once in his life, no more coward-Spencer, if he could have himself beat-up, he thought as his tongue slid over the sore spot on his lip, he could dare to confess his love to her, it couldn't be worse, could it?

Yes, it could and he knew, but he wasn't going to back down, he would never do it if he didn't do it today and the plan was brilliant. It would just take a little time. He checked his watch, Harper would be with Chelsea, she'd written in a note on the refrigerator, until four pm and after that, Garcia would pick her up for a coffee for an hour or two, he'd overheard their conversation on the phone.

It was 10 am now, which left him seven to eight hours to work. He needed to be really quick but he could do it.

An hour and a half later he was back at home, carrying about six bags, a bunch of cut goods over his shoulder and a pot of lime-green wall-paint into Harper's bedroom.

With a lot of effort, he pushed his heavy desk into the living room, where he moved the TV-set to get the old desk to its new designated spot.

When the guys from the home-center came with the three packages two hours later, he'd already decomposed Harper's guest bed and put it away for good, removed her posters from the wall, only to put them back up in the kitchen and the living room, put the bookshelves in the middle of the room and done the capping to all furniture left in the room, naming the shelves, a reading armchair (he decided to keep it in there in case she wanted to breast-feed the baby and to read her stories) and also a small wooden dresser that Harper kept her clothes in.

The delivers put the packages into the living room and Spencer thanked them with a more than adequate tip and got back to work. He was in a good mood and he was perfectly in schedule.

The autumn sun shone brightly through the little window in Harper's room as he packed up her clothes, stumbling across her "My daddy is a genius"-T-shirt and for the first time, when he folded it back together, he saw that it said something else on the back: "...for finding Momma"

He laughed loudly and thought, if he'd been told back then, what would happen to him in just three short months, he couldn't have believed it.

Before he started to paint the walls, he put a CD in the rarely used stereo, one of Harpers, the one that lay on top of a mess of CD's he'd put on the desk, now situated beside the TV and pressed play.

"Bruises" by Chairlift played and the lyrics went something like: "I tried to do handstands for you, every time I fell on you, I'm permanently black and blue, permanently blue for you"

It must've been quite the way he'd made Harper feel, she who always tried and tried and tried so hard to make him smile, nudge him to have a little fun, to loosen up and ultimately, to get him to get his move on. He wouldn't let her fall again this time, no more bruises for Harper anymore, he'd catch her tonight if she wanted him to or not. It was the only way.

He masked the room at mid-height, once all around and painted the lower part with the lime-green, leaving the upper part white and when he was done, he let it dry while unpacking the new furniture.

The clock was moving impatiently as he fought with the instructions for the baby bed, obviously Swedish home-center-instructions didn't work so well for your everyday-genius.

But he finally managed to set it up, even with the little mobile, with the little teddy-figures hung right in place and when he build up the changing table and the crib, he got the sense that maybe, he'd been all his life missing out on Spencer, the builder. Maybe he was quite the handyman, even.

As far he could see, with the clock turning to three o'clock now, he was almost done and perfectly in schedule.

He daintily put the bordure onto the wall, it was printed with merry-go-rounds and big wheels and matched the figurine Spencer had drawn on the other wall, a jolly little creature, the way he sometimes drew them when he was bored. Though he made this one a little less creepy than they usually turned out.

When he was sure that the paint was dry enough, he put all the furniture into place, but Harper's pictures back on the little bedside table he'd taken from his room, hung the new curtains on the rail and Harper's old curtains on the windows in the living room and after he stuffed Harper's clothes in his dresser and all the baby clothes they had yet into the new baby dresser, he stood inside the room and was pleased with himself. It turned out pretty beautiful, a nice nursery, sure it wouldn't be large enough for a growing kid, a teenager even, but it was good for a baby, a toddler and as he imagined his little daughter playing on the baby blanket he'd dug up from the stuff his mother made him take when he left for DC and that now lay on the floor, when some falling leaves caught his eye.

Autumn leaves..._A name with a meaning. Something that means something to both of you...Autumn...they both loved autumn...they both loved..._

Autumn Reid, Autumn Celeste Reid, Autumn Diane Reid...he'd have to think about that second one...but he was sure Harper would like the first.

As on cue, his cell vibrated in his pants and next he had a briskly Garcia on the line, telling him she was waiting for Harper to come back from the restroom and would then, drive her home. He needed to get ready.

He made the last finishing touches on the room and then hurried to his bedroom to change into his best clothes, special means for a special occasion. He put on his black pants, a white collar shirt and a dark blue cardigan, finger-combed his grown-out hair and with a last mirror-check he went into the kitchen to pace back and forth, getting more nervous by the second while waiting for he woman of his dreams.

Garcia had somehow managed to walk Harper to the door, keeping her from opening it herself but ringing the doorbell so Spencer was warned.

He literally ran towards the door and threw it open only to find Harper's tight face, her lips pressed together, designed to show him that she was still angry with him.

"Harper, I'll never ask you for anything ever again and I know you're not in the mood to grant me any favors, because I know, I really know that I messed up but", he shot immediately not bothering to say 'Hi' to Penelope and for once trying to do her puppy eyes and that so hard he felt like they would pop out of the sockets, "please, close your eyes...I have a surprise"

He saw a short flicker in her eyes but then she regained control of her features again and returned to pouting, "I hate surprises", she said stubbornly.

"No you don't", he said quietly, "please Harper, please"

She kept her mouth a thin line when she tilted her head and looked at his face as if she x-rayed it.

"Fine", she breathed after a minute that seemed like three eternities to Spencer, "Bye Pen, thanks for the coffee"

She turned around and gave the blonde a short hug and said close to her ear "By the way, I know that you got your fingers knee deep in this"

Garcia just smiled and put both thumbs up and as she left, Spencer could've sworn he'd seen a small smile crossing Harpers face but she had it disappear quickly before she closed her eyes, sighing.

"This better be a good surprise", she huffed as she lay her fingers around his offering hand.

Now, he maneuvered a blind Harper through the living room instead of the other way around the day before and he was perfectly sure that she could hear his heart beating violently in his chest.

He was so nervous to see her reaction, he almost felt a bit like vomiting. He pushed the door to her room open and then heard her sniffing, she smelled the fresh paint and probably wondered where it came from.

"Okay...before you open your eyes", he held her in place next to him and looked down at her rosy cheeks, her perfectly shaped lips and wished so dearly, so insanely that Penelope was right about her, "I wanted to say I'm sorry...not only about yesterday but...about other things to. I haven't told you exactly what I wanted, what I...need and...if you open your eyes now, I hope you'll understand"

He thought he'd heard her holding her breath and as he starred at her, determined to analyze every single muscle-movement in her face he watched her, equally as breathless when she opened her eyes.

It was another little eternity that played in front of Spencer that moment; her eyes flew open and shortly after her mouth fell down, she gasped almost soundlessly and looked around the room, she stepped a step away from him, into the nursery and touched the edge of the baby-bed as if making sure it wasn't a hallucination.

"Harper", he said, because he knew he wouldn't go through with it if he didn't do it know, she was so high above him, his bravery would leave him soon in the face of this perfection...she turned around slowly, her features blank, a pokerface for her emotions, "I haven't told you the truth...I want to do that right now...see...I...I really don't want you to go when she's born...to be honest, I...don't want you to go...at all...ever"

She tilted her head but he could also see that her chest was going up and down heavier than before, she tortured him but now there was no way back for Spencer.

"I...I've fallen in love with you...I...I love you Harper Hillman", there it was, it was out there and he know noticed that he'd lowered his head, as if admitting something embarrassing because he had to look up now, to see her right. But then, it wasn't embarrassing anymore suddenly, no matter what she would say or do now, he wasn't ashamed of his feelings anymore. Now that he'd said it, he didn't see what he'd been so worried about. He loved the truth, had always sought the truth and demanded the truth and now speaking the one perfect truth he was absolutely sure of...it felt like breathing, he could've told her that he loved her for days and days just for the sensation of knowing so safely that it was right, sincere and honest.

He still wasn't breathing though, he now realized that only seconds had passed since he spoke these three words but time stretched out endlessly that moment...that moment her lips went up to a smile and she softly shook her head, as in surprise and, like slow-motion, closed the gap between them, taking three secure steps and then reaching out. It could've been days, weeks, years before she touched his face, put both her palms on his cheeks and looked at him with these incredible green-brown eyes, looking down to the bottom of his soul and then slower even, if that was possible, with fireworks of Asian standards going off in Spencer's chest, this ever shining light bursted to a glowing explosion, brightly inside of him. Every pain he'd ever felt was worth enduring to be granted this moment. Her face came yet closer to his, he could feel her breath and see her eyes glistening and -

Tender, soft and gentle her perfect lips touched his finally and he felt his heart stop in his chest. How could something of so solid matter, so many tight atoms, feel so soft? His lips were way too dry but he couldn't worry about that know as she pulled herself closer to him, kissing him once more, getting to the tips of her toes and he, finally flung his long arms around her, pulling her up, pulling her closer, giving his all to this moment, letting himself fall into it that felt so much more real than anything he'd ever felt before. This was the only real thing.

The biggest, most definite truth of all; he belonged right there, for the rest of his life, this second, he grasped fate as he grasped for every part of Harper that he could reach and as her kisses grew deeper and harder he felt like there was not enough room inside of him for all the happiness, all the luck that washed over him. Garcia had been right.

Between a gasp and a sigh that sent a shiver through all of Spencer's bones, she opened her mouth, her upper lip pushing between his, pushing it open, too.

"I love you, Spencer", she mumbled seconds before her tongue slipped into his mouth and she claimed him, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling herself even closer to him if that was at all possible.

Spencer felt like crying. All this time he'd been blind and desperate and it would've only taken so much, just the truth to find this sweetest piece of heaven right her on this earth that had showed him so many shadows it seemed impossible that he was completely drained in her light now. He kissed her back feverishly and it doomed on him that he only had so much self control left and Harper didn't seem to bother. He wanted to hold her forever like that, have this golden kiss until he died but there were other needs, other demands that his body had and as he grew against her, he wasn't able to conceal _that_ explicit truth anymore.

**Warning: **Next chapter, the rating will definitely go up to M...just so that you're prepared...;-P

oh...and I know...second chapter of today (tonight?) but I couldn't help myself...I was just as tired of them not getting it on as all of you were =)


	16. On Fire

**Author's Note:** WARNING!!! Lemons! Don't like, don't read, no weird business, I'm sticking to the characteristics of the figures but if you're under fourteen, I wouldn't recommend reading it! There's also a little fluff in the end that I couldn't help. - I hope you enjoy and keep the awesomeness (aka reviews) coming! Love to you all!

P.S.: I'm really sick today, so mind that I didn't have lots of energy to correct the mistakes, please forgive me!

A little treat for all the Spencer/Matthew fans, to make that up to you: .com/watch?v=cxWE5mVi4Sg

...listen to it...if that doesn't give you beautiful chills you're probably dead ;-P

**9 Months**

**Chapter Sixteen**

**On Fire**

-Month Six, Week One-

Slowly and at the same time forcefully, Harper let her hands move through Spencer's hair, grasping into it and pulling him closer to her as her kiss deepened. Spencer was surprised that, after a while he realized that he'd have to breath again for it seemed such a profanity in the face of her kiss, his biggest triumph and victory.

She'd said she loved him. There were thousands of questions in his mind, as to why she did and since when and how and why, why and of course why...but his mind hadn't much to say any more. It was like Spencer's body had taken control over every thing, thinking not with the brain but with the senses, the urges, the needs it had suddenly.

While one of Harper's hands found their way to his neck, scratching the part where you could feel his spine under the skin he felt like his erection would rip his pants apart and the way she kept wobbling on her toes, rubbing herself against his pelvis made it even worse.

"Harper", a much needed sigh escaped his mouth while she bit his bottom lip and he breathed for the first time in a while, expecting the oxygen to blow sense into him but it didn't.

When she started planting little baby kisses on his chin-line and later going down to his neck, which was, as he figured out just then, a very erogenous spot for him, he felt his hands move over her back on their own accord, pulling her shirt, holding it in his clasped fists.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this", she said and put a gentle peck on his Adam's apple before returning to his mouth, working her magic that made every hair on his body stay up electrified. It was like she was causing flames wherever she let her hand trail and where he'd collected these little burnings from the past; their dance in the summer heat, their fight with leaves in autumns course, now raged a full-scale conflagration, searing him, causing the sweetest pain of pleasure and desire. He would let her fire burn him, he was about to give every thing away, every last piece of sanity he held on to, but not quite yet. Not where they stood.

"Bed...bedroom", he mumbled, muffled from her kisses and she chuckled.

"I don't have", she kissed him mid-sentence, "a bed anymore"

"My bedroom", he said curtly, despising each word spoken because it meant seconds when their lips and tongues couldn't be entwined with each other, "_our_ bedroom"

She chuckled again and then he felt her hands moving away from his back and his hair and he would've protested if she hadn't brought them back to his chest, sinking her fingers into the fabric of his cardigan and pulling him to the direction of the door. He understood and followed her lead, releasing her out of his tight clasp so she could move. But she walked blindly, her eyes still closed and kissing him, she ran straight against the door-frame, hitting the back of her head.

"Ouch", she whispered and when her eyes flew open, looking like she was angry at the frame instead of herself, Spencer couldn't suppress the smile.

"You're really the clumsiest person on the face of the earth", he said softly, just inches away from her face.

"Not at everything", she said, looking up to him with her persuasive look, her incredibly long lashes and a spark that took his breath just as much as the touch of her hand now, where he needed it the most.

For a long and embarrassing moment he lost control of his features and just felt his mouth pop open, forming a silent 'oh', followed by a not so silent groan and a satisfied and, if he'd found the right word, lusty giggle from Harper which made it even harder to regain might over himself. He buried his head in her messy curly hair as her hand still rested on his steadily emerging hard-on. He had never in his life been so ready.

He hadn't been so ready when college-Lizzie had taken his virginity by the help of lots of snitched red wine and not when with his two-day girlfriend Millie right before he left to work for the BAU when he was twenty-two. She'd been a good friend for quite a while and he was pretty sure she took pity on him, wanting to prepare him for life in the big city. They'd had two dates, the first one resolving in a very awkward attempt at sex and the second in saying good-bye and her promise to call him, which she of course never did. He didn't mind at all right now.

But then another thought struck him that made him almost – but only _almost_ – numb to Harper's touch.

That had been _it_, concerning Spencer's expertise in sex; twice with two girls who'd never called him afterwards...and well a third time which he didn't remember. His old inhibitions came through again, the knowledge that he had no idea how to please a woman, what to do to her to make her...scream his name like he wanted, like he needed her to. He wanted to claim her, to own her but he could might've as well been a virgin for all he knew of how to do that. Suddenly she stopped touching him and brought her arm around his waist and pulled him towards her wide belly.

"What's wrong?", she whispered beside his ear, nudging his chin with hers, "You went stiff in all the wrong places"

Another of her nervous giggles later he'd mustered enough courage to mumble into her hair.

"I have no...idea", he confessed, "about the whole...sex-thing"

"My love you might not remember it, but you did a wonderful job last time", she whispered back and he could hear in her voice that she was blushing, "just do whatever comes to your mind with me"

Her whisper was even fainter and had gained an edge that had Spencer's length grow even further yet, she was surrendering herself to him, offering herself.

"Come on", she said silkily and took both his hands in hers, leading him through the door. Now, she miraculously found her way without her eyes that were glued to his. The way she took him in, it was almost more erotic than her reach to his private parts because it spoke of so much more.

Never the less, the second he, more reflexively than consciously, let his bedroom door clunk shut, his heart was beating up to his throat, drying it at once and he knew that panic flickered across his eyes, as pathetic as it was. He was a twenty-seven year old man, afraid of having sex with the woman he loved because he probably wouldn't be able to please her...and there was another thing.

It wasn't like it made him not wanting her but...it was strange to see her belly, know that...maybe their daughter would...notice something. It was weird to think about it but Harper kept pulling him towards his double-bed, that for the second time in its existence filled it's purpose of holding two people.

She reached out with her arm behind her, feeling the space for the edge of the bed and when she found it, sat down, grabbing his other hand, too and putting him in position.

"Don't move", she whispered and he barely caught it over the thumping blood behind his red ears. A second later he was on fire again.

Ever so slowly, so torturous, she maneuvered his shirt out of his pants, making the fabric brush over his groin and his loins and then she unbuttoned his cardigan and brought her arms over her head to let it slip down his arms. The left arm stuck at the height of his elbow and he wanted to pull it off but she stopped him in the movement.

"I said don't move", she repeated, firmer than before. Fine, let her take the lead, he thought, he wouldn't know how anyway.

Finally his cardigan was off him and she tossed it carelessly to the floor while continuing her work on his buttoned up shirt.

The first button was opened and she placed a kiss on the spot where she now revealed his skin below his nable. A second of oblivion followed and another and another when she kept opening his shirt, kissing him again and again. He was sure he would have blebs everywhere her perfect lips touched his ghostly pale skin. She'd reached a point when she had to get up but she rested bowed so that her belly wouldn't make them step away from each other, though when the last three buttons where to be made purposeless, they had to grant their baby a little room in between them.

Spencer had completely forgotten how to use his mouth for anything else than kissing and when she kissed up his neck, finding her way back to his lips and simultaneously took off his shirt, all he could manage was a moan. Having her hands conveniently down at his wrists, after letting the shirt fall to the ground, she moved on to his pants, unbuttoning, unzipping and giving them a push so they fell down.

He felt like he could breath again, his member only covered by his light boxers, so close to her hands. But she didn't touch _him_ again, she just put both hands on his hips and made them turn, as if they were dancing and then she made him sit down on the edge, towering over him. He held his breath when she knelt down below him and took his shoes and pants off.

"The socks stay on as they're good luck", she said and smirked before she pulled at his boxers.

He gasped and looked scared, exposed.

"I've seen you before", she said, "contrary to you I wasn't dead wasted when we did this before"

_She hadn't been...what?_

But his thought was ended by the sensation of fresh air and freedom. She got back to her feet again, her eyes resting on his erection but she...she didn't look repulsed or something only...pleased...as if it was _her_ work. It _was_ her work, he remembered in a sane second that only lasted so long before she started to remove her green jacket, that she still whore, her brown pullover and the t-shirt underneath, one they'd bought at Baby's Gadget, revealing her large bulge and a pink-ish bra with a little black lace. She didn't take that one off, instead she bowed down, her eyes finding their way back to his, nailing him to his place, and took her gray skirt and boots and tights off. She'd put one hand to his shoulder to keep her balanced as she did that and he could smell her scent and a little sweat but it didn't feel awkward, just sort of animalistic and somehow, it turned him on.

She stood up straight, in her non-matching underwear and stepped closer to him and he couldn't resist the temptation, he let his hand travel up her body, making her come down to him and her breasts were level with his head when he tried to fiddle around with the lock of her bra.

Of course he didn't manage to open it but the second before it would've been awkward she twirled her fingers around his and made it slip open.

He held his breath, he'd never been given so much time to look, to explore, to...get accustomed to those things. She let her bra fall down and he couldn't help but to stare. They were still perfect, like he remembered them from that horrible morning that seemed lifetimes away. If anything, they were even more beautiful now, round and firm.

Without thinking, purely acting on a whim, he leaned forward, just to try it, and kissed the soft flesh and felt her quiver under the touch. He kissed her again, this time longer and when her hand went back to his shoulder, grasping it, he became braver, starting to let just his tongue travel around, closer to her nipple and then, slowly – not to tease her but because he was nervous to do it – he carefully let his tongue make a circle around it before putting his whole mouth on top of it. Her fingernails dug into his skin and he could feel her breathing get harder. His other hand had made its way to her breasts and as he went on to the other one, he massaged the previous with his hand. He touched her ever so lightly, afraid to hurt her, his finger imitating the movements of his tongue on her other breast, just letting it stroke around her nipple and his palm slightly brushing it, when he kissed the other one.

He breathed in every note of her delicious perfume and the way her breathing deepened and sometimes stopped only to be revived with a moan, he was surprised that it was even possible feel more hunger for her. He wanted her. Now.

He paused with the kissing, and panting heavily, Harper understood. As in approval she brought her hip slightly forward and straightened her body while Spencer's hands slid down her body until he felt the straps of her panties between his fingers and gently let them fall. They hit soundlessly and she held her breath. For a second they stood in silence, both naked, both so vulnerable but in a weird way so at ease.

Spencer wasn't afraid anymore, this was Harper after all. He knew her in and out, she wouldn't make him feel stupid, she could never bare. That's why she'd always been so eager to keep him happy, because it broke her heart as much as it broke his when she saw the person she loved in pain. Because, just like he did with her, she mirrored his hurt and felt miserable when he wasn't smiling. He couldn't feel stupid around her, not around his best friend. No matter what would happen, it was alright, with her it would always be alright.

As for the baby under her heart...it was still a bit strange but it was too late to change his mind now, he needed her now. He needed to be _inside_ of her, have her all over him, uniting physically the way they already had mentally.

He looked up to her, making sure to not find any doubt in her eyes and he was rewarded but, for once, she wasn't smiling. Her expression was serious, maybe even a little solemn as she made him sit further back on the bed, so his knees where in line with the edge and sat on top of him, one leg kneeling on each side of his legs. Their eyes still locked, she lowered her body and he could feel the heat radiating from her core. She put her hand back on his shoulder, securing herself and then the other one reached beneath her, taking his manhood into her tiny palm.

He suck in a deep breath and bit his lip, seeing her chest go up in exhilaration and then...so slowly it almost hurt, so tormentingly slow it felt like he was going to burst into a million little pieces, she moved him to her entrance and ever so tortuously moved down - and up - and down again.

She watched him intensely as she did and she adored him with a breathless moan as his jaw fell with the sensation. His arms clasped around her as she started rocking rhythmically, up and down, first so slow, then quicker and harder until she'd increased the tempo so much she just threw herself around him every single time with such force if felt like Spencer's eyes would pop out with lust.

The feeling wasn't comparable to what he'd felt before, this was perfect ecstasy, at the same time more at ease than dilaudid could have ever made him and then again so alive, so energetic he felt like flying, like going up as a rocket.

He had no idea of time and space anymore, it all flew out of the window as they were one, one breathing, gasping, moaning being, so natural it could never be wrong. They went on forever, though he didn't know the minutes, the hours, the days maybe, he knew it felt like forever to him and he didn't want it to stop. This was perfection, transcendence, magic.

"Spencer", Harper groaned suddenly, leaning in for a passionate kiss, "oh my god"

He couldn't manage a proper kiss anymore, his lips just stayed open, thumping against hers as they both, digging their fingernails into each others backs moved in unison and then he felt her, well not her exactly but...her core tighten around his erection and her moan that followed, that sounded hardly human anymore sent him over the edge; he exploded, his orgasm washed over him and he was all fireworks, making a sound himself, he'd never heard leaving his throat, sort of tumbling, sort of coughing but not exactly.

"Uh-orngh", and a long breath and then they came to a rest, her head falling down to his shoulder, her still ragged breath hitting his sweaty chest.

"So good you can't get pregnant when you're _already_ pregnant", she whispered and he heard the smile along with it and stroked her back softly, "see...it's not hard to do, no magic"

"Are you kidding me?", his voice was high as he leaned back, making her lift her head and look at him, "that was the most magical thing I ever ever experienced...and I'm from Vegas"

She laughed and the movement, as he was still buried inside of her, aroused him again. It was only a couple of seconds until they were on for round two.

--

"I thought Chelsea had just made that up", Harper mumbled when it was already dark outside and her head lay on Spencer's chest, tucked under the blanket with him, "that you could have three of those in a row"

"Three of what?", asked Spencer, secretly convinced that he was the luckiest guy in the whole entire universe.

"Orgasms", she said bluntly but he knew she was blushing, no matter how much she enjoyed sex, all this time she'd had this sheepish expression, that really, there was a small part inside of her that was timid about it.

"Uh", he really had no idea what else to say to that and he tried to silence the smug, triumphant voice in his head, applauding him for turning out a natural at the whole iintercourse-thing. Who would have thought?

Her fingers made little circles on his chest and she fell silent, obviously in thought.

"You know", she said just before Spencer would've made a stupid joke to fill the pause, "I meant it, when I said I love you"

"I meant it, too", he said trying to see her face in the dimming light because she sounded a bit bothered.

"Did you?", she asked as if desperate for reassurement and her motions had stopped completely as she, now, looked back at him.

"Of course", he insisted emphatically, "why do you even ask?"

"I don't know", she muttered sheepishly, "I wasn't sure...I was...I felt so stupid all the time for even thinking you could...I mean, there you are, you...you are so intelligent and you can see through me like I'm made of Plexiglas and...you safe peoples lives all the time...you're a hero and...I'm...I am just that naïve little, immature kid that knows nothing but makes up for it with being annoying...I mean..I feared you were only nice to me because you pitied me or because you felt like you needed to with the baby and all...I didn't think you could actually fall in love with someone like me"

Momentarily, he moved away from her, eying her like she'd went completely nuts all of the sudden.

"Are you serious?", he asked baffled, "what?...How? How can you even think of yourself this way? You...oh my god, Harper, that's what you thought I thought of you?"

She sort of nodded but looked uneasy confronted with his disapproving expression.

"No", he almost called out, "I...Harper...I can't even begin to tell you _what_ I thought, what I still think of you and now more than ever...although I'm starting to doubt your self-reflecting abilities...you are...in...every possible way...absolutely perfect to me, you're so caring and loving, considerate, funny and above all, Harper you are not, so not stupid. You see so much more than I do...you're..."

He was lost of words and really hoped that he'd got it across, he couldn't stand if she thought he didn't adore and worship her as much as he did. It seemed even incredible that she, _she_, this masterpiece of a woman, this perfect being saw herself in any way inferior to someone so painfully incomplete and damaged as Spencer, not to mention her breathtaking beauty, that struck him again the way she lay there, watching him now, her features easing up and then he remembered something.

"You said...you hadn't been drunk", he said cautiously because he needed to know, "the...first time...around"

"No", she replied immediately, "I mean, I did have a bit too much but...I remember every second of it and I...I decided to do it with a straight head...you know, I don't do stuff like that usually, in fact...this had been the first one night stand I ever had and...well I went with you because I was...actually quite smitten...I thought we would maybe start dating...if you'd be able to look over the fact that I couldn't hold a candle to you...but..."

_But then I happened to be a massive asshole_.

He wanted to say something, apologize for the one-zillionth time, but she went on.

"I was actually pretty heartbroken", she looked down on his pearl white chest, "I really liked you...well, to be perfectly honest...I had an epic crush on you and it killed me that you didn't like me at first because I really needed you, I'd have been completely lost without you and I tried my all to make that change, that you hated me, that is...I...worked really hard to make you see...like a mad woman...I guess what I'm really trying to say is...well...I loved you all along, I guess"

Spencer couldn't believe it, but then again, lots of things she did made sense if you looked at them under that light. He really was a miserable profiler that he hadn't been able to tell. Obviously Harper was wrong thinking he could see through her so easily.

But again, the sunshine in his chest lit up the room for him.

"I started to fall in love the second you made me see sense", he told her, not so much to own up, but because he wanted her to know.

She took her time to just look at him and they shared a moment of pathetically dreamy gazes into each others eyes. Like the people in the movies, Spencer thought, for a while unable to believe that this was actually happening to him of all people, that he overnight, had turned up with a family, an actual real family.

"I've been thinking Autumn", he said suddenly, with the image of Harper and the red-headed baby popping up again.

"What?", she asked and looked puzzled.

"For her", he brought his hand from behind his head and lay it on her belly, "Autumn...because we both love autumn"

"Yes", she smiled and lay her hand on top of his, "I like that...what do you think, huh? Baby? How about Autumn? Autumn Reid...Ah...I think she likes it, don't you think, Spencer?"

"I think she does", he said under his breath, six octaves higher than before, as he felt a little nudge from inside Harper's womb. She'd kicked, Autumn kicked!

That second Harper turned her face back to him and kissed him forcefully, setting him on fire yet again.

--

**Question at the end:** How do you guys like the name? I thought it was cute as it really meant something to them...Autumn...I really like it ;)...how about you?


	17. Developments

**Soundtrack: **.com/watch?v=qjes-jLPLic&NR=1 (on Harper generally)

.com/watch?v=Gu1q17rUkVU (Waterloo...yay, ABBA!!)

**Author's Note: **Dude, 95 reviews...you guys blow my mind...do you think we can go a hundred?? That would make my entire week! Love to you all!

I do know this is sort of a filler chapter where nothing really happens but there will be some important things up as you can tell...plus...there's just 4-3 months left to go for Harper and then we'll have a baby...that should be fun 3

**9 Months**

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Developments**

-Month Six, Week One-

Gazing at Harper from across the table, Spencer damned once again the fact that he had to be leaving for work in a minute. He just wanted to stay right there with her forever, stare at her, take her in the way she read the paper, furrowing her brow and stroking her belly absentmindedly.

"Stop starring at me", she said but a faint twitch of the corners of her mouth gave the joke behind her strict features away.

"Sorry", he replied happily, "can't help it"

She smiled and the morning seemed a bit brighter as she reached out her hand and took his, that lay on the table.

"How are you feeling?", she asked out of the blue and Spencer was a bit unsure what to answer.

"I...uh...I haven't had mornings like this before", he said eventually, "I like it, it...makes me happy, I'm really happy today. How are you feeling? How's the baby?"

"Autumn's fine and I...well...I still wonder why my heart is still beating", she rolled her eyes but Spencer looked puzzled, "because it beat a lot harder than it's used to lately"

He looked satisfied with that answer and when she got up to re-fell her coffee-cup, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him, on his lap. She sat down on him and he had to admit that, by now, she probably was a bit heavier than him but he didn't mind at all with her hair in his face as she turned around to kiss him.

It still blew his mind, whenever their lips met it was fireworks all over again and he had to fight a next wave of arousal when the kiss deepened.

"You need to go to work", she mumbled into his lips and tried to break free from his grip.

With a mourning sigh he let her go and reluctantly got his bag and coat before pecking her shortly and heading for the door.

"Be safe", she called after him, "love you"

"_I love you_", he called from the corridor, emphasizing every word, the only reason he could bare leaving the apartment was knowing that he'd have her back in a couple of hours. A giant smile was planted on his face at this thought. Having her back, back in his arms, wrapped around him, her...

He really had to be careful with this mind of his, he was also threatened with an inconvenient erection that he had to hide from the other people that had no idea what he remembered from the sweet and silky night before, though it was too good to not be remembered thoroughly.

Still grinning he entered the BAU, feeling light as never before, he doubted that anything could touch him today, crime and horror would just bounce of off his shield of dull happiness and bliss.

He'd just only approached his desk when he heard the raspy base of his colleague Derek Morgan, who sat casually on his workplace, a neighboring desk to Spencer's.

"You", he said piercing him with his profiler-stare, narrowing his eyes, running them up and down his face, studying his features as if he could read his mind by it, "what are you grinning for?"

"I'm not grinning", Spencer replied curtly but the stupid smirk wouldn't leave his face, flickering his eyes, he saw Emily, who held the desk opposite to his watch him in an interest similar to Morgans.

"No, not this time, chap", Morgan shook his head, "you look like someone who got lucky last night"

"Did you?", Emily asked bluntly as if she couldn't believe it.

"Top Secret", Spencer shrugged, should they think whatever they wanted.

"No, kid", Morgan was unshakable and he had his teeth in it like a hungry shark, "you owe me an explanation, remember that I saved your ass on Halloween, was that punch you took at least worth it?"

Spencer let his tongue trail over the still sore spot, not once during the last night did he notice any sort of pain on his lips, only heaven washing over them, each time they met hers. Morgan was right in a way but Spencer wasn't the one to brag about his finally established sex-life, so he just looked at his friend once, pursed his lips, then took a long, deep breath, scratched his neck and, looking up, he nodded ever and ever so slightly.

"We're together now", he said, to set it straight right away, no more one night business, no, from now on, things were serious.

Spencer would've expected Morgan to say something obnoxious but instead, he just smiled at Spencer and took a few beats before speaking again.

"Good for you", he said, "good luck"

"Thanks", Spencer was a bit confused by this unanticipated reaction only to be topped by Emily's.

"Really, I shouldn't be surprised", she smiled and he knew that she was, through the joke, apologizing for her tone earlier on, "when we first met her, back at that bar...she couldn't stop starring at you"

"Really?", Spencer flickered back to Emily, okay, Harper had told him that she'd like his back then...but stared at him? Really?

"Yeah", she nodded, "good luck from me too"

"Good luck with what?", it was JJ who'd stepped behind Spencer without his aware of her presence, he jumped now when she spoke.

"Our young friend here got lucky with his baby momma", there it was, Morgan could only stay serious for so long, the world was back in order. Well, despite the fact that Spencer Reid actually had a girlfriend.

"You and Harper?", she practically squealed, "you're dating?"

"Finally", said Emily but Spencer barely heard because JJ threw herself around him, giving him a too tight hug.

"I'm so happy for you", she cheered beside his ear, "I knew she was crazy about you"

"How did _you_ know?", Spencer asked slightly puzzled when they broke apart.

"The way she looked at you when you were holding Henry, remember?", JJ smiled genuinely, "that was the look of someone who pictured the object of focus as a future husband...don't blame yourself, that's a women's thing...for women to recognize, but, apparently you were also missing a couple of subtle hints. Each time she shuffled her feet, she leaned towards you again, always keeping her arms open, not locked, always inviting you, sort of and her head was always shifted to your direction...all body language"

"And then, how am I the profiler?", Spencer said with a silent sigh, starting to wonder if he was the last one to realize how Harper felt about him.

"Hey, princess, come over here", Morgan called that second, all the way across the office to the volumptious figure that had just appeared on the gallery, "our junior has news"

"It worked?", she immediately understood and spoke directly to Spencer.

"Perfectly", he answered and enjoyed the moment of confusion amongst his team-mates.

"How are you involved?", Emily asked, always wanting to be in the know of everything.

"Just gave him a tiny little nudge into the right direction", Penelope said when she'd reached her friends and patted Spencer's back, "and I take it, he's followed my advice just right...of course I knew a little before he did that it wouldn't fail"

Spencer looked down at the blonde woman with her colorful clothes, always a bright spot in the grayish and serious headquarters. All these things they were telling him now that would've been incredibly useful earlier.

"I took her out for coffee so he could prepare a surprise and we talked...I...interrogated her a little and then she told that she loved you but she made me promise to not tell you", she grinned and seemed perfectly happy with her match-work.

"What's this irregular meeting?", said Rossi from behind, closely followed by Aaron Hotchner, different from his usual appearance, not carrying a case file. Spencer's heart jumped in approval, there seemed to be no case-call around so he could stay with Harper in DC for a while longer.

"Reid just spread the news that he is finally been spoken for", declared Penelope, her approval wearing of on everyone else.

Rossi simply grinned along and even Hotch's face was shortly lit by a smile, "Finally"

They all stood around him, with happy faces, wishing him luck and Spencer thought it was the most outrageous thing that they were practically celebrating his loss of single-status as he'd maybe expected him to celebrate the news about Autumn.

--

After a long day of paper work, that stretched to eternity even more because he was constantly thinking about Harper and how she was only forty-five minutes away from him but was out of reach as he couldn't just leave work like that, he was happy as a clam when he finally entered his apartment building.

Because his apartment was on the first floor, he already heard the music playing when he pushed the key into the lock. He was sure that his sound-system was the origin of the noise and wanted to turn it off before any neighbors got annoyed, but when he'd hurried inside he found Harper completely oblivious to his appearance, dancing around the kitchen and singing along with the music with all her heart.

She was throwing her hips from one side to the other, snapping her fingers and shaking her curly hair around, randomly putting one spice or the other into the pot on the cooker, spinning on her heels and singing even louder, even along with the piano-parts.

"Waterloo", she sang from the top of her lungs, "I was defeat and you won the war, Waterloo, promise to love you forevermore, Waterloo, couldn't escape if I wanted to, Waterloo, knowing my fate is to be with you"

It was a song of ABBA, Spencer recalled but he pushed away the facts about the Swedish group that crept to his mind, completely focusing on the way she moved, so happy, carefree and enthusiastic. He wanted to remember every second of it, wanted it to burn itself into the sinuosities of his brain so that he could replay it to himself whenever the darkness threatened to take control of him. She seemed like a ball of bright light to him, like that, she would fight of every shadow that ever came to close to Spencer's mind.

But then, far too early, she spun around another time and spotted him, glancing at her. She stopped immediately and looked caught and embarrassed.

"How long have you been standing there?", she said, her voice raised to be louder than the music.

"Since the second chorus", he smiled and walked towards her and when he reached her, lifted her chin up as she'd lowered her head in shame, "I loved it"

He'd just whispered in her ear but just the moment the song had stopped so it sounded really loud and he had to chuckle.

"Yeah, that's why you laugh", she said and pursed her lips, gently hitting his chest with her clutched fist.

"No", he insisted, "I didn't laugh about you, I really found it very...sexy"

They locked their gazes once over and a while later...Spencer's kitchen had witnessed it's first miss-use as a bedroom.

At dinner though, Harper didn't look so at ease any more. Precisely that was after she'd excused herself to catch a phone call. She returned from Autumns nursery, where she'd went reflexively pale as a sheet.

"What's wrong?", Spencer asked her right away, not at all enjoying her twisted features, "What happened?"

She sat back down at the table and looked glum. Before she answered, she lowered her spoon into the soup but didn't eat it, just swirled it around once.

"That was my Mom", she said, sounding anything than twenty-six, "She wants me to come home for Thanksgiving"

Spencer looked at her for a moment, considering.

"So, you want to go?", he didn't inflict any meaning in that, wanting her to make up her own mind.

"I think I have to", she sighed, "I mean, I can't put this off forever...I don't want to wait until she's here, you know and soon, I won't be clear to fly anymore...I think I just might have to"

There was something that annoyed him about this.

"Am I not coming with you?", he asked, furrowing his brow, "you always say 'I' instead of 'we'"

"I wasn't sure if you...wanted to", she said sheepishly, obviously sorry.

"Of course I do, I'm coming with you", he said, taking her hand firmly into his, "we'll tell them together, your family and mine"

He looked content and reassuring but inside him, it had started to rumble, he didn't want to meet Adrian and...to be honest he had no idea how to tell his mother, especially after having mentioned nothing of Harper or Autumn in his daily letters.

-Month Seven, Week One-

Harper clenched her fingers into her armrest on the right side and into Spencer's hand on the left. The plane was quite large for a cheap airline but stuffed with people and as the engine started, Harper let out a gasp of horror.

"I hate flying", she mumbled for the zillionth time but Spencer still wasn't annoyed, only concerned about her.

"You'll be fine", he whispered once again, "calculated by distance, planes are 62 times safer than cars and trucks"

"Yeah and calculated by journey, planes are three times more dangerous than cars", she shot her own statistic at him and eyed him challengingly, "I've been to that website as well"

"Harper", he tried to make his voice as soothingly as possible, "I'm with you"

"I know", she said like a child, "but I'm still afraid and Autumn doesn't like it either, she hasn't kicked me since we left the house"

"'Cause she's worried about you, because your heart rate's increasing steadily since we left the house", he imitated her tone for the last part, trying to lighten her mood.

"Just shut up and hold my hand, okay", she breathed, once again, like frequently lately, her hormones were coming through, making her a little snappy.

"I fly all the time and nothing has happened to me yet", he tried one last time.

"And guess how worried I am about you every single time?", she snapped again and then breathed out, to calm herself down, "sorry, Spence, I know I'm being difficult"

"It's okay", he kissed her softly, "just try to sleep through it, okay?"

She closed her eyes as he'd proposed only to rip them open again, when the plane started to roll to position on the field and by the time it accelerated to lift off, Spencer thought that she would definitely crash his hand to pieces.

He loved her none the less. He believed by now that he could never love her any less, that he could only love her even more. Since they've started their relationship, which was about a month, well, three weeks, two days, 19 hours and twenty-three minutes to be accurate, he'd only felt closer and closer to her and not just because of the fact that sex was now a part of their friendship. They shared so much more now, a level of intimacy he'd never had with any one before. Most of all she always made sure he knew how much she loved him, how much she needed and appreciated him, even though she sometimes went a bit nuts on him with her mood-swings lately, but she claimed that to be Autumn's fault.

When they woke up together, he couldn't believe she was there and when they went to go shopping or eat out, he knew every guy in the room wanted to swap places with him because she was always the most beautiful woman around for miles and miles and miles. He spent hours just starring at her, still shocked at his own unreal luck. She was the best thing that could ever have happened to him, the light of his life, his refuge and his shelter, his sanity most importantly. On the two cases the team had worked in between, two sick ones in a row, her image, dancing to that ABBA song had saved him nightmares and horror-visions, it had steadied him in face of the the investigation and made him better at his job, more balanced, more focused, more secure. It's like she gave him the roots he'd always needed, strong, steady roots to rely on and wind of support to carry his wings. She was home. In every way, more than the city they were headed now could ever be. Home, from now on, wouldn't be Las Vegas or Washington anymore, home would be where Harper was for now and probably forever.

She now slowly released his hands as they where up in the air for a little while and hadn't died yet. She turned her head to him, who had his eyes still locked on her features and watched them soften steadily.

"You're perfect, you know that?", she said, "But I'm still scared of what they'll think"

He knew what she meant, she was afraid that her parents wouldn't take their surprise well. Even if a month had passed since her mother had invited them and Harper had told her that she would bring her new boyfriend, she hadn't been able to tell her mother on the phone about the fact that she, not her settled brother, would make her a Grandma to the third grandchild of the family.

"It'll be alright", Spencer said although he was worried himself, mostly about how his own mother would take it though. Though that would have to wait, first thing after they landed they'd drive up to Harper's parents house and reveal the truth to them.

--

The hours basically flew past them and it was sooner than anticipated that the cab door opened and released Harper and Spencer to the Vegas burning sun and dry desert air. Harper's parents lived in a quiet neighborhood in the suburban area, just a few blocks away to where Spencer lived as a child prodigy with his family falling apart. It was a respectable family house, nothing fancy but firm bricks and security. He wondered if they knew what doomed on them and how they would react.

Harper payed the cab driver and took their bags out of the trunk and as the car drove of, she threw Spencer his light bag and stood unmoving, staring at the house.

He brought his hand out, reaching out for her to take it and reluctantly she did, ever so slowly, pulling her trolley suit-case behind her, grasping his hand and starring at the white wooden front door.

As they stood before it and the doorbell resounded from inside, he felt her tighten her clasp on his hand and she moved closer to him while letting go of the suitcase and bringing her hand up to her belly. You could hear footsteps behind the door and Spencer heard Harper hold her breath and felt his own ragged, that would sure be one hell of a first impression.

Then, a 'click', a whiff of air and before them stood a middle-aged woman, slender and petite and her face went, in only a third of a second from exited to perplex, to frowning, to checking and to falling apart. She looked like she'd just witnessed Kennedy get shot, starring down at Harpers huge baby belly in utter fascination.

"Surprise", said Harper in her high-voice and along with her nervous giggle followed the witless expression of her mother and the distinct feeling of Spencer that they were in trouble.


	18. Sticking Out

**Author's Note: **Hello my friends...so...I'm sorry for not updating in a couple days but we had carnival around her, which is about one of my favorite times of the year...it's like Halloween, only that it takes four days instead of just one (YAY!!) and I had to play dress-up and go to parties. (Side Note: I've been Cruella de Vil and Amy Winehouse this year...not in one, of course, separately but still...good times!)

So this is the next chapter...I think it's kind of lame and I know it's too short, I hope you forgive me, I find it hard to go through this one...I'm more comfortable when they're in Washington writing stuff...I have no idea why...I could use advice to improve the storyline in Vegas as I'm pretty lost as it is here.

So if you have any ideas or suggestions...I'd love to hear them. I promise the story will get better when they're back home...also as we're steadily approaching the end..and by end I of course mean the birth of Autumn Reid and that will be good (hopefully). I, at least, can't wait to write it, already.

Never the less, I hope you can enjoy this at least a bit. Forgive me for the lame-ness, please...

P.S.: My cold is getting better, I still can't sing right but it's getting there, thank you for everyone who wished me betterment =)

I love you all!

oh...another P.S.: It could be that I'll have other short Hiatuses on this (I'm talking days not months or years here) because I'm graduating this year and responsible for our yearbook so that takes a bit of effort as you can imagine plus I'm auditioning for acting school in about two weeks so I also need to learn lines. Real life can be a sucker, right?...I hope you understand and stay faithful to my story none the less. Thank you!

**9 Months**

**Chapter Eighteen**

**Sticking Out**

-Month Seven, Week One-

"Harper", Mrs. Hillman couldn't say much more than that as she kept starring at her daughters womb.

"Hey Mom", she said sheepishly, squeezing Spencer's hand even tighter than before.

The woman retreated a few steps, to make way for both of them but her face didn't show a hint of welcome, it was still possessed by wonder and shock.

Harper ducked away from her slightly as she pulled both Spencer and her suitcase, equally as reluctant, into the house. She led him to the living room where it already smelled like turkey and mashed potatoes, obviously Hillman-family was a traditional one.

Muffled footsteps followed the two inside and Mrs. Hillman passed them wordlessly on her way to the kitchen and returned seconds later with a glass of Sherry. Harper stood in the other corner of the room, petrified, looking like a child expecting a lecture for breaking something valuable.

"That's news", said Mrs. Hillman suddenly and let herself fall into the nearby couch, taking a large sip of her liquor.

Spencer heard Harper breath out a sigh of relief, happy that her mother had neither an angry fit nor a heart-attack.

"I didn't want to tell you over the phone", she said quietly, daring to look at her mother, her hand though, reaching out behind her to find Spencer's again.

"But you've had plenty of time to tell me in person, as I see", the mother replied with a firm and strict note to her voice, "I mean, how far are you? Third trimester?"

"As for a week, seventh month, Mom", Harper answered uneasy, "Look, I'm really sorry I didn't tell you but...well, it was kind of a...new thing to get my head around, I needed to get accustomed to it myself"

"How is this even possible?", asked her mother now, as if this new thought had just struck her, "I thought you couldn't have..."

"I know", a smile crossed Harpers face and Spencer felt a little more at ease, "it's a miracle, she's a miracle"

Mrs. Hillman looked up to her daughter and her face as well lit up, her irritation wearing off steadily.

"She?...You're having a girl?", she raised up and took a few hesitant steps toward Harper, her eyes locked on the belly.

"Yes", Harper smiled for real now, "we're naming her Autumn"

"Can I?", the woman said as she stood a few steps away from her, bringing her hand level with the belly, asking permission to touch it. Harper nodded and Mrs: Hillman let out a soft squeal.

"Hello Autumn", she said in a high-voice that sounded exactly like Harper's high-voice, "I'm your Granny Adriana, hello"

At that Harper coughed shortly and tears sprung to her eyes, she let go of Spencer's hand and when she talked her voice was raspy.

"You're not mad at me?", she breathed.

"No, my darling", her mother said immediately, taking her into her embrace, "of course not, I know how sad you were that you couldn't have your own children, I'm very happy for you"

Spencer, as well breathed in deeply with relief, Harper must've felt so much better now and that made him happy. He watched mother and daughter break apart and smile at each other and was so lost in the motions of Harpers face that he jumped when she said his name.

"This is Spencer, Dr. Spencer Reid" she said and took his head again, "Do you remember him? He lived just around the block, he went to our High School, he was the..."

"...the genius in Adrian's class", her mother finished, "of course I remember, you're Diane's son...how could I forget, you were a prodigy, a little celebrity around here"

Spencer nodded politely and they shook hands while he wondered if she knew what Adrian had done to him all these years ago.

"So you're a doctor now?", she asked, "So you can look after Harper's health?"

"Uh...I'm not that kind of doctor, I've got PhDs in Physics, Mathematics and Engineering", he said and hoped that wouldn't be too much of a let-down.

"But he works for the FBI, Mom, Behavioral Analysis Unit", Harper said and smiled up at him proudly, "He saves lives, just in another way"

Spencer felt his cheeks blush at her compliment and admiration, bringing his arm around her waist and squeezing her gently.

Mrs. Hillman looked at him up and down, studying his features and the picture the two of them made.

"Now, when are you getting married?", she asked suddenly without the hint of irony in her voice which caused Spencer to cough and Harper to shove her feet uneasily.

"We haven't made any plans on that yet, Mom", Harper admitted, biting her bottom lip, "we're happy the way it is, we don't need to get..."

Spencer's girlfriend was shut up by the grudge-look on her mothers face and pushed her body closer to his.

"We'll talk about this later", she declared with one firm nod, telling clearly that this would be talked about throughly but then she smiled the biggest smile, back in host-mode, looking like these women in the detergent-commercials, "But let's sit down now, how about a cup of coffee?"

They had coffee for a bit more than an hour, during which Spencer said about four words, naming: "Thank you" and "Very good" because the rest of the time Harper and Adriana Hillman were gossiping about the latest changes in Vegas, talking about how the pregnancy went and they also made a list of things Harper still needed for the baby and Adriana would send over, so they'd arrive before Autumn was born.

Their little chat was only then abandoned when they heard the door open and two sets of footsteps came towards them. Spencer held his breath because he had a faint idea what was coming; Adrian. The golden boy of Hillman family and the person he least wanted to meet again on earth. And, as often with his predictions, he was right; a second after, an elderly man and a buff, brown-haired guy entered the kitchen and stood, like their wife and mother before, shocked and petrified, starring at Harpers large belly and her companion, though he'd been – other than Autumn – announced to be there.

"Hey Dad, Adrian", Harper smiled at them with her winning smile, as if nothing had happened and blinked several times with her long lashes and puppy eyes. Obviously she'd decided to use the Lolita-strategy with the men of her family.

"There's news", she said briskly, "as you can see...this", she touched her belly, "is Autumn and this", she touched Spencer's hand, "is her father, my boyfriend, Spencer Reid...you maybe remember him from..."

"No way", it was Adrian who spoke but surprisingly his voice didn't hold an unbelieving mockery tone but sincere excitement, "Spencer Reid, I don't believe it, how long's it been?"

He lunged away from his fathers side and grabbed Spencer's hand as if nothing had ever happened, as if they were old friends. Spencer had to pull everything inside of him tightly together, to not crash his coffee-mug on his head, the hypocrite-bastard. How could he pretend to be old time buddies after what he'd done? What was he even thinking?

"Honey", it was the first time Harper ever used a nickname on him and it startled him so much he let go of Adrian's hand and as he looked up, he saw the man cringe slightly and rub his hand.

"You nearly broke his fingers", Harper whispered into his ear alertly.

Spencer couldn't remember squeezing it too firmly but...well, there was a lot of anger and with all the effort it took to keep the smile on his face, he needed a valve and had...apparently used Adrian's hand for it.

He managed a somewhat apologetic smile and focused his attention on Harpers father, who also shook hands with him, but cautious in a way, as if afraid Spencer would crush his bones as well.

"So you're Diane's and Bill's boy?", the man asked and after Spencer nodded, "Carl"

Carl smiled and stood up, still looking a bit jazzed, turning his head back to Harper.

"Love, why didn't you tell us about this?", he asked finally, gesturing towards her womb, "We all thought you'd never have children"

And at that Harper told the story over again, but in her family-rated version that didn't say anything of one-night-stands but tell about them meeting in a bar, starting to date and then, after half a year realizing they were having a baby.

The two men eventually sat down at the table while Adriana was continuing to cook and from time to time told them to try her sauce. All along, Spencer played it cool, pretended to be unaffected by the situation but when the attention wasn't on the new couple anymore, because Adrian's wife Kelly and their two sons arrived, he turned to Harper and with just one look, managed to tell her that he needed a break.

"Mom, I think the two of us will retreat for a while before dinner, get settled, you know?", she informed after hugging Kelly, who was a sturdy blonde in Adrian's age and looked very sympathetic when confronted with the big news. The two boys, Matt and Kyle hardly payed any attention to neither her aunties body's change nor her new boyfriend as they started playing with their action figures, they'd carried inside.

Spencer waved at Kelly and followed Harper upstairs, where they would sleep for their three day visit. The wooded door, third on the right, had a gold star on it that read 'Harper' in big red letters and by the sight of it, she chuckled.

"This is my old bedroom", she explained, "they haven't changed it a bit since I went for college, so...beware"

With a swift movement, she opened the door and the stepped into a teenage-girl dream room. The shelfs were filled with books and stuffed animals, the walls held a poster of Michael Jackson in the better days and a movie poster of _Pulp Fiction_, along with a picture of Audrey Hepburn, the famous one from _Breakfast At Tiffany's_. In the center of the room, at the wall beneath the window stood a double bed, on the left side a desk and a dresser and on the right led a door into another room.

"Fancy a shower?", Harper asked when she caught him starring at the door, "that's my private bathroom"

He nodded gladly, a shower would be heavenly. Through the last couple hours his muscles had tightened so severely, he felt like after ten hours of running. His back hurt and his neck was sore with tension. He wanted to punch Adrian every second for his grin and his patronizing greeting, acting like he had no idea what his insult had made Spencer feel back then.

"I think it went kind of well, didn't it?", Harper ended his trail of thought, leaning her face against his chest.

"Surprisingly well", he muttered, stroking her back.

"I guess they are pretty smitten because no one thought that possible", she sighed and squeezed him tightly, "come on now, let's take a shower"

"Oh, you're coming, too?", he asked momentarily aroused at the thought and she just winked and pulled him towards the bathroom.

When the first drops of cold water hit him, he felt his limps relax at the second, all his extremities eased off the tension...all but one. As Harper joined him in the shower, stripped to all naked gloriousness, he forgot for a while about the awkwardness and anger waiting downstairs. Harper started kissing him and soon, despite the ice cold water, things turned steamy and Spencer enjoyed his brain-downtime, just dwelling in the moment.

"You're mad at Adrian, right?", she asked him when they were dressing up again, seeing through him like she was the profiler, not him.

He shrugged while tyeing his shoe-laces and pursed his lips, "Can you blame me?"

"No", she said sadly, "but I don't have to like it"

"He shouldn't have done it", he said firmly, sitting up and looking at her intensly.

"He was just a kid", she said equally as firm but then shrugged as well, "but you're right, that doesn't make it better"

With one of his cardigans, the turquoise one, on, she moved over from her desk to where he sat on the bad and sat down on his lap, brushing her cheek against his which made him close his eyes and breath in the scent of her just showered skin.

"Thank you for going through this with me", she whispered and pecked him slightly.

"Through everything", he whispered back and they sunk into a deep kiss again, securing Spencer, calming and steadying him as always, "I'll go through everything with you"

"I know", she kissed him again and they sat there for a while, on her teen-bed, hugging and comforting and Spencer was well aware that she was the one real thing and he had to put up with whatever thrown at him, even Adrian. He had to stick it out and whatever uncomfortable thing that was to come.


	19. Thankful

**Author's Note:** Thanks everyone for the kind reviews...now I think I've found a way around Vegas, I know it all went very smoothly but, honestly, putting some drama into this chapter would have seemed desperate to me, like this, it feels real, probable even. I hope you can agree with me on that.

Thank you all for your awesomeness and lots and lots of love to you all!

**9 Months**

**Chapter Nineteen**

**Thankful**

-Month Seven, Week One-

"So tell us about you, Mystery man", it was Kelly who addressed Spencer during first course, pea-soup, after he'd been dead silent all the time before, trying not to jump up an stick his fork down Adrian's throat.

"Uh...I...um", she'd surprised him and he had no idea what she expected him to say now, "I'm Spencer, I turn twenty-eight next week, uh...I work at the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI and...well...that's about it, I guess"

"Wow, Harper, where do you find such exquisite men?", Kelly joked and nudged Harper in the side with her elbow and the attention on the table was focused on her, waiting for her answer.

"I met him in a bar but actually I knew him before, right, Spence?", she bubbled and Spencer knew that she was uncomfortable with this interrogation, "He went to the same High School as Adrian and me, he was actually in Adrian's class"

Predictably, Kelly was irritated by that, "But how old have you been then?"

"I was twelve when we graduated", Spencer answered with a dry thought, the memories coming back to him ever so clearly.

"So you're some kind of genius?", she asked like so many before her.

"He is", Harper cut him off as he'd just took a breath to answer and smiled at him wryly, "we're having a very smart baby"

"We're smart, too", said Kyle from the other side of the table.

"Oh, I'm sure you are", Harper smiled brightly at him.

"But for someone so smart both of you don't put much effort in your homework, now, do you?", Kelly was only half joking and both Matt and Kyle looked a little guilty.

"Homework is stupid", Matt said stubbornly and slurped his soup from the spoon.

"Don't slurp", said Adrian and looked at his son intensely who, immediately stopped.

"I wish they'd listen to me like that once", sighed Kelly and threw her sons a funny look.

"Sorry, Mom", Kyle said quietly but seemed sincere.

"It's all right, kiddo", she smiled, "just remember that you are"

Spencer just continued to watch the scene, a normal family at a normal family dinner, chatting, eating, joking but he didn't belong. Not because they didn't try to include him and as far as he could say, everyone was really making an effort, Harper's parents were genuinely nice people and Kelly reminded him a lot of Garcia but he couldn't relax, he couldn't let go, the rage against the man sitting at the head of the table was too big. It occupied his brain so much, he could barely think of anything else. The worst thing was that he despised it as it happened. He didn't like to be in that place anymore, he'd been so happy, so at ease with Harper for the last months, he wasn't used to anger any more and he didn't want to be. He wanted it to stop but he couldn't make himself forget. And he thought, Adrian had a vague idea about it as he'd stayed silent mostly as well and seemed uneasy.

When they were done with the main course, turkey and mashed potatoes, Mrs. Hillman went to get the pudding and pumpkin cake. When she came back, she put the plates on the table but before they were allowed to eat, she demanded tradition and asked all of them to say what they were thankful for. The lady of the house started, saying she was thankful for having everybody there and happy to be expecting a new addition to the family, gently smiling at Harper, who's turn was it next.

"I am", she started and then cleared her throat, taking Spencer's hand beneath the table, "so thankful for you, to have you in my life. I thought I would never find what we have, what you've given me, you made this the best year I've ever had and...we've been lucky enough to get Autumn, I really am the luckiest girl in the world and I have you to thank for it...so, yeah, I'm really really thankful for Spence"

For a moment all grudge fled from Spencer's insides as he kissed her softly on the lips, hearing how she felt about him, no matter how often always set him on fire, made him happy no matter what else was going on and out of his restored good mood.

"Uh...I am very thankful for the way every thing's changed, how you've changed my life and made it this happy place, a home and a...refuge for me and I am thankful that we'll be a real family soon...I wouldn't want this with anybody but you, you're really the only one, Harper"

"Aw", Kelly cooed and put her head to the side, "These new couples always make us old ones look bad"

Harper laughed as she put her head on Spencer's shoulder, rubbing his arm. She'd become more natural now, more free to express their relationship to her family and that also brought a sense of normality to Spencer and he tried to keep his head away from Adrian and focused on his wife as it was her turn to speak.

"I am thankful that we are all healthy and well, that nothing bad has happened to us this year and that all the people I love are well"

"Hear, hear", said Harper's dad now and raised his glass with the others doing the same thing until Adrian cleared his throat to announce his go. Spencer clenched his teeth and looked at his hands.

"I am thankful for my sons who brighten up every day for me, whenever I come home and I am stressed out, you to cheer me up again and thanks to your lovely mother you're turning out the best possible, I am very thankful for you, my family and I love you Kelly and I don't say this because not saying would make me look bad"

Kelly laughed briskly and kissed him on the cheek, with the boys looking smug at their fathers compliment. Well, Spencer thought bitterly, Adrian might've been a jock but he was a good father, he hadn't ducked out and ran away like Spencer's father did and no matter how it annoyed him, it commanded his respect.

Kyle and Matt were thankful for the food and the toys they'd been given by their grand-parents and Harper's dad signed Kelly's speech about health and then demanded the pudding.

They all laughed as he threw loads of it onto his plate and started eating almost immediately and Spencer found it a bit easier to go along with it. He would just stay away from Adrian and enjoy himself as far as this was possible.

But his plan didn't seem to work as Adrian asked for a word when the women were cleaning up the table and Carl was playing with the boys in the living room.

Spencer followed the husky man into the corridor heading towards the staircase and to his dismay he felt scared, afraid that history would repeat itself and Adrian would threat him, telling him, that if he hurt his baby sister, he'd make him pay and maybe underline this with a display of violence. Spencer felt like such a pathetic wimp as he flinched when Adrian turned around to face him. Why had he even agreed on coming with him?

But the look on Adrian's face didn't speak of intimidation or threat, in comparison, it was wretched and twisted, guilty in a way.

"Man", he said quietly to Spencer's irritated face, "look, I know it's been years and...I know I can't really ask you to...forgive me...but I'd really...I want to apologize. Back in High School...what we did to you, it was neither nice nor right, actually...it was shameful...no, look, listen, it's not okay, I see this happening so often when I teach, I see what it does to the kids and it's not right. I don't ask you to understand, we were stupid and disgusting and we thought it was funny. I know now that it wasn't and...I never thought I'd see you again. I wanted to apologize for a long time and...well, life has its twisted ways...I don't want this to complicate things, our family and Harper...I've never seen her so happy in my life...I just want us to get along. I can understand if you hate me but...I can only ask you to forgive me. I really am sorry. Really sorry"

Spencer felt like he'd sort of stepped out of his life and entered someone else's. There he was with Adrian Harper, former High School bully and he, who could still take Spencer out with one punch was begging him for forgiveness.

A little spiteful voice inside his head told him to decline, to not take the hand that Adrian had put out to him, in his eyes sincere regret. But the better part of him, the part that Harper had defined during the previous months chose to go the right way. Forgiveness was said to be hard but it came easy to him now. He wouldn't have expected it to be so easy. He'd despised Adrian, hated him for all these years with such passion and intensity, he'd thought he could never let go of it. But...this apology, this honest plea for forgiveness was all he needed. All he'd ever needed from him, from all of them was hearing them say 'sorry' and meaning it.

_Funny_, he thought as he took his former opponent's hand, _so that's how it feels to be grown up_.

He was finally there, he'd grown up, he was old enough to forgive, to let things lie, composed enough to deal with things maturely. It had only took him four months and this crazy girl that was the love of his life to finally make him a man.

"Thank you", Adrian said now, letting go of his hand, "Thank you so much"

"Past is past", said Spencer and smiled. He meant it this time.

He felt better momentarily, hate was nothing that he dealt well with, it was like poison, drowning his senses with rage and irrationality, both things that Spencer wasn't panned out to feel.

"Let's help the women with the washing up, shall we?", asked Adrian, obviously easier now, too and they went back to the kitchen. Thankful was a good word to describe how he felt when he joined his girlfriend, flung his arms around her and let it all go, simply enjoying the time that was given to them.

--

"You made up with Adrian, didn't you", Harper asked him, glancing over to the passenger seat at Spencer who was biting his lips.

"What?", he looked up, ripped out of his thoughts, "yeah, he...he apologized"

"And when did you think of telling me?", it wasn't an accusation, just a question out of interest.

"I thought you'd figure it out alone", he answered and managed a small smile, "as you did"

"You're just thinking about other things at the moment, don't you?", she smirked because once again she'd read him like an open book. He didn't know when he'd gotten so obvious to her.

"I don't know how she'll react", he said, furrowing his brow, "I don't even know how to tell her"

They were on their way to see his mother, to tell her the news and since he got up in the morning his thoughts were revolving around what he'd say and how she'd respond to it, if she would have a fit or scream or cry or if she'd be pleased...if she would understand. He hoped that she had a clear one today, a day where she was his mother and not a confused old lady that listened more to the voices in her head than her own son.

"It'll be fine", Harper said reassuringly and nodded firmly, "you just prepare her and then I'll say hello and...we'll be fine"

He wanted to believe her and he focused on her curls going up and down, on the motions of her body when she breathed in and out, all just to be distracted from what was coming and much too soon, she pulled the car over to the parking lot and they went towards the entrance of the psychic health clinic his mother had lived for the last ten years.

"Dr. Reid", he was recognized immediately from Dr. Miller, a doctor of the facility he'd met at his last visit, "what a surprise, coming to visit your mother"

He nodded friendly and shook hands with him, "How is she today?"

"I'd say fairly well, she reads at the moment at the recreation room"

"Good, there's some news. I hope she'll take it well", Spencer explained and gestured towards Harper who'd stood a couple paces behind to let him say hello and now came to his side, smiling up to the doctor.

"Oh, but only good news, as I see", he smiled at Harper's belly and shook her hand as well, "Congratulations"

"Thank you", Harper glowed and squeezed Spencer's hand, a matter of telling him to walk on, to be brave and he did, he smiled again at the doctor and said, he'd go see her now.

The recreation room was filled with people but only two seemed to have visitors. He spotted his mother immediately at a far corner, sitting face buried in a book, her body leaned towards the wall.

"Could you wait here for a second", he asked Harper nervously and felt his heartbeat fasten from anxiety.

"You'll be fine", Harper said and kissed him gently on the hand she still held and then released with a slight nudge towards his mother.

His knees were weak as he approached her and carefully, he stepped beside her, so she became aware of a prescience and wouldn't be startled.

"Mom", he said quietly and when she looked up from her book she seemed surprised but clear.

"Spencer", she said as a hello, "why didn't you write me you were coming?"

"Uh, it's a surprise visit", he said, "Happy Thanksgiving"

"Oh, to you too my dear", she said and opened her arms for an embrace, "What is it then?"

When she let him go he wondered if he'd had it printed on his forehead that he had something to tell her.

"Um...yeah, Mom, there's news", he said slowly. Where would he even begin.

"Come on, baby, tell me, we don't have all day", she joked after he'd stayed silent for a while.

"Well...I...I met someone, a woman", he said, resting on every word to see how she'd react but she just looked at him and waited for him to continue, "her name is Harper, Harper Hillman, you might remember her, she went to my High School and...we've been dating for a while now"

"Why didn't you mention her in your letters?", obviously Diana Reid was with her senses today and they were sharp as ever, now Spencer just had to find an explanation, too bad he didn't really have one for himself for a start.

"I...don't know, to be honest, I guess it was all a pretty new experience for me and then...some thing...happened and things got really busy...I...because there is...something else...uh"

"What, Spencer? Don't let me worm this out of you bit by bit", she insisted strictly.

"Okay", he took a deep breath and looked her straight in the eyes, _be a man_, "Mom, Harper is pregnant, we're expecting a child"

There was silence for a while and Diane eyed him curiously and Spencer felt the strings of his nerves pulled apart, stretched into eternity, it was nearly unbearable. What would she say, did she even understand him?

"Is she here?", she simply asked and it nearly gave Spencer a heart attack.

"Yes...uh", he answered perplex, "She's right there...Harper?"

He looked away, up to his girlfriend who stood alert in the other corner of the room and had started walking to them. She had her eyes fixed on Diane and smiled kindly.

"Mom, that's Harper", he introduced and the two women shook hands.

"Why don't you sit down?", Diane asked politely but there was something irritating in her eyes, something that made her look more like a police-man than a loving mother.

"Tell me about you", she demanded curtly and suddenly it was Harper on the hot chair.

"Uh...my name is Harper Ann Hillman, born and raised in Vegas, I went to Spencer's High School, graduated in 2001, went to Community College and then to Washington to study Psychology which I've just finished and I'm currently working on my doctorate...uh...I'm twenty-six for another three months...uh-"

"-and you're being good to my son?", Diane interrupted her and pierced her down as if she had evidence speaking against this. Spencer wanted to say something but Harper was faster.

"I try to be the best person I can be for your son, I promise you that I would never deliberately hurt him", she said with a straight voice, as sincere and straightforward as it could be and it seemed to satisfy Diane because after a short time of considering she simply nodded and then smiled.

"What are you having?", she asked Harper, who brightened up immediately.

"A girl", she answered happily, "We're calling her Autumn"

"Beautiful", Diane smiled and then, she turned around to Spencer who was too relieved to function, "It would've been a bloody waste of genes, wouldn't you think?"

--

All the way back to Harper's house Spencer was smiling. They'd spent almost two hours with his mother, telling her about the pregnancy, showing her the ultra-sound picture Harper carried in her wallet and promised to visit soon after Autumn was there. Harper let her hand rest on his thigh as they drove back and made fun of him for being so afraid.

"You made this such a big deal and it went so well", she smiled.

"You made it a big deal what your parents would think as well", he talked back and shook his head, "and they were fine with it as well"

"You're right", she said and pursed her lips, "I guess it's just a right thing...with us and her...I think they see it. And I'm glad they do, it's better than fighting over it"

"It is", he agreed, "I just didn't expect it to go that smoothly"

"Although your Mom would make a great interrogator, I think", Harper laughed, "I was a bit afraid of her...I guess she gave you the FBI-genes"

They laughed as she pulled into the drive-way of her parents house where Mrs. Hillman was already waiting for them to help her with baking a cake for dinner.

"How did it go?", she asked when the two of them entered the kitchen, Spencer, for his part, knew who'd given Harper the brilliant cook-genes.

"It went very well, she was happy for us", Spencer answered, steadily more easy and open around Harpers family. It felt almost weird, he was so old now, he still felt like a little boy being a part of that happy family with father and mother and children all happy. It was a sensation he'd never known and he liked it in a weird sentimental way.

"So you have all our blessings, that's nice", Adriana cooed.

"Oh, Mom, give it a rest", protested Harper straight away and started putting apple slices into a pot of freshly made peanut butter.

"What, Harper?", her Mom asked, "All I'm saying is that I don't want your child to be born to unmarried parents, that's not right"

"Mom, honestly, that's BS", Harper said spiteful, sounding pretty much fifteen and her mother flinched at the curse.

"But before god..."

"Mom, I'm not discussing this with you again; I made my point on god and if I marry, I marry because we chose to not because any of you are pushing us to...and I also won't marry in a church, as I already told you", Harper was strict and her voice didn't break although she seemed a bit scared of her mother.

"I love you, Harper, but I hate it that you make me pray for your soul like that", her mother said calmly. Spencer just watched the show. Luckily he never needed to defend his atheism, unlike Harper his upbringing hadn't been strictly catholic, really, no one cared what he believed s he found his truth in science and – confronted with all he was at work he didn't believe in anything really. He believed in love and he believed that, in the core, every human being was good but life and genes and coincidents could turn humans really bad and just that fact, the fact that there were murderers and terrorists and people killing in the name of gods made him disbelieving.

Harper felt quite the same way as she'd told him early on, when she'd asked him if it was okay with him to not have Autumn baptized, a thing that she hadn't told her family yet and looking at the two women semi-fighting gave Spencer a good clue why.

"Could we please not talk about this any more?", Harper said, "I am not talking about my beliefs, there's no point with you and you're making us uncomfortable with the marry-talk"

"Fine", her Mom shrugged, "but at least...think about it again...have a talk while I go and get more sugar from the neighbors"

The woman smiled brightly and left the kitchen and Harper and Spencer to themselves.

"We're in Vegas you know", he said and smiled but somewhere inside his guts twisted, didn't she want to marry him? Or why was she so heavily against the plan.

"I know, Spence", she said and tilted her head, "but that's just what I _don't_ want, if we marry, I want the real deal, I want time to plan, to invite people, I want a proper proposal, a real celebration, a ceremony somewhere nice, where the sun is shining with a lot of time on our hands not this forced hurried alibi-wedding. Call me spoiled but driving to the city and being married by Elvis is not how I imagine the best day of my life...plus I don't fit in any dress at the moment"

He couldn't help but to smile, she was just the cutest when she started rambling like that and also, she made it clear that she didn't oppose being married to him, only that she wanted it on her terms. Almost momentarily his brain started calculating, considering; he knew he wanted to marry her, he wanted the world to know that he was sure, that he trusted their relationship enough to make it official, to make it a 'till death do us part' and as she snuggled herself back into his arms, he knew that she would dare to do this, too.

They stood for a while like this before Adriana came back and told Spencer there was someone outside for him.

"What? For me?", he asked, parting from Harper.

"Yes, he said he wanted to talk to Spencer Reid", she nodded, "at the door"

He looked down questioningly at Harper but she just shrugged, shaking her head unknowingly. Spencer made his way through the living room and saw a silhouette of a man through the milky glasses of the front door. He scratched his head, wondering who could want to see him, who even knew he was here and almost expected to see Hotch when he opened the door.

But what he saw made him stop his motions and turned his face a statue of irritation mixed with disapproval.

"What are you doing here?", he heard himself say colder than he'd expected.

"Your Mom called me...about the news", the man's face cringed and he stared at the lanky one, slightly bigger than him with watery eyes, "Spencer, please, I just wanted to congratulate you"

"Thank you, Dad", he said, still icy, "but if I'd wanted to share the news with you I would've called"

"I know you're mad at me, Spencer, but I thought we made up, at least a bit last time we spoke...I sent you a couple of e-mails, I don't know if you got them"

"Dad", now Spencer cringed, he'd got them but he'd been too proud to answer them and now, with his father standing there lost and searching for his sons sympathy, he felt sorry.

"No, it's okay, I understand, I've...I've made mistakes and I'm glad to see that I haven't kept you from founding a family and...I am proud of you, even though that probably doesn't mean anything to you..."

"Spence?", he heard Harper call and getting closer, her tone slightly concerned, "is everything okay"

"Yes", he said when she came to a halt beside him and looked curiously at the unknown man, "Harper, that's...that's my father, William Reid, Dad, Harper Hillman"

"Oh sure, now I recall", she smiled and shook hands with him but not without throwing Spencer a glare to make sure it was okay. She knew how much his father had hurt him and she didn't want to backstab him.

"I do, too, these red hair are unforgettable", William smiled, he'd always been charming, finding his way around but he was there, Spencer thought. He'd come, not like in the old days when he'd just left...now he'd made his way over to this place to see his son.

"Would you like to come in for a coffee, maybe?", Harper asked and William, after searching his sons eyes to find no rejection, nodded and followed them inside.

Maybe, Spencer thought, it was time for a change and maybe, he'd be thankful for it later even if it seemed hard now.


	20. Pink Stuff

**Author's Note: **Hello my patient readers...I hope you're still on board. I've not updated in a while because...tadadadaaaaaa...I finally graduated...thank you thank you...I enjoy it a lot. Plus I've been to Berlin where I might have a flat to move in soon so...yeah, real life is busy. That's why this chapter is only a short treat (I know it's sooo short but I'm really crazy busy at the moment) to appatize you guys for what's to come.

**Things To Look Forward To: **Christmas and then...the Baby of course! :)

**9 Months**

**Chapter Twenty**

**Pink Stuff**

-Month Seven, Week Three-

It's been two weeks since Spencer and Harper had come back from Vegas, two weeks since almost miraculously Spencer had lost a great amount of hurt and pain inside. He felt so much more at ease now, nearly every waking moment he was happy and light. Not only because his father had finally made an effort to prove to his son that he was sorry, not only because Adrian had apologized and meant it...these were all things playing along to is good mood but the main reason was the sensation of having arrived. Spencer felt finally grown up, mature, reflected and content instead of troubled. He was ready for his life to come, ready to be a father and the secret gloom that had always inhibited parts of his soul was nearly gone. The hate and bruises inside of him had faded and left a happy place full of hope and anticipation. Autumn was on her way and it was only two months and a week until she was calculated to be born. She would be with him soon, his little perfect princess, the new center of his life. It seemed so unreal that after years and years of being alone he now had a family, withing less than five months his whole entire life had been completely turned around. And though it all happened so fast, he couldn't imagine his life if he hadn't run into Harper that night at the bar.

November was colder than usual and it had already started snowing a bit but the ground wasn't cold enough for it to stay there so the streets were full of gray mud and people with umbrellas.

On a sidewalk was a mother with a child, about six or so, hurrying into the Elementary School "St. Barbara" as it read on a sign. Harper's eyes were fixed on the two as her and Spencer walked down on the other side of the road, unprotected from the light snow and with their arms linked.

"Are you sure you don't want to grab a Taxi?", he asked concerned, feeling her shiver slightly next to him.

"No, thank you. I really need to keep moving, stay in shape...elsewhere I'll stay this gigantic forever..I read that as sooner you start working out during pregnancy, the sooner you're back to your normal weight afterwards", she informed him and smiled.

"Harper, you look wonderful just the way you are", he said truthfully, she'd never been so beautiful to him. She glowed from inside, her belly was huge, you had to use that precise term to be accurate. Autumn took a lot of space but it made Harper look proper, healthy and so so sexy. Her cheeks had widened a little, so when she smiled now – from the start incredibly gorgeous – she now looked like sunshine, pure golden, perfect sunshine, lighting up rooms and halls and Spencer's heart. He'd never been happier than he was now; watching her all the time.

She was so happy, so radiant in expectation of Autumn, she'd been finishing her touches on the nursery, adding some pictures here and there, picking out decoration and just sitting in the huge arm-chair imagining her daughter was already with her. Spencer wondered how it was possible that he was still able to fall even more in love with her. It seemed like she pushed all the boundaries of normal feelings into a sense of such need, such deep understanding that she felt like another part of him; the most precious part. He walked loosely beside her, feeling her safe in his arms, looking at her smile and couldn't help himself.

He did something pretty unlikely for him; the need had just overwhelmed him; he held her by the arm and stopped walking so she spun around until coming to a stand before him and he brought his hand up to her face, holding her in place to kiss her, in all public. She kissed him back, the way it sent flashes of electricity through his body and he was glad that he decided to wear his only pair of blue jeans that held his erection close to his body and invisible to anyone else.

"What was that for?", she asked, when he released her mouth to breath.

"I just felt this weird urge", he smiled cockily and kissed her again.

"But we need to hurry up", she reluctantly broke free, "JJ will be mad, we're already late"

Spencer knew she was right, it was half an hour later than they were supposed to be at JJ's for Harper's baby shower. JJ and Garcia had come up with the idea and invited Emily along and two friends of Harper, Chelsea and Grace, whom Spencer would meet for the first time today.

Still, they stood unmoving in the middle of the sidewalk and looked dully happy at each other. Spencer wondered if that how High School-love was supposed to feel. Just carelessly happy with the deep trust and belief that nothing on earth could ever...ever ever...tear them apart.

"Come on, now", she nagged jokingly and pulled his arm.

"But we'll kiss later?", he replied smiley.

"Of course, my love", she laughed and they continued to walk towards JJ's house, their fingers entwined and wide grins planted on their faces. Without all the ballast they'd been carrying around gone it felt so uplifting now, so easy to be together, Spencer could hardly remember how it felt when Harper was not on his mind, not in his arms. This was how love was supposed to be, easy and liberating.

Finally JJ and Will's house came into view and, taking the steps at the same rhythm, they pushed the bell at the same time, smiling at the simultaneous reach. To any bystander they must've seemed like the most pathetic romantically blasted couple on Valentines Day.

JJ's muffled steps resounded from inside and soon the door was thrown open and the blonde stood there smiling brightly and welcomed them, taking Harper into the tightest embrace manageable with Autumn in the way and gently nudging Spencer's arm.

"You're late", she stated, leading them to the living room.

"We've been a little busy", said Harper and coughed while Spencer's cheeks went crimson red.

"Oh, I can tell", JJ laughed briskly as the visitors came in view, settled around the tea-table.

"Chelsea, Graceee", cooed Harper and broke into a half-sprint towards two attractive but broomstick-thin figures that squealed just as highly as his girlfriend. They hugged and chattered a bit until Harper focused her attention on the rest.

"Hey Pen, Emily", she kissed both of them lightly on the cheeks and then waved to the kitchen counter on the other side of the room, "hi Morgan, Will"

In the far corner stood Derek Morgan and Will and now Spencer, too, who'd joined them to chat and leave the women do their baby-business, as Morgan called it.

"Spencer, these are Chelsea and Grace", Harper announced and gestured towards her friends who smiled curiously back at Spencer.

"Hey", he grinned and waved at them but before he could say anything more, the ladies cut straight to business. Spencer observed the gift-marathon happily and looked how Harper's face jumped from surprise to praise and enjoyed ripping the gift wrapping from boxes the like a child on Christmas.

She produced about twelve pink jumpers in a row, a pink little jacket and woolen hat (that Garcia pointed out to have knitted all by herself) and a bunch of bottles for Autumn with – guess what – pink toppings..

"So, here we have the special of today", Grace announced, bringing forth a giant packet from behind her stool and setting it on the table in front of Harper.

"That's the stuff my Mom sent, right?", she said excitedly.

"Yeah, let's hope it's not all pink", Chelsea laughed and Emily looked a bit guilty.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself, I love baby-shopping and as it's a she...", she said sheepishly into the blue.

"Don't worry, Em", Harper laughed, "everyone bought pink stuff, it's alright, it's pretty, let's just hope Autumn really turns out an Autumn and the doctor didn't get it wrong"

"D'you think that could happen?", JJ asked, rocking Henry back and forth on her lap.

"It happened before", Harper looked into the air, thinking, "but it doesn't feel like a boy...no, I feel _her_, I believe she is a girl"

"Come on, open the box", commanded Garcia impatiently and Harper removed her hand from her belly and started tucking open the paper around the box.

"Oh, I don't believe it", she gasped, "Sgt. Tibbs"

She produced a stuffed animal, as far as Spencer could see a sort of comic-ish cat, and pulled it close to her chest.

"That was my best friend growing up", she cheered and handed him over to Penelope who looked equally as delighted.

"Let's see, what else do we have?", she said and continued working through the box, taking out little pink and yellow dresses, shoes and hats and then, with a long and deeply-felt sigh a slightly bigger white baby-dress.

"That's what I wore to my aunts wedding, I can't remember it obviously but there's pictures...I love it, I didn't even know we kept it", she turned it in her hands, scanning it for possible stains but found none and smiled satisfied, "Autumn's gonna wear that every day"

--

Her fingers still full of cake-cream, Harper walked over to Spencer who leaned on the kitchen counter and reached behind him to grab a tissue. Her belly stroke his stomach and he smelled her hair and automatically his arms closed around her body. She threw the paper-blanket away and rested her head against his chest.

"We'll be fine, right?", she asked quietly only for him to hear, a slight fear in her voice that concerned Spencer.

"Why wouldn't we?", he asked and nudged her head with his chin, gently letting his hand trail along her spine.

"It's all so perfect", she said after a while, no smile audible in her voice, "maybe too perfect, it all went so smoothly, there's been no complications yet although it's a risk pregnancy...I don't know if-"

"-Shh...Harper, don't even think about it, it'll all be well, trust me. We'll be absolutely fine and so will Autumn, there's no other way", he said soothingly, meaning to distract all her doubts and worries that she just thrown from her shoulders to his. He hadn't even thought about it yet. That there _could_ be complications, that things _could_ go wrong in the last trimester, that a thousand things could happen to both Harper and Autumn during labor and birth, a thousand things could go wrong, horribly wrong.

"No there is no other way", she said determined and then silently, "it would kill me"

And it would kill Spencer, too.


	21. The Best Gift Ever

**Author's Note:** Okay, I know Christmas-stories, when it's not Christmas, can be annoying but...well you just have to try and deal with it, I still hope you'll enjoy the fluff a little bit.

I want to thank you again for sticking with this story and with me for all this time, I feel so great to have all you guys and I can't thank you enough, everyone who reviews and puts this on alerts and favorites...it makes my day, every day.

And, if, maybe, you are a bit interested in me by now...well, you can always follow me on twitter. It's /Ellie_rants and because I just started tweeting about a week or so ago...I don't have any followers yet, so if you happen to have twitter and happen to be curious just follow and I'll follow you back :)

Thank you guys, again! Love to you all!

**9 Months**

**Chapter Twenty-One**

**The Best Gift Ever**

-Month Eight, Week One-

"So what's the deal with Penny and Derek?", came Harper's amused voice tinny and muffled from the speaker of Spencer's phone. He could practically see her with the phone pinched between her shoulder and her cheeks, walking across the living room, decorating it like a Christmas-tornado.

"Penny and Derek?", he repeated and chuckled.

"Oh, you know what I mean, what's with all the 'baby-girl'- talk and the flirting and the cuddling up, there's like so much UST in the room it makes me almost uncomfortable", she blabbered and he could hear glass hit glass and twigs break.

"UST?", he asked curiously, walking down Wisconsin Avenue suppressing the underlying feeling of nervousness now that the turquoise store-label came in view.

"Unsolved Sexual Tension", Harper clarified smiley, "the way they hover around each other but never ever get it on, it makes me crazy...I just wanna shake them and go: Get a room! Get it over with!"

"You think? Garcia and Morgan?", Spencer asked, for the first time really thinking about their relationship involving something more sexual tension than simply the steamy conversations they had, that he always took as more jokey than anything.

"Spence, don't you ever get anything?", Harper laughed on the other end of the line.

"No, I mean...I do get it...I just never thought that there was more to it than some joke", he defended himself approaching the glittery display window and feeling his throat tighten slightly while Harper went all thoughtful.

"Baby, it might look all friendly and funny but there's definitely more to it, I can smell it, I can see it, the way Pen always glares at him and the way he's so protective of her...it's so obvious and I'm not even a profiler", Harper lectured but the last bit of her sentence was almost drowned by a metallic bang, "Oh my"

"What did you do?", Spencer asked alert.

"Nothing...just the pan and a pot, they fell...okay, I accidentally dropped them but...no harm done as far as I can see", she answered sheepishly, "That's probably a sign that I should stop multi-tasking and get my work done here properly"

"I wish I could leave you alone knowing that you won't kill yourself", he sounded all light but deep down, under his good mood there were still those nagging fears she'd woken in him a few weeks ago that something bad could happen to her, especially with her clumsiness.

"Well, forgive me if you have to pull me from beneath the tree but I'll at least try not to get hurt while I wait for you", her voice remained as brisk as always. She was just so happy with Christmas coming.

"And it's really okay with you that we're celebrating tonight?", Spencer needed the reassurement that she was really in a good mood, even if they would celebrate Christmas like the Europeans on the Christmas Eve, not in the morning as Spencer had agreed to go to work, so JJ and Hotch could be with their kids on the 25th .

"I told you, as long as we celebrate at all, it's fine with me", she nodded, he could hear her hair brush the speakers, "oh remember the ice-cream"

"I will", he smiled at her wish for ice-cream in winter but he supposed it was alright as she ate it out of a glass of warm orange juice, "and about the early Christmas...I'll make it up to you"

"I'm sure you will", she said quietly, "bye, genius"

"Bye, perfect", as he hung up the phone he glanced over at the display again, he'd spotted something he thought just great to serve its purpose.

He let the phone slide into his pants pockets and, with his heart beating up to his throat, entered the shop he'd been strolling around in front of for the last two minutes. He couldn't believe that he, Spencer Reid, was actually doing this, that this was really happening to him. To him...of all people.

He took a couple hesitant steps inside, overwhelmed by the mass of light and sparkle, almost right into the arm of a lanky but small sales-man that smiled brightly at him.

"Welcome to Tiffany's, sir, how can I be of service?"

--

When the key turned in the lock and the door gave way to Spencer his nostrils were immediately filled with the delicate scent of au gratin potatoes and chicken and peas and followed it, with his stomach growling in approval to the living room.

"Where's my ice-cream?", demanded Harper first thing, finishing the decorations on the dining table.

"Oh shoot", Spencer hit his own head with his hands that had flown on their own accord above his eyes, he'd totally forgotten about everything else when he'd went into the jewelry shop.

Harper sighed and tilted her head, pursed her lips and looked at him for a while.

"No...it doesn't work", she finally said defeated.

"What doesn't work?", he asked, putting his bag and coat on the couch, hoping she wasn't too disappointed.

"Being mad at you", she stated straight-faced, "It's not working today"

"Well, I can't say I'm sad about that", Spencer smiled relieved and walked over her to kiss her hello.

"But you know, that means no desert for you too", she smiled when they broke apart.

"You're all the desert I need", he whispered into her ear and felt her shiver a little.

"When did you get so suave, Spencer?", she asked semi-serious and hugged him as tight as possible with Autumn in the way.

"Actually, I have no idea", he admitted and squeezed her while nibbling on her earlobe.

"Stop it, Spencer", she giggled, "it's dinner time, don't you make me spank you"

"You spent way too much time with Penelope", he said, reluctantly letting her go. Once in his arms it was hard to let her out of his embrace, it felt so much safer and so much more reassuring to have her there.

They sat down to eat and all the time they were smiling at each other, joking, holding hands when it was possible to only use the fork and talking about everything and anything.

It was such a nice thing to know that Spencer, who'd never been much of a talker had so much to say to Harper, that there was never silence between them, that, when he was out of words, she took over so swiftly, filling the rooms with her stories and her jokes, her giggles and sighs and laughter. Spencer was certain as seldom that this was the best Christmas he'd ever had, even when his family hadn't fallen apart yet. He'd never been really at home with his family, funny enough. He was at home only with Harper, finally.

"Fields Of Gold" by Sting was playing on the stereo and one line caught Spencer's attention when he was cutting the chicken and set it on their plates.

"I never made promises lightly", it said. No, Spencer had never made promises lightly and also the promise he was going to make her tonight – if she accepted him to do so – was thought through, played through in his head, weighed from side to side with the minimum of doubts. He'd never had less doubts over giving a promise. From his side, nothing had ever been clearer, nothing more logical. He worried if he was rushing things for her though, but...he remembered one of Harper's favorite movies "When Harry Met Sally" that they'd watched about two-quadzillion times.

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

That was one of the most memorable quotes and also the one where Harper always started sobbing..if she hadn't started at the part where Harry tells Sally that he loves the fact that she's cold at seventy-something degrees...seventy-one degrees, yelled Spencer's eidetic memory. He would just tell her that, it was his best argument. Beside the one that he couldn't live without her and he wanted it to be official, forever set in stone, in letters, in vows.

"What's up with you?", her amused voice broke through the mist of thoughts in his head, "stop staring at the plates and put them on the table"

"I love how you order me around", he said breathless and did as she'd told him, sitting down beside her.

"I love how you let me", she smirked and started eating immediately. She'd turned out to be quite the eater, especially withing the last month she'd started shoveling, sometimes she looked like these girls in the documentaries, the ones with bulimia, except that she didn't throw up afterwards. She just glowed happily and just a couple hours later started to complain again that she looked like a planet. She was still active, though, she walked around the flat, went to see him, or mostly Penelope as he had to grudgingly admit, at the BAU and walked every short distance by foot. She said, so far, Autumn wasn't limiting her abilities but, if she grew on like that, it was only a matter of time.

"Are you done?", she asked him when he put his fork and knife on the plate, surrendering in the face of an half-finished plate, anxiety making his stomach protest. Things of such profanity as food didn't seem important to Spencer's body now, being ran mostly by adrenalin as he reached into his pants pocket to feel the little silk-covered box between his fingers.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, it's really delicious, I'm just full", he said apologetically, not wanting her to feel like he didn't like the way it tasted.

"It's fine", she smiled and squeezed his hand, "I know it's delicious and this way I get my presents way faster"

She stood up and dragged him along with her, pulling him towards the couch and placing him there before she walked towards the tree and turned the light string on that lit the fir in white light and made the red and yellow and blue and green Christmas baubles glow.

"Merry Christmas", she cooed, standing next to the tree she'd decorated while Spencer went shopping earlier that day.

"Okay, first the presents of our families?", she asked and when Spencer nodded went for Autumns nursery where she had put the box that came. Her mother said it held both her families and Spencer's families presents for them. Spencer was glad that their families got along so well, Adriana had visited Diane in the clinic and they had caught up on old times and – different from most people that had seen Diane in that facility – didn't seem to find it one bit awkward and Spencer's mothers illness one bit disturbing.

Harper returned with the box and sat down beside him, producing four smaller boxes, covered in Christmas-gift wrap.

"That one says Spencer, from your Mom and this letter is from your Dad, and this box right here is from my parents for you", Harper handled the square packages over to him and watched him fiddle around with the paper.

"Wait, let me give you mine, too, then you have them all at once", she said and got an envelope from underneath the tree, "But you have to open it last"

He nodded and worked his way through the gifts. His Dad had sent him money and a long letter that he decided to read later; he wasn't in the mood for that right now and went on to his mother's present. He stopped breathing for an instant as he noticed the small pair of Converse-shoes inside the box to be his first walking shoes and, attached to it, a note from his mother saying: "You never walk alone". He laughed quietly and showed them to Harper who squealed and examined them straight away. The card on Harper's parents present was signed by both her parents, Adrian, Kelly and their boys Kyle and Matt and it was a 51's baseball-cap and a ticket for a game in fall and he remembered that Adrian had asked him if he'd join his father and his sons on a day out the next time they visited. Guess that date is set now, he thought but smiled. He'd never been to a baseball-game, it would be a fun thing to do with his new family.

"Now mine, mine", said Harper, sitting cross-legged opposite him handing him the envelope with a bright smile.

He took it and opened it carefully. Curiously he took out another ticket and read...

"Paris", Harper said aloud, "You said you always wanted to go to France, so that's it, Paris, it's only for a week-end but it's in Summer, I already asked JJ to baby-sit and Aaron to put you in for vacation, it's all arranged, we'll have a little time for ourselves...what do you think?"

"I love it", he said truthfully. She was so right and spot on with that gift. It had been forever since he'd been on a real vacation trip and he'd never been to France, though he found the country so interesting, "Thank you, Harper, it's perfect"

He bowed over to hug and kiss her and when he felt her curls tingle his cheeks he felt a flush of happiness that it was her whom he'd finally found. She, who was in every way all that he ever needed.

She went on opening her presents; a dress for after the pregnancy from her brother and Kelly and a set of scrap-books from her parents to document Autumns childhood. Harper nearly cried unwrapping everything but kept it together until she finally looked at Spencer, big-eyed and, putting away the scrap-books asking him.

"So where's my present?", she smiled brightly.

"Uh...well", Spencer said on a whim, "it's not really much of a present, it's more a-"

"-If you bought me mismatched socks, I'll kill you, you know that, don't you?", she said with a little hint that she wasn't kidding all the way.

"No", he smiled and felt his heart thudding, why was he so nervous? He knew he wanted to do this, he was sure, why in hell where his knees shaking, "it's not mismatched socks, it's...uh...well...um"

"Spencer?", she pursed her lips and looked at him like he was going a bit nuts, what he couldn't blame her for.

"Look, Harper", he started after taking a few deep breaths, taking both her hands into one of his, while the other traveled into his pocket, his fingers closing around the box, "it's been crazy five months, not even half a year and I know I've been rough and an idiot at first but...I love you, I love you so much it's beyond words and...and...oh man...see I never thought I'd ever felt the urge to do this but I just need to, I...I will hate myself forever if I don't ask you and okay, maybe it's a bit rushed but..."

He finally took out the box and kept his eyes fixed on it as he didn't have the guts yet to look at her.

"Harper Hillman, will you make me the happiest man walking this earth and be my wife?", he said it quickly, with a lot of air and he hoped she'd understood but..if all else failed the ring that sparkled out of the now opened box would have spoken a clearer language than he could've ever provided.

It was a silver ring with an orange topaz stone, framed with white little diamonds. It had cost a fortune and Spencer would be spending a while paying the installments but now, as he saw her eyes for the first time after his proposal, he knew it was worth it.

Behind a misty curtain of freshly welled up tears, her eyes went up to the common half-moon shape and her cheeks were going up to his most favorite bright wide smile until finally her gaze, before stuck on the ring, met his eyes. Electricity sizzled between the two of them, enough to set the room on fire.

"Yes", she whispered, "yes, yes"

And then she flung herself around him and kissed his lips, his chin, his cheeks until she was tired and rested her head on his chest.

He held her tight, the ring still in his hand and after kissing her forehead he gently removed his arm from her back and brought the box level with her face.

"Do you want to put it on?", he asked, unable to put his raging thoughts in order.

She'd said yes, she'd actually said yes. She wanted to marry him, to spent the rest of her life with him. How did he deserve so much happiness? It was almost too much, it was like his heart was going to burst.

She nodded faintly and held out her delicate pale fingers.

"I asked JJ to guess your size, I hope it fits", he whispered, taking it out of the box.

"So JJ knew that you were going to propose and she didn't tell me?", Harper asked suddenly in an over-played surprised voice.

"I made her promise to not tell you a word", he soothed and then, gently, carefully let the ring slip on her finger and pushed it down.

It was a perfect fit.

She was actually going to marry him. Spencer still couldn't grasp the overwhelming reality. She was his, officially, completely, entirely, forever.

"All I want for Christmas is you", Harper sang quietly and snuggled closer reaching her arm out to look at the ring in a distance, "look how it sparkles...it's beautiful"

"I chose orange, because it reminded me of Autumn", Spencer said and stroked her back gently.

"It's the best gift ever", she cooed, "along with you giving it to me...but you do know that I consider this a binding contract..I'm not going to let you off the hook, my love, we are going to get married, come what may"

"Come what may", he repeated and lifted her up to kiss her, but no baby kiss, no brief kiss...no a real kiss, a kiss that would seal their engagement and it did.

Spencer Reid would marry Harper Hillman...who would have ever thought?


	22. No Air

**Author's Note: **Sorry.

Check out the poll on my profile...you can decide if there's gonna be a sequel to this.

Also there's a link to a wallpaper I designed to this story, you can find it by clicking on the title in the descriptions.

**9 Months**

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

**No Air**

-Month Eight, Week One-

"She said yes", Spencer declared first thing in the morning at the office when he found Morgan, JJ and Emily standing around Morgans desk, drinking coffee.

"I knew she would", said JJ immediately and gave him a long hug while the others looked puzzled and shot questions at him.

"Who said what?", asked Emily.

"Did you propose or what, man?", huffed Morgan disbelieving.

When JJ let him go, he let himself fall back into his chair, leaned back smugly and grinned. He felt so good, he'd never been better. It was almost weird because this amount of utter happiness was new to Spencer, he'd never felt so completely fine.

"Did you now?", asked Emily impatiently, "you did, didn't you?"

"Yes", he said simply, still smiling from one ear to the other, "yes, I proposed...We're getting married"

Like a very cocky person he looked at everyone, turned his head from JJ who was smiling, to Morgan who looked a bit confused and Emily who started nodding understandingly, coming to terms with it, like she did when she was combining facts on a case.

"Congratulations", a deep base sounded from behind Spencer and he jumped to see Hotch towering above him. He was smiling and held out his hand. Spencer took it and stood up respectfully.

"Have you set a date already?", his boss asked.

"Not yet, but we're thinking about June or July", he replied truthfully and then they just stood there and Spencer's mind trailed off to Harper in a white dress. The image seemed unreal.

"I can't believe you're tying the knot before I do", said Morgan under his breath but soon his features, too, went up to a smile.

--

They had worked case files and paper work for about two hours when Hotch called to see Spencer in his office.

"Reid", he said dryly and looked up from his files, "you'll have to prepare all the forms so we can change your insurance and add a wife and a child, I have them sent to your desk"

"Sure", he nodded and turned to leave but then something held him back, "Hotch?"

"Yes?"

"Uh...I...I'm not...uh...I mean, I am sure about Harper but...this job", he stuttered, knowing that he was getting himself onto thin ice but when his boss congratulated him earlier, Hotch's history had pushed itself into Spencer's conscience. First of course how his marriage had failed at the job, how he saw his son only on the weekends if he was lucky enough, how him and his wife had become strangers to one another and then...of course the darkest chapter in Hotch's life, when an unsub, The Reaper, had went on a revenge spree and killed Haley, Aaron's ex-wife. So he didn't just metaphorically lose his wife because of his job, he'd lost her literally. Spencer couldn't help but worry if that could happen to him and his family, too.

"This job needs your full attention and you know it and it makes lots of things harder but it's not impossible to handle", replied Hotch curtly and eyed him intensely, making it clear, that he didn't want to discuss the matter further, although trying to help him with his fears.

The second Spencer wanted to thank him nevertheless, he felt his cell phone vibrate in his pants.

"Oh, sorry", he fiddled around in his pocket until he reached it.

"Reid", he said as a hello because he did not know the number shown on the display.

"Is this Dr. Spencer Reid?", an urgent female voice spoke hurriedly.

"Yes, that's me", he answered her irritatedly, who was she? She hadn't introduced herself, had she?

"This is nurse Frey from the Washington Hospital Center speaking, your fiancée has just been admitted to ER, it's best if you come as quick as you can"

One sentence. One sentence was all it took to flip Spencer's world – and stomach – completely around. Just one sentence made the theoretical concern he'd had minutes ago a practical horror. Harper was in the hospital, Harper and Autumn. Why? When? What had happened? The nurse hadn't said what was wrong.

"What happened? Is she...what happened?", the words just blurted out as he stared wide-eyed at Hotch, alerted by his young agents reaction.

"I can't say much on the phone, there is a problem with the baby, sir, it's really best if you come as quickly as possible", she answered pushy, it was urgent, so much told her voice.

Spencer felt like throwing up while he felt his throat closing up and tears filling up his eyes. What in hell had happened to her?

"Yes, I'll be there as fast as I can", he replied automatically and, hanging up the phone, jumped up from the chair, turned to Hotch, "Harper's in hospital"

His boss stood erect the next second and followed him out of his office and while Spencer was mechanically hurrying to his desk he faintly heard Hotch yell across the room to Morgan to get the car.

Everything around Spencer disappeared, all the voices were just muffled sounds, he didn't understand any of it anymore, they could've spoken Mandarin as far as he was concerned. The shapes in the office had become gray schemes, all misty from his teary view. He only saw one thing, the exit and then Harper. Harper in ER. Harper hurt, Harper covered in tubes, Autumn...Autumn. She had one month to go, only one month. She was too small, he knew, the doctors told him, they said she needed the last month to grow. She needed to grow. But what if...? No, no, no! He couldn't even allow himself the thought. She wasn't lost, she was going to be fine. He couldn't loose her. Harper couldn't loose her.

"Spencer", he heard Morgan yell at him from behind, he barely noticed, "I take the stairs and get the car"

And he ran past him, down the stairs, Spencer couldn't, his knee injury made it impossible to run, let alone run down stairs. The elevator cabin seemed even smaller than usually, the walls closing in around him while the ride down seemed to take hours. It was like his skin was peeling off.

He'd been so happy this morning. Nothing was ever going to darken his mood, he'd been perfectly fine. Just two hours ago. Now he was right back at the abyss, right on the edge and everything was at stake. His life, his whole life would end. If anything was to happen to either Harper or Autumn. If he'd...if he'd loose both. The thought, the image of him being alone in his apartment, in Autumns nursery slashed his heart open. He was bleeding, he had to be. It felt like he was bleeding dry, like his chest was going to burst and the friggin' doors wouldn't open. Holding his breath he waited for the elevator doors to make way for him and when they finally did, he sprinted through the lobby, pushing someone else and not caring to apologize and the second he left the building, Morgan pulled the car over and Spencer got in.

Morgan hadn't stopped the engine so he pushed the pedal all the way down and they raced towards the city.

"Shit, Morgan, drive faster", probably the first time he had cursed in months and Spencer sat on the edge of the seat.

"I'm already going 30 above the limit, kid", he said but increased the speed.

Spencer had never liked driving with Morgan because he was a racer, reckless almost, but now, he wanted him to go faster, faster, to hell with the traffic lights, he needed to get to the hospital.

"Morgan", he winced. It was like all warmth in his body had raced to his chest where there was a melting painfully hot, boiling ball burning him up. Like acid, tearing him apart.

_Harper. Harper. Harper._

She'd been fine in the morning. He'd kissed her goodbye as always, she'd said "Bye, future husband" and smiled, and laughed. It couldn't have been the last time he'd seen her. It wasn't right. He needed her, she couldn't leave him, she just couldn't.

"It's alright, kid, we're nearly there", Morgan tried to calm him down but it was a lost effort. Noting could calm him down, nothing at all. How was he going to explain this to her family? What had happened?

Indeed, in reality, Morgan had raced the car down the streets of Washington at inhuman and illegal speed so the ride took about twenty-eight minutes but for Spencer it felt like twenty-eight hours and he jumped out of the car, his weak legs almost giving in even before Morgan had fully pushed down the brakes. And again he ran, through corridors and electric doors, slaloming through people on crutches, people randomly standing in the way until he almost crushed into the reception desk. He must've looked like a runaway from some mentally-ill facility but he didn't care, he didn't care about anything at all. His life was on the line, his entity.

"Harper", he gasped, out of breath, what he only then noticed, "Harper Hillman, I'm...I'm Spencer Reid, her fiancé"

"Calm down sir, I'll take you right to her, she'd going into surgery", the nurse said comfortingly but hurried her steps around the counter and mentioned him to follow.

"What happened to her?", Spencer asked, looking out to see her somewhere, "What surgery?"

Without answering his questions, the nurse let him around the corner and then he spotted Dr. Walker.

"Dr.", he almost called out and ran to him like a devastated child that found his parents after loosing them on a fair, "What happened to her?"

"Dr. Reid", he greeted him firmly but he didn't smile, his face was firm, like doctors looked when things were serious, "Her water broke and she has lost blood, we're having a C-section, your daughter is in immediate danger. She's already been sedated but she's still awake, you can talk to her but make it short"

"Thank you", he said breathless as he was already running past him towards the preparation room where he saw a flash of red curls.

There she lay, her sight paralyzed him for a short moment, her limps weakly lying on the table while her eyes were closed. The neon light made her look paler than usual, she looked so tiny and vulnerable, Spencer felt like throwing up, it twisted his insides to see her that way.

"Harper", his voice was barely a whisper but she responded, weakly opening her eyes.

"Spencer", she said, her voice already brittle and slow from the sedation, "I'm so sorry, it's all my fault, I wanted to fix the Christmas lights on the tree and overstretched...I fell...I"

"Shh", he lunged to her side and took her hand, she had started crying silently, "you'll be fine"

"I don't care about me", she said stubbornly, "they're getting her out, she's alive but...they can't...make promises, Spencer I'm so sorry"

"She'll be alright", he replied automatically, prying to all gods he didn't believe in that his words were true.

Harper was blinking fewer, her lids resting closed, she was going to fall asleep soon.

"Spencer", she whispered under her breath, "if anything happens to me, tell her I love her, tell her I'm sorry"

"Don't say that, don't even...you can't...", his voice broke, hot tears went down his cheeks.

"I love you, I love you Spencer, never forget about that", she went on, her eyes only opening half.

"Stop saying goodbye to me", nine octaves higher, he cried, he really cried.

"Sir", a nurse interrupted, "Sir, you need to back away, we have to get her to the surgery room.

"I love you", Harper repeated and closed her eyes after one last weak apologetically look into his blood-shot eyes.

He tumbled backwards, away from the bed two nurses pushed away from him, through the doors, meeting Dr. Walker outside, who ran along beside it. After a moment of being petrified he followed, all his senses damp, his body, his legs, they just functioned mechanically, none of his movements were planned, he ran on auto-pilot as he followed them.

They stopped in front of two large doors and Dr. Walker stood in the way of him and his wife while the doors opened for her and closed again, shutting him out.

"Dr. Reid", he said urgently, "you can't come along, I have to ask you to wait outside"

Spencer stared past him, his heart shattered into a thousand little pieces on the floor and then genius Spencer Reid, IQ 187 knew nothing anymore, his brain was blank, empty.

"Will they be alright?", he asked barely audible.

"It's a serious surgery", Dr. Walker answered soothingly, "but nothing uncommon, as you know, but still a surgery. I can't tell you how it'll go. Your girlfriend has lost a lot of blood. I will tell you immediately if there is news"

"Save them", Spencer felt like he was going to pass out on the spot, "They are my life"

"Dr. Walker", a nurse opened the doors and called for him, allowing Spencer one last glimpse at Harper and Autumn under her heart. And while Dr. Walker turned and went in, Spencer stumbled backwards, hit a waiting bench with the backside of his knees and got violently sick, throwing up the last bit from his stomach into the waste bin standing beside it.

"Spencer", he hadn't noticed Morgan coming up behind him, when he fell to the floor next to the dumpster, "nurse"

A woman hurried to their sides, asking Spencer if he needed anything to calm his stomach, he shook his head and hoisting himself weakly onto the bench. The nurse took the plastic bag away from the waste-bin and left the two men to themselves.

"I'll get you a coffee", said Morgen helplessly and left Spencer to his thoughts for five minutes.

When he came back he found him with his head lying in his hands, helplessly broken.

"What happened?", now it was Morgan to ask.

"She fell, they're getting Autumn out", muffled Spencer curtly into his hands, feeling his palms wet with tears.

"Oh Reid", it was a common female voice approaching but Spencer felt too weak to look up.

"How's Harper? Is she in surgery?", this was Penelope, her voice sepulchral.

Now Spencer raised his head and saw his whole team, even Hotch stand around, faces painted with concern.

"She just went in", answered Morgan in Spencer's place and JJ, along with Penelope sunk down on the bench next to him.

"It will all be alright", mumbled JJ, taking his hand.

Spencer took a sip from the coffee Morgan had put next to his feet and said nothing. He couldn't speak. His brain was too occupied to function for something banal as speaking.

If anything there was no air to breath, to speak. At least it felt like it. There was no oxygen, he couldn't breath, it was all gone, gone with Harper's conscience. How can you breathe with no air?

They all fell silent, staring at the doors and it felt like hours, like years. Decades where Spencer drowned in his own head, he couldn't even start to think about what would happen to him if one of his women didn't make it. He'd always been alone, now when his life finally made complete sense, it could all be taken away from him in a second. He'd been too happy, it had been too much, too perfect. It was more than he deserved. He knew that he was going crazy, he was going to go insane, his dark side would take over if Harper wouldn't light him up anymore.

For fuck's sake, this was a hospital, they had dilaudid, didn't they? He needed it, he had to get it. His mind wanted to jump up and raid the place just to find it, just to be numb, just to feel nothing at all but his body wasn't working, he couldn't get up. Nothing worked anymore. Meanwhile the others talked to him, said things he didn't understand. Soothing words, calming words, words of encouragement. He couldn't hear them. He was so far away. Walking on a string over the abyss which would swallow him whole. He would die if he lost them. He had no idea how Hotch had survived all that had happened to him. He, Spencer, could never be that strong.

It took years but then...through the mist of thoughts and desperation broke a scream, tiny, growing louder, urgent, clearly. He held his breath. It was a baby crying. A baby making its first scream.

Heartbeats full of hope later, that got him on his feet magically, a nurse was carrying a screaming little white linen package out to the group.

"Dr. Reid", she said softly, "this is your daughter, she's alright, a little early but she breathes alone, she's a fighter"

With that she handed her over. Spencer didn't breath, he was so weak but his grip was firm and secure as he took her. She was so little, so tiny, like her mother and her hair was a deep dark brown. He smiled, no read-head. She screamed from the top of her lungs, she screamed, she was alive.

That's when a steady sound cut through his easing relieve.

"Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep", high and merciless, the sound of the heart monitor broke through the half open doors and the nurse's face became blank, when she took the baby from Spencer's arms alarmed and ran back into the surgery room.

Spencer saw nothing anymore, he didn't even feel when Morgan caught his body as his legs gave out and he fell down like a house of cards.

Harper's heart had stopped beating.

**MERCILESS AND VICIOS CLIFFHANGER...**

I know...I'm sorry...but...I needed to do this. Please don't hate me.

Note: She's not dead...yet...or is she?


	23. You And Me Both

**Author's Note:** Thanks for waiting. And thanks for not killing me...I know it was cruel.

I love you all, thanks for all the comments...do you think we can reach the 200-mark one of these days? That would make my month, guys :)

**9 Months**

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

**You And Me Both**

-Autumn Adriana Diane Reid, Ten minutes old-

When Spencer opened his eyes again he felt like he'd slept for hours and for a split, peaceful second he didn't know why he had passed out and dropped to the hospital floor, half held in the air by Derek Morgan. But then he felt the stares of his colleagues on him, felt Morgan lift him up and remembered.

_Harper. Harper. Harper._

Her heart had stopped beating, her heart had...He felt like fainting again, he wanted to, he wanted to die, too. If she was gone, he would be half dead, anyway.

"Spence", a gentle voice, a concerned voice, a scared voice and a soft hand closing around his.

"No", he wasn't even sure that it had been him speaking, although his jaw had moved, he felt like he already was on dilaudid. Like he'd just skipped the internal loss of control and already went to the apothecary and got it and was all numb. Not light, not easy, just numb, feeling nothing but a hollow, dull even pain, like he was bruising all over his body. Inside he felt like he was completely empty. There was nothing left of him and all around him there was nothing concrete, no sense of time, no notion of anything, he saw glimpses of Penelope who had started crying, Emily who supported her, JJ and Derek, close to him, their faces, like Hotch's unmoving in silent horror and as a tear went down JJ's tear he saw how Rossi put one hand supportingly on her shoulder and Derek's voice only got through to his conscience because he used a trigger word.

"They're reanimating Harper", he said and at 'Harper' Spencer lifted his head, lifted his body and stood somewhat alone, "Reid, she is not gone yet"

"I can't...", again this uncommon voice that appeared to be his trailed off. He couldn't...he couldn't...what? He couldn't cope with this, it was too much. It was more than his weak body and his tortured mind could take. He closed his eyes, trying to will it away, but it didn't work. It came all back to him now, all the demons, all the images, all the darkness Harper had kept at bay crept through his brain, humiliating him for the faint hope that everything was going to work out for him, that he could get his sorry hands on his own little piece of happiness. He wanted to make it stop, he needed to get these voices out of his head, he needed to shut them out. They were laughing at him, pulling him down, holding them tightly, he needed to shake them off, they couldn't grasp him, but they held on tighter, they were screaming, calling his name, they were yelling. But they sounded like...they sounded like him. He was startled.

He'd been yelling, it had been him screaming, he opened his before closed eyes at the shock of realization and the first thing he saw was sets of eyes pinned to him. He didn't stand in the round of his friends anymore, he stood a couple of steps away from them. And not only they were starring at him, eyes wide in shock, a couple nurses were, too. He'd yelled at them, he knew now. He'd also broken away from Derek and JJ, probably forcefully. JJ was sobbing quietly.

"Calm down, kid", said Derek carefully and soothingly, holding up his arms in a calming manner, "we're only here to help you"

The last part that functioned inside Spencer apologized immediately but he kept his distance. One more touch and he'd loose it. Any outside impulse was too much for him to process, it would make him freak. Like his mother when she was put under stress, he thought with a new wave of horror. He would become his mother, he would go crazy, he was going to talk to himself pretending it was Harper. He would end up in a facility and Autumn...Autumn. Like a flash of light he remembered her. How tiny she was, how much she needed protection now, how much she needed him. How could he be there for her? If Harper didn't wake, if they couldn't save her...he'd be a dead man, he couldn't take care of her.

He rubbed his eyes with his hands frantically, panicky, he was overwhelmed, he wanted to be gone, out, somewhere where this pain couldn't reach him and then, with his hands still pressed down onto his face, he sensed a change in atmosphere, a sizzle going through the people around him and then he was called.

"Dr. Reid", it was Dr. Walker he saw when he lowered his hands and looked, "we reanimated her...but I'm afraid she is in a coma"

--

- Two Days old-

The heart monitor was beeping steadily, assuringly, the oxygen-machine was rhythmically pumping air into Harper's lungs through tubes that were placed in her nose, going around her face, she had an infusion, wires going into her skin, keeping her alive. She had brain activity, normal brain activity but she just wouldn't wake up.

It had been two days since Dr. Walker had told Spencer that Harper was alive but comatose, two days that Spencer hadn't been home, hadn't taken a shower and hadn't eaten anything. He went two days with going to the toilet only twice, he couldn't be moved from her side, no matter how many calls he'd gotten from his colleagues. After the first few on day one, asking him if he wanted to go for a walk, get some air, clear his head, he had switched off his phone and took the rest of the week of.

When Dr. walker told him, the others had been understanding, waiting with him until she was transfered into her own monitoring room and waited with him in that room until eventually they went home to their own business.

As he could see the women were almost as weepy as he was, Penelope always trying to be close to Derek who was really the only person in the world that could give her a sense of security, the illusion that everything was going to be okay, Emily was always near JJ, the two of them being close friends and also very fond of Harper were slowly refraining from hovering over Spencer because it was no use and had started focusing on Harper's unmoving body.

Hotch had been even more statuesque and Rossi seemed, for the first time Spencer had ever witnessed swamped by a situation.

Now they had all left and he was alone with the breathing body of Harper and the buzzing machines as company. He still felt like he was going crazy. Although she was so near, although he'd held her hand for the greatest amount of the passed two days, she seemed so far away. The doctors checked on her regularly but they didn't make him leave. They let him change her clothes because he'd asked, he did all the work needed to keep her clean, he was there every waking second, right with her. He wanted to be around when she woke. He had shut out the possibility that she was not going to wake at all. He couldn't think about that, it made him cringe. He just functioned and he barely slept. He'd started having nightmares again. Vicious ones that woke him up sweaty after a few hours. He talked to her, recited statistics, random statistics on TV-Shows or animals, never about death, never about how many people woke up from a coma. They said she could maybe hear him.

"Harper", he started again, it was getting dark outside and he hadn't spoken for a while, drinking two coffees in a row to stay up, "Harper, I need you to wake up"

He brought her hand up to his cheek and held it there, it was colder than usual.

"Please, don't leave me here, I'm lost without you, I need you, Harper, I need you so bad, I don't work right without you, I need you to fix me, Harper, I can't bare living in a world where you're not around"

With that he felt hot tears springing up again and he let his head sink back on the bed, still pressing her hand to his face. He was like a lost boy. He was desperately lorn without her, she had become the center of his life, his sun and with her gone he collapsed like the world would with the sun gone from the sky.

A light knock on the door made him snap up. It wasn't time for the rounds yet. And it wasn't the doctors who'd come to see them.

"Hey", Emily stood in the door, her eyes rushing over him, on to Harper and her features seemed troubled, "I was wondering if you wanted a bit of company"

"I'm fine, thanks", he didn't mean to sound so cold but there was nothing that she could do.

"You're not fine, Reid", she said suddenly, stepping into the room and closing the door behind her, "You haven't left this place for two days and I don't blame you, I understand, but don't shut yourself off from us, we want to help you. We care about you and we care about her, too...but..."

She approached him and softly, slowly, gently, with the care only an empathetic woman could have, put her hand on his shoulder.

"But there is another person we care about and she has been left for two days in the hands of caring professionals but strangers, Reid, she doesn't need people to change her diapers now, she needs people that love her, that take her in their arms and rock her when she's crying, your daughter needs _you_", she said carefully but firm, "I've asked the nurses, they said you haven't come to see her once"

Spencer stared out of the window into the dawn. She was right. And he was out of words.

"Reid, you need to be there for her", Emily repeated and squeezed his shoulder, "Come on, Harper is safe here, come on, let's go see your daughter"

Spencer gave in to the soft pressure of her hand and got up, but still his fingers were entwined around Harpers and it needed all his will-power to let her go. He knew that Emily was right to make him see Autumn. And the horrible thing was that he also knew deep down that he wouldn't have gone when she hadn't made him.

"Come on, Reid", Emily whispered, "We'll be right back, Harper, we'll get someone who wants to meet you"

She removed Spencer's hand from Harper's, squeezed it visibly and nudged Spencer towards the door. He stumbled forward, his eyes still glued to Harper and left her to the buzzing machinery.

Without talking they made their way to the elevators, took two floors and reached the children's unit. And there, around the far corner was a glass window and behind it, four rows of baby beds with three nurses hovering around. Emily came to a halt and pointed towards a bed in the first row, near to where they stood.

"See, that's her, JJ and I went to see her", she said quietly, "Although she's been one month early they say that she's perfectly fine, she's a bit small but she'll grow, she's a fighter"

She really was small, all he really saw was a glimpse of pale skin and a mess of dark hair. She was right again, she needed protection, she needed him but...

"I couldn't come here", he admitted, "I couldn't look at her, I couldn't face that...it might be just her and me, I didn't want her to see me like this, I want her to know that she can lean on me but..."

"Reid, right now all she needs is you to hold her, she's been alone in there, she is just arrived on this earth and there was no one to properly welcome her...just hold her, be there for her"

Spencer swallowed hard while Emily waved at one of the nurses and nodded, gesturing her to bring the baby. He felt the same anxiety like he did when Dr. Walker told him, when Spencer had already taken position next to his sleeping beauty, that their daughter was fine and being taken care of at the nursery and that he was free to see her until she was ready to be taken home. He'd immediately felt trapped, overwhelmed. How could he take care of her? How could he be a good father the state he was in? He was a mess, a catastrophe, without Harper, if she wouldn't wake up, how could he be what Autumn deserved? If he would become like his mother...how could he put her through what he'd been through? If he'd become a lunatic she deserved better than him.

He watched the nurse pick Autumn up and carry her out of sight and then the door opened and she stood right in front of them.

"Dr. Reid", the nurse said, "good that you finally came, she missed you"

The young woman looked down at the baby and smiled. Spencer held his breath again.

What was he doing? What was he even thinking? His daughter needed him and he needed her her, now as he saw her it suddenly cleared up. Harper was the thing he needed to function but Autumn was the thing he needed to function _for_. He opened his arms and kept her eyes locked on the baby as the nurse handed her over.

She was awake and for the first time, when he felt her safely in his arms they looked at each other. Her eyes were the same green-brown as her mother's. Autumn wasn't crying, she seemed almost curious. Her little face was perfectly symmetrical and she opened her mouth and closed it again as if she was talking to him and for the first time in days Spencer was calm, for the first time he didn't feel the adamant cold that didn't came from the outside. She was perfect.

"Hey", he said under his breath, feeling her light weight, "hey, Autumn, I'm sorry I'm so late"

Autumn blinked a couple of times and then turned her tiny head closer to his chest.

"I love you", he whispered and for this second this love and affection filled him completely, down to every last limb as he brought her up a little and kissed her soft forehead.

"Let's take her to her mother", Emily's voice was soft as she spoke, also gazing at the little girl, "She's beautiful"

"Yes, isn't she?", Spencer agreed, nodding at the nurse and turning to do just what Emily had proposed.

"Just like her mother", his team-mate said and they were on their way back.

Harper was just how they'd left her, still sleeping and the sight of her twisted Spencer's stomach again but his arms didn't loosen around his daughter.

"I'll leave you three now", said Emily at the doorstep, "she'll wake up, Harper is tough"

"Thank you, Em", Spencer looked at her, realizing that they were true friends, no matter how strange their relationship had been at times, she'd always have his back, she'd always cared and she always would, "for everything"

"Anytime", she smiled at him and before she left, gently trailed her fingers over Autumns forehead.

The room was quiet except for the heart monitor after Spencer had closed door behind him and he walked towards the bed. Harper looked like the day she first woke up in his bed. Like an innocent angel. An angel that didn't belong in heaven but here with him on earth.

"Harper", he said despite the fact that she wouldn't react, "there is someone here to see you"

Very carefully he shifted Autumn in his arms so he could hold her with one and use the other to cautiously push Harper's body a bit to the other side of the bed and then sat down on it, next to his fiancée, put his legs up and Autumn in between of them.

"Look, Autumn, that's your mother, that's the one who's always been singing to you", he cooed and lay the baby on Harper's chest, making sure that she didn't touch any tubes and put Harper's arm around her, supporting it with his.

"Harper, she's here", he kissed her lips and felt no response and when he rested his head on her shoulder he was crying again, "she wanted to see you, she needs you, too, we both do – you and me both, right?"

Autumn looked up to him, her glance clearer than a baby's should be, more awake and Spencer had the weird idea that she knew what was happening and that she wanted to be helpful. She was such a perfected creation, such a miraculously healthy and strong child, she needed to be happy, she deserved happiness. She deserved her mother and a sane father.

Just that moment Spencer thought he would have a fit. First he was convinced he'd been imagining it, going crazy like he'd predicted but then it happened again and the certainty of that made his heart jump; Harper had stirred, she had moved. Her lips had parted and then...she sucked in a deep breath.

Spencer stared at her paralyzed. Her lids flattered and then – in a moment that seemed like the most outrageous releasing eternity – she opened her eyes.

"Harper", his voice was barely a teary whisper, so high that only bats would have been able to catch it.

She blinked several times and then fully opened her eyes to look at Autumn and gasped.

"Hi, there, gorgeous", she cooed just like Spencer had before. She spoke, she was awake, she was alive, he had her back, the relief was almost too much to grasp.

Then she slowly turned over and the much desired, tortuously awaited, badly needed look into Spencer's blood-shot eyes that brought the sun back to the starry night outside and to the glum whole that had been his inside, she wrinkled her nose and giggled.

"Oh, Spence, you seriously need a shower"

**End Note: **So...this is what my heart demanded me to do. I needed to keep her alive because she simply grew so so much on me and the official fate of hers is that she lives.

Though I have an alternative ending planned that will be posted after this story is finished. It might take a while because it will be painfully hard for me to write it but...hey, I really want to please all of you, so those wanting the other turn on the story will get it.

Oh and...so far I've got 15 people saying they want a sequel...if we reach twenty, I'll start tapping the keys...:)


	24. Peace Of Mind

**Author's Note: **Time to say goodbye...but only for so long. See, as I told you, there'll be a sequel, if you read down to the end you'll get to know the title of that and there will also be an alternate ending as I promised, though I will probably start the sequel before the alternate ending...just so you know.

All that's left to say for me is...THANKS MASSIVE! All of you who read, reviewed, put me on alerts and in your favorites, you know you guys always make my day, I couldn't be any happier with you if you tried ^^

And as a little treat, I decided to make a video about this fanfic. Of course it's not perfect but I hope you enjoy either way. It's to the song "All I Need" by OneRepublic and it has the little scene of Elephant's Memory as the beginning, that really started all the imagination.

find it on youtube: .com/watch?v=ujjUVDhV4yQ --WATCH! :)

My last shout-out goes to my fanfiction-twitter-friends Danielle, mjonhunt, damon4eternity and MalkinMiller(brilliant darkness), simply for following me on twitter, that makes me feel really important :)

Anyone who wants to make me feel even more important, follow me Ellie_rants !

Thank you all again, so so much!

Now enjoy the last official chapter of 9 Months!

**9 Months**

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

**Peace Of Mind**

-Two days old-

Spencer tried to but he couldn't hold himself back from hugging Harper tightly, careful not to hurt Autumn as he buried his face in her fiery hair.

"I thought I'd lost you", he mumbled and felt the warmth of her neck close to his lips.

Softly a hand stroked his sore back, he noticed only now how physically exhausted he was, she dug her fingers into his skin and turned her head to kiss his hair.

"I did, too", she said but he could still hear her smile, "Before I fell asleep from sedation I felt like it was over, that's why I tried to say goodbye, make my peace but then I couldn't. Did you know that I woke up right after Autumn was out? They showed her to me, just a glimpse and then everything went black. But I needed to see her again, I needed to see you again, I couldn't let go. And then I heard you talking to me, I have no idea what you said but I know that it was your voice and I knew I had to still be alive, I just had to be. I fought, you know. I couldn't leave you"

"I'm so glad you didn't", he replied brittle, "I wouldn't know what to do without you"

She nudged his head up a little and then went in for the softest, lightest but best kiss they'd ever shared, full of relief, full of sheer glee and bliss, sealing their reunion.

When they broke apart their faces stayed close and their gazes were locked, both still captivated by the luck of seeing each other again.

"I'll never go away again", Harper smiled and tucked a stray curl behind Spencer's ear, caressing his cheek, "I promise"

That moment Autumn made a squeaky noise, demanding attention. She looked up curiously to both her parents and her little forehead was all wrinkled.

"She looks just like you when you're thinking hard", Harper chuckled quietly and brought Autumn up a little, securing her in her arms.

"Let's hope she turns out a little more like you", Spencer sighed and touched his daughters soft skin.

"Let's hope she inherited your brains", Harper said and giggled joyfully.

--

A day later, when Spencer had finally taken a shower and taken some rest, after phoning everyone that Harper was up and well, when Harper was eating, sitting up in her bed and Spencer was rocking Autumn back and forth in his arms there was a firm knock at the door.

"Enter", said Spencer loudly and saw a bunch of pink balloons before he could make out the faces of his team-members. They had all come to visit, Morgan, Garcia, Emily, JJ, Hotch and Rossi and they smiled widely as the swept into the now crowded room.

"Hey", cooed from her plate of mashed potatoes and opened her arms, waiting for the girls to give her long and relieved hugs.

"God, we were so worried about you", Penelope said under her breath when Harper released her from the tight hug.

"And look at her", Derek said happily, bowing down to stroke Autumns cheek, "looking just like her mother"

"Apart from the hair and the wrinkles", Harper laughed and reached over to pat her daughters head lightly.

"You wanna hold her?", asked Spencer and Morgan immediately took the little bundle over, rocking her in his arms cooing.

"Doesn't kids suit him perfectly?", smiled Garcia and got closer to him and the baby.

"Woman, promise you'll never let my mother hear that or else I'll have no choice but to get her about eleven of those", Morgan smiled at her over his shoulder.

"I could help you with that", Garcia joked and then focused her attention on little Autumn.

The others laughed while Spencer got up from his seat to shake hands with Rossi and Hotch and to get hugged by JJ and Emily.

"We're so happy for you", JJ said, "but I don't envy the lack of sleep you both will be suffering from in a while"

"Oh, I guess we'll cope", Spencer smiled over to Morgan presenting Autumn to Rossi and Hotch, "I'll take a Daddy-leave, I think, for a couple of months to be there for her, and for Harper, too"

"If anything is up, you guys know that you can call us? And Hotch, too, we've been through the feeding and consoling and getting up in the middle of the night", she said, squeezing his arm.

"Thanks, JJ"

Spencer looked around and thought what a lucky occasion it was that made his whole team smile, made even Hotch appear happy, the gratefulness he felt was beyond words. They'd all been through a lot and through it all together, they were his family and it was nice to see them not afraid, not worried, not stressed out but jolly and brisk. And his family had the most wonderful new additions to it. Five months earlier he'd never even thought about this was even a possibility, that he'd end up loving Harper more than his own life, that they'd have this child and would actually be able to offer her a loving home, a Dad that was sticking around and was crazy about her mother. All that he never had. Home at last. Even if he first had to be come a father and husband-to-be to have a proper home, now, with Autumn there, he did.

He turned over to Harper and saw her laugh about Morgan, how he handled ever so awake and curious Autumn and seemed so at peace with everything it filled him with utter bliss. Captivated by her yet again, he bowed down, took her hand and kissed her.

Together they smiled over at their daughter, their little princess, their tiny, perfect, their very own miracle. Surrounded by all their friends, Autumn found her mothers glance, , "Can you believe it? We're a family now", she said under her breath and pulled Spencer closer.

They were and they would be. Spencer would ensure that.

Nothing could ever take them away from him.

**The End of Part One "9 Months"**

**Sequel/Part Two** (follows up in a couple of weeks)

**(500) Days Of Autumn**

**Last Question: **Tell me, all in all, how did you like it? How was living with it, did it itch your imagination? Could you see it happening? Has Harper grown on you? Any wishes what to write about in the sequel? Any topics, incidents you'd like our little family to live through? Tell me!


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